You may have thought you had a great connection, and the physical part of it all may have been amazing, but if you’ve been intimate on a very casual basis with a man, the odds of getting him back and having him be legitimately into you are like one in a million. The reason is that you never really had him in the first place. Being intimate does not make a relationship and being intimate before you’ve gotten to know him actually hurts your chances at a relationship.
Don’t try to make a relationship out of a hookup
It can be a very uncomfortable and painful lesson for you to learn. Going out partying, drinking, having intimate relations right away, or even getting carried away with someone you know, is a relationship killer. Men have conflicting attitudes about getting intimate prematurely. They have the urge and want to do that with women they find attractive but in the end they will really disdain the same woman who offers that up to him too easily! They may hookup and have an amazing time but rarely will they view you are a girlfriend or wife material after you’ve consented to casual hookups.
The only way a man is going to respect a woman he gets intimate with is if she is, and acts like a prize catch, and if she consistently makes him earn her respect. That means she expects him to make phone calls, do fun things with her, introduce her to friends, open his home as much as he opens hers, and in general he has to act like a caring boyfriend not a bed buddy.
It may seem unfair but the only way to get him back after you have been intimate with him is to accept the fact that there is nothing you can do to get him back. You are not going to be able to pursue a man successfully because men tend to despise women who do this. Any plans and schemes and games that you come up with are going to back fire on you.
Don’t pursue men, especially men who do not like you and are using you!
You can only get him back by getting completely over him and detoxifying all the way. And yes that means blowing him off. It may hurt but after months and months of distance your emotional sanity and your self-respect will creep slowly back. At that point, you will realize that no matter how great a guy he was, he was not being a great guy to you specifically. If he does come back around (which is doubtful) then have nothing to do with him unless he treats you as though he really wants to make you happy. Odds of this are zero but just know that if he comes back around you should treat the relationship as brand new with all of the expectations you have in place. Don’t be railroaded or poop-shooted down the same crappy relationship patterns with him ever again!
Don’t every convince yourself to play it cool and casual, and hook up with him whenever he hits you up with zero expectations. Don’t delude yourself because a guy that realizes he can text you occasionally and hook up with you when he is bored out of his skull, is never going to be into you! He may stick around to continue using him as long as you let him but the second you blow your stack and expect something out of him, he will melt away and go give that attention that you so desire, to another woman. Men who stick around on a casual basis are never going to any good for you!
Quit appreciating that they gave you intimacy, that they were cuter than Joe Schmoe off the street, or helped you get over somebody else. See them for what they are! A guy using you for sex who will continue to use you as long as you allow it because he views it as a mutually agreed upon sexual relationship. As long as you are putting up with it, you are mutually agreeing to it. And if you are putting up with it and complaining for more, that just makes you an annoying mutually agreed upon buddy!
Learn from your mistakes and fix it with the next guy
Some women are lucky enough never to have come across a bad relationship. But for the rest of us, sometimes it takes learning it the hard way or watching someone you love go through it, to get the message. You grow from the toughest experiences. While you can’t turn back the clock and change what happened with one man, you can learn from it and position yourself better for the next good one that comes along. There will always be a new man who comes along so don’t despair! Keeping your distance and ceasing communication with a user will help you regain your equilibrium. You might feel down for a few months or even a year but eventually you will realize that your live goes on and what a person who you aren’t with is doing doesn’t really matter.
When you have sex before a man commits to you, you do not get valued and you do not get treated will. Once you realize this, you will realize that you may not want to get him back after you’ve been intimate with him. He will undoubtedly keep coming back to you because he has been intimate with you and he may want to repeat that act again and again if he can do it when its convenient for him and without any commitment. He did not miss you he missed a physical sensation and that is not the same thing. If he missed you, you would be his girlfriend and he would want to run errands with you and spend his living moments with you!
Don’t make it be all about him, you matter too!
When you sleep with someone and express loving feelings towards them and accommodate what they want, all the while never getting the faintest commitment from him, you are only encouraging a man to see you as someone he can use for a time and then discard with something better and more valuable comes along. Losing out on a guy you thought was for you and with whom you had amazing physical chemistry is rough. But you have to step back and nurture and love yourself and build your self-esteem up otherwise you are going to be settling for crumbs and mistreatment. You’ll be watching men pass through you onto somebody else. No matter how much you love a man if he does not love you it will never work out.
The best way to get him back after you’ve had sex with him is to blow off getting him back at all. Get over him and detoxify from him thoroughly before you deal with him again so you do not get sucked into getting treated poorly repeatedly and wishing for a relationship that is merely a useless hookup. If he does come back around saying that he wants more, treat him as a brand new man and play by your rules this time, not his. By wary of what he says to weasel his way back in, because what he says must be backed up by action. Telling you we wants to take you out does not equal taking you out! Saying that he wants you to meet his friends of family does not equal meeting his friends and family! Stop believing in his words and start believing in what is actually happening and how he is actually treating you!