Babe I want you to know that I have noticed you flip your phone and hide it when i am around. I hope you can see why this makes me think something is going on and i would like an explanation
Is your boyfriend secretive with his phone? If you are around is his phone always facedown, on silent, or out of sight? If you were to walk into the room and he has his phone on the couch next to him facing up, but he quickly flips it over, should you be concerned? Has his ex texted him a few times but he insists he didn’t respond? Does he get defensive and say that you are a snoop who doesn’t love and trust him? Can’t tell you how many women deal with this problem. If he is secretive with his phone, it is fair to assume that he is seeing other women, or at the least communicating with other women.
If you feel paranoid about his phone secrecy there are several things you can do about it. This article gives you some tips for how you can handle his cell phone secrecy. It depends on how long you have been seeing him and whether he believes to be your boyfriend exclusively as opposed to someone you are just hanging out with or in a casual relationships with. Just know that if he is being secretive you should trust your gut and assume his phone secrecy is not likely to be harmless. If he has constant texts coming in that is yet another warning sign. Guys are goal oriented and they don’t usually text another guy 10 times in an hour.
If you just started dating, ignore the obvious but do recognize the obvious
If you just started dating him recently, I think its invasive to be snooping his phone or worrying about his phone secrecy. What you must understand clearly however, is that he is not simply disconnecting from the stimulating world when he hides his phone activity. Sure, some guys like keeping their cell phones facing down to avoid getting distracted by it. It’s no wonder that he might want a little break from that while spending quality time with you. But if that were the case he would be pretty open about it and shut it of right in front of you. Be suspicious if he hides the phone, but claims its just so that he can shut out the world of tweets, texts, pokes, push notifications, and Instagrams. Even if he has a perfect excuse to shut down any concerns you have, his taking the phone to even the bathroom with him is creepy.
If you are newly dating and bring up his phone habits, he will poke you about being nosy and make it seem like you are the one out of line and up in his business. Just know that at this point in the dating process you really have no authority or spot with him to be up in his phone business. He’s right. And if you are up in his business, he will take offense of you being so nosy so early on. Therefore, if he is secretive about his phone early on in the dating cycle (first few months) you should not confront him about it. You just don’t know him enough to do that. What you simply should assume automatically from phone secrecy early on in the relation is that he is in fact dating other women and communicating with other women.
If you just started dating and he’s secretive with the cell phone assume that you aren’t exclusive, and act accordingly. But don’t bring it up with him because it’s really not your place, not yet anyways. Once you have been dating a few months in and he’s your boyfriend then you can check out if he is still being this secretive about the phone. If he claims to be your boyfriend or exclusive with you, then it becomes viable to talk to him about what is going on with his phone. Until then, don’t bother. He’s seeing other women is the conclusion you should draw, no matter what he says.
If you are boyfriend or girlfriend, sit him down and ask him what is really going on
If you become an item, which is to say that he claims to be dating only you, and you are boyfriend and girlfriend, then secrecy with the phone is a cause for concern. Your best option is to sit him down and ask him what is really going on with his phone without being accusatory. If you get accusatory trust me he will get defensive and it will make him shut down and become even more secretive. Just ask for an explanation politely. Ask him about it softly and nicely, then watch his responses closely.
If you insist he tell you the truth with a direct threat to breakup or kick him out if he doesn’t tell you, he might really pull back and characterize you as way too controlling. Confronting him more tactfully should help him from labeling you as a nosy control freak. Just let him know that his phone secrecy bothers you and that it makes you feel like something fishy is going. Tell him you’d rather have a conversation about than privately stew about it. He will understand, but only if you address it in the right way. If he gets it, he will become less secretive because he knows it bothers you.
Trust your gut first and foremost
A man who is silencing ringtones, flipping over his phone, taking it to the bathroom with him, and keeping it really on the down low so that its never sitting out or leaving his side, is doing this for a reason. He is doing this because in fact he is talking to his ex-girlfriend, and probably a couple other women too. Otherwise, why would he even care if his cell phone was sitting around? He wouldn’t.
I think you can trust your gut first and foremost. If he gets defensive or does a deny, deny, deny or tries to turn it around on you making you seel like you are the psycho crazy nosy lady, beware. Men who are cheaters will never admit it and they will always try to turn the tables on the conversation making it about your control freak personality instead. If he is secretive and you were to get a moment to snoop his phone you would likely go straight to the texts & find out he has a whole other life with a different woman.
It’s up to you whether you want to uncover the truth. Just know that it’s not really necessary to invade his privacy. His ongoing sketchy secretive behavior should tell you quite enough in and of itself. He is hiding something and guaranteed it’s a woman, or several women. Whether you want to get into privacy invasion and prove it is really up to you. Remember that if you snoop his phone when he showers, goes to the bathroom or leaves it unattended, you will likely wind up broken up with him. For one thing, you will have invaded his privacy, for another thing you will uncover proof of what you suspect, and lastly he will resent you for pulling down his proverbial pants.
The best advice is to completely trust your gut! I guarantee you there are millions of women who notice their boyfriend started texting furiously. Like you they ask him who it was and he always has an excuse, saying its just someone from work or a wrong number. If someone texts him constantly he might claim its an ex girlfriend who is harassing him. Even if he comes clean that some woman is texting him, it is likely that he is still not disentangled from her. If you were to check his texts he might be contacting her too. Men tend to sweep their ex girlfriends under the rug as psychos or stalkers so be prepared to get this excuse. I would not buy it because an ex girlfriend is only going to text for a few months before she gives up and goes away if he is not responding at all. He also has the option of blocking her phone number, not to mention the fact that if he were really honest he would literally show you her texts!
If curiosity gets the better of you and you go through his phone and scour his incoming and outgoing texts, you should be prepared to watch this relationship end. This is why it is not recommended to do, not to mention that its an invasion of his privacy. If he’s cheating and you invade his privacy by spying you are stooping down to his level. So don’t. You will likely find incriminating evidence and it will make your attitudes towards him change. If you confront him then you’ve invaded his privacy, and if you keep it bottled up you will become rancid around him creating tensions. The bottom line is that invading his privacy will likely lead to a breakup.
If your gut is telling you to watch him, there is most definitely a reason for that. This is especially true if you have been trying to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt. If you are a trusting person you might have been just assuming he is not a liar like some other guys. Finding out he is not the same trustworthy person you thought he was, can be devastating. It can devastate the relationship and also make you alot less trusting and suspicious in the future. You have to grow up and realize some people are two-faced liars.
Because of all the harm caused by privacy invasion, you might want to just keep your own behavior on the up and up by refusing to snoop. If you are early in the dating process the tip is to notice phone secrety but not confront him over it. Instead of confrontation, just assume that he is communicating with and seeing other women and take that into consideration when deciding whether to get intimate to get with him. If you are a bit later in the dating process, then always trust your gut before you trust him. If he is being secretive and sketchy you must assume that there are women he is communicating with.
Confront him gently and ask for an explanation. If the explanation does not sit right then trust your gut and assume he is lying and act accordingly. You really don’t need to uncover all the facts to know what is going on. The secretive behavior really tells you everything you need to know. Remember that if you spy his phone it will probably lead to a breakup. If you confront him about the secrecy without spying his phone, there is a chance that he will define the relationship better with you and/or change his behavior to become more open. If you want the relationship to survive, gently confront him without spying. If you are prepared for the relationship to end, there are some women who may feel compelled to go ahead and get their proof. Maybe it gives them some sort of closure, even though the fact of the matter is that his secretive behavior should be plenty proof enough.
He is secretive and hideas his phone on me
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