Have you ever met one of those men that refuses to talk on the telephone after a while? I’ll give you a story. Most men when they meet you know instantly if they are attracted to you. If they are, then it’s on. If they aren’t than all bets are off. Men also know very early on in the dating process what type of relationship they can see themselves getting into with you. If you are a woman looking for a serious commitment then you are always going to want to date men who are likewise relationship minded. If a man is not talking to you on the phone regularly, then he is not relationship minded. A man who is interested in a relationship is going to be consistently texting, calling, and dating you. He will follow up each date with plans for another date.
If marriage and commitment are your goals, only date men who keep in touch with you consistently and reliably. If you don’t have commitment or marriage as a goal, then you can relax your standards somewhat and date more like a man. Date for the mere enjoyment of getting out and doing something, without any goals or agendas.
Men usually start out a relationship acting normally like by calling you and initiating plans to go out with you. That is the way it should be. After a while you might start to do exchange regular text exchanges with each other. If things are going as they should, no major planning will be handled on text message. The texts should be just another way to show you are thinking about him and he about you. This could be characterized as normal, since you are going out and doing activities together, communicating by cell phone, home phone, email, and also text messages.
It’s when the conversations and dates slowly devolve into text messaging only that’s the red flag. You start to notice it, that all they do now is text. What you need to understand is that this is a major red flag that your supposed boyfriend (or girlfriend) is starting to opt out on you. In fact, while they are texting you less they are probably searching for new dates. So, they’re still texting, but no longer as interested in you as they once were. You are officially on ice. Pushing them for any commitment at this point is a lost cause because they are in a going, going, gone mode. You have a better chance of letting them go than flopping to the floor and dragging their pants leg crying don’t leave me in tears. Never try to chase after a man who starts to back off because this will only make him back off even more.
When you get demoted from real relationship to text relationship, you are getting dumped but its getting dumped in an indirect way. Some men don’t want to confront the breakup or even make a final decision on whether to break up. They may actually want options to stay open if they still like you some what, but are unsure as to how much. If he’s been with you for a while he probably know its mean to back off. Nonetheless he has to fend for himself and he may want to keep his freedom to date new women he’s lined up.
Men usually lie about why they are ending things with you. They might blame it on their job status or the fact that he does not want a relationship with anyone right now. He will use whatever excuse he can muster if you press him. Most of the time it is you but he won’t have the heart to tell you the real reason because why hurt your feelings. Pressuring a man who is backing off will just shut him out further. Just let him go as hard as that sounds. You could remain friends and occasionally say hello which would leave options open but don’t hold out hope. Don’t harass him with texts either. If a man wants to fade out on you there is nothing you can do to reverse his decision. It’s something that is coming from his gut and chasing him will not change his mind.
If he has only dated you briefly after a few internet match.com chats, followed by coffee date and phone calls and then dates get fazed out and all there is left is occasional meet ups, well then you are dumped. It’s called the slow fizzle, disappearing act, abandonment. There’s always going to be the straight to the point man that just announces on text that its not working out for them sorry and good bye. Sometimes the dumping was because you allowed yourself to become involved with a man who was still dating other women as well. It’s a big disappointment especially if you were his girlfriend at one point, to be then demoted to text message.
Dating self help books talk about how there are so many wonderful men out there looking for love that breaking up with a man that you were in love with does not make or break your life. You just get over the heartbreak and move on to someone who treats you better. That’s the advice. Move on because you deserve better. I often hear the advice of getting back to your own life and taking care of your body and health so that you are emotionally ready for your next boyfriend.
If you are treated disrespectfully then you should stop dating that person and never look back. If a man has down graded you from a girlfriend status to just a text interaction with occasional intimacy you will get hurt. Women are emotional creatures and casual relationships are incredibly hard on the psyche. Shared passion without commitment might seem worth it at first, but after some times passes you’ll come to understand you may have allowed yourself to be used while your man was continuing to shop for someone more suitable.
If you are in your twenties and young thirties I think you have some time and if someone is treating you poorly and acting like you are just an option not a girlfriend you should discontinue as you are quite young enough to move onto someone else.
As you get older however, the options of available men are so scarce that you are competing heavily with other women to nab a good man. So, when you blow off Mr. text only there may not be another man in the picture for quite some time, At the older age bracket I’d say putting up with a little more nonsense from men is not always such a bad idea. Having a few dating options on hand will help to keep your ego boosted. But ultimately it is unlikely to pan out to anything. Therefore, you might want to adopt a date like a man approach. If someone is not definitely interested in a relationship with you, don’t discount them immediately. Keep them around in your dating book as someone to see occasionally however don’t get complacent with a man who shows a lack of interest in getting serious with you.
Always keep looking for a man who doesn’t mind meeting your family and going out and just running errands together. A real man. Then keep your indecisive players as options. That’s what men do with women. They string them along and continue to look for new dates and enjoy their lives. So contrary to others beliefs, I think its acceptable for an older women to keep their dating options open and date for the mere enjoyment of dating. You never know, one of your dates might fall in love with you slowly and tire of the dating game so why burn bridges. Younger women who have goals in mind and are looking for serious relationships should not waste time with men merely dating for the pleasure of it. As you get older however, it can be a nice change to date like a man. Your biological clock isn’t ticking and you might enjoy the dating process without the pressure of having to secure a relationship.
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