How to stop him from running hot and cold

Are you dating a guy who is hot and cold?  A hot and cold guy will have a great time with you when you are together but afterwards he can disappear for weeks at a time.  It is going to feel like you are the one who has to contact him again at which point he acts nice and the cycle continues.  One of the first signs of a go nowhere relationship is the man who rears his head, then ducks down and avoids you claiming business and other excuses.  He will text you only sporadically and sometimes he will not even bother to respond at all.  The more you put up with it, the worse he will get, and the more you are training him that it is perfectly ok for him to treat you like that.

It may feel like you never know where you stand with him, since things are great when things are on.  You are going to be living in perpetual uncertainty, and when you get tense, anxious, angry and afraid during one of his Houdini performances, it is going to cause dissension.  A hot and cold guy will use this dissension as the excuse for why he won’t give you more, when you finally press him against the wall and talk to him about it.

It would be great if doing whatever he wanted, like accepting the hot and cold treatment, would make him fall in love and commit to you.  But seriously, whether you are nice about his disappearances or flip out over them, it may not even make a difference.  Because something has clicked in this man’s head and he is purposely being emotionally unresponsive.  He knows what he is doing, and he knows it will probably upset you, and he knows that if you take it like a champ then he will simply keep the situation dragging on.  The only thing causing drama might do, is end things sooner.

You can’t get an emotionally uncommitted man to commit to you.  And, the longer you hope, dream and delude yourself, the longer he will take advantage of your niceness, aka neediness.  At the end of the day, a man is going to be more impressed by a woman who will not stay around for the hot and cold.  If she is not feeling calm, happy, secure, cherished and cared for, she is not going to stay around.  Chasing after him and love won’t help.  Gaining self-esteem to see his behavior for what it is and stop making excuses, will help.  Men treat women as badly as they are allowed to, and able to get away with.

He does not need your help and loving support while he runs around seeing other women and blaming his blackout weekend disappearances on being “busy”.  He knows what he is doing.  And telling him to do something else is only going to make him resistant.  Controlling, demanding, begging, suggesting, convincing, advising, asking, manipulating and pushing is not going to make him suddenly stop being hot and cold.  Men do not like being pursued and the second you get wrapped in the mind games of trying to manipulate the situation so he stops acting hot and cold, you are pursuing.

If you man is running hot and cold then the simple solution is to dump him.  Stop calling him, stop pursuing him and stop trying to figure him out.  Don’t be lulled into getting with him, then getting upset when he vanishes again until you contact him.  Let him know that you care but your needs are not getting met with all of the inconsistency.  Let him know that him vanishing for a weeks on end doesn’t make you feel good and doesn’t make you feel safe.  Stop seeing him so he cannot have the opportunity to treat you like this.  Most importantly, don’t look back.  A man who thought that little of you to run hot and cold on you, will probably never be the right man for you, not matter how accommodating you are.

One last thing.  A man who runs hot and cold, texts you then disappears off the earth for a week or weeks, is seeing other women.  No two ways about it.  You are wasting a lot of time on the wrong man.  He might seem like the right man because he is hot, sought after, and unobtainable, but he is not the right man for you.  God only knows what he is looking for, but if he is conducting his relationship with you while keeping options open he probably has already decided you are not the one.  If could be for reasons you can’t even control such as money, age, beliefs, convenience, whatever.  Just know that manipulating him, acting like it’s ok to get pumped and dumped, or tantrum over getting pumped and dumped is all totally counterproductive.  It is a total waste of time.  The only way to get a man like this to like you more is to just get rid of him.

Just know that if he reappears, odds are 99.99 percent the pattern is going to repeat itself.  Relationships have a tendency to sink right back to their lowest levels.  The guy is to have boundaries and not allow a relationship to go low but do this with the next guy, not this guy.  That old saying there is nowhere to go but up, does not really apply here.  In fact, relationships tend to slip back down to their low points.  This is why good boundaries are essential because the disallow lousy treatment.  If he for example, sleeps with you and doesn’t call you for three weeks, he is never going to see you again.  If he knows you have excellent self-respect he won’t try to get away with these things because he will quickly learn if he wants to see you he has to treat you well.  No ifs, ands or buts.

Hot and cold


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