If his text message such as Do what you gotta go – gets you upset with your boyfriend and asking questions, you are way too caught up in text!
Have you ever been into a man where initially there was a constant flurry of text messages between the two of you. Then suddenly, he just stops texting. You wonder how can this person go from non-stop texting to simply not talking and communicating at all. Did they fall of the face of the planet. Was it something you said in one of those texts? Probably not. The number one reason why he probably stopped texting you was not what you would expect. You’d expect it to be that he just decided he didn’t like you anymore or met someone else. Yes those are definitely possibilities but the more obvious reason you might be missing is that he stopped texting because a switch flipped in his head and he realized your texts are just annoying. It’s too time consuming to deal with constant texting. Its fun at first but it gets old.
Let’s go through his rationale so that you can understand how annoying texting becomes to people, especially men. Understanding that will help you remain calm and unresponsive when he suddenly stops texting you, which is a good thing. The more indifferent you are over a cessation in his texting, the less you’ll fight with him about it, and the better off you’ll actually be.
It is your etiquette, not his, that matters
While it is true that he might be displaying erratic text etiquette by texting, then not texting, then not responding, and so forth, that is not your problem so much as your own behavior is. It is your own behavior that you have the ability to control. The proper etiquette if someone is becoming put off or unresponsive to your messages is simply to stop messaging them. The point is, don’t let their erratic texting behavior allow you to become the problem. The right etiquette is that if someone stops texting you or requests that you to stop texting them, you should stop. The proper etiquette would be to stop bothering the person.
He can’t be expected to text you forever. That’s unrealistic!
Texting usually happens in the heat of things. If he just met you and has those initial butterflies he might spiral into a week long period of non stop texting with you. There could be a big flurry of texts. But the truth is, that while girls can text into the end of eternity, men can’t. They just aren’t that emotional and obsessed. They can only do it for so long then they hit a wall.
A man knows that while there may be a span of days with plenty of texting, it really isn’t something that he is going to want to keep doing forever. It’s just unrealistic that he is going to spend that much time texting you. It can’t really sustain itself long term. So the flurry of texts might end because he just shrugs his shoulders and doesn’t want to keep texting. After all, he can’t be expected to text somebody an hour a day every day of his life or every other day, can he? So he just stops and figures that you’ll get the message and follow suit.
The message could just be that his is sick of texting you because its too time consuming and that the two of you can just calm down now. You need to follow that lead. Try to assume that there is no problem. Just assume that he just is sick of texting and so then just follow his lead and stop texting. Then all you have to do is wait and see if he still gets in touch with you to make plans, because his desire to see you is what really counts, not the texts. What counts most is if he wants to see you. Just because he realizes that texts are too time consuming and distracting to be doing every single solitary day, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still like you. Ignore his erratic texting behavior completely. Don’t draw any immediate conclusions and that way you won’t get upset and cause a fight with him over it.
He deems you are too into him since you are taking his texts too seriously
Men don’t realize how insane the whole texting and phone calling politics can get for a woman. She digs into texting and phone calling patterns like a researcher and she analyzes it ad nauseam. Word for word for word. In fact, the more she likes him, the more she reads into messaging. But do you know what? Female freak outs aren’t his problem. He expects you to control yourself and to know how to act.
If he sends you a text every once in a while just to keep you happy then he is doing his job. He’s letting you know he is there. It’s only if he disappears completely off the map and never contacts you again even by phone calls should you worry. But as far as just texting goes, lower your expectations and don’t expect him to be into consistently texting like you are. Assume he can only take it in very small flurries and doses.
If he gets lazy on texting, sick of texting, or busy with other things, you should not make a big deal out of it. Just stop texting right along with him and don’t respond to it, don’t make a big deal out of it, and don’t react to it by getting upset. What that does in your favor, is let him know that texting is not the end all be all for you. It lets him know you can follow his lead. It lets him know that you aren’t so needy and desperately into him that he has a cause for concern. It gives him plenty of room to feel comfortable.
The less you react to his texting patterns or lack of texting patterns or sudden lack of texting, the better off you are. That way, he has no power to manipulate you or get you upset or get you wrapped into a knot over his erratic behavior. Just don’t react. If he is too busy to text then you get busy with the rest of your life. As long as you don’t get bent out of shape over his texting habits, you won’t wreck your relationship by obsessing about text message issues and fighting with him over it. Sit back, and see if this man calls you or keeps in touch with you.
The best advice I ever got from a man was that women just do too much persevering over relationships. He says, sit back and see what effort the man puts out and what he is willing to give you on his own. Then evaluate if its good for you. If its enough for you, then stay. If its not, let him know what you want. If he doesn’t fix it for you, leave. So simple. Instead of doing a bunch of exhausting work just watch and wait to really see what is going on then make your decisions yourself.
He sees a bad precedent being set and wants to avert it
If your boyfriend sees that you are going to be texting him non stop he will certainly notice your propensity for that. Granted, at first when you met you two may have been texting all the time. But after the butterflies go away you are at the point now where you are figuring out what that person is all about. And you aren’t going to be thought highly of if he discovers that you are all about texting. Needy, clingy, constant, texting. He’s established that he likes you already. Now he is sending a clear message, hey, don’t expect me to text you all day long since if you want to be with a man like me you need to have some independence.
So if he sees you texting constantly and when he backs off the texting you don’t follow his lead (instead you might even become more aggressive) he is going to get turned off. He doesn’t want to set a precedent of you bleep bleeping all over his phone and up his business all day long. The minute he figures out you are a pushy text junkie he is going to want to squash that precedent like a roach bug. If you don’t let him squash it, he might just leave. Who wants a women that doesn’t know how to act and can’t go a single day without texting him all day long?
The more you interrupt things he is doing, the more annoying your texts become to him
The more you interrupt his day by texting him, consuming his time up, and distracting him from the things in his life like his job, the more fed up he will become. He is going to very quickly stop listening altogether to what you are saying on text and instead he is going to start focusing on getting you to stop texting him.
He might come right out and say, stop texting me. Then, if you start to strike up a conversation about it like, Why don’t you want to talk to me, he is going to become slowly infuriated. Its going to become all about making you stop and nothing you say in response will matter since he doesn‘t want you to say anything. Men are matter a fact and they can ignore every text coming out of your cell phone and going onto their phone. They don’t care. They just want you to stop interrupting their day with texts and that is the only point they will want to drive home. If you don’t know when to back off, a man will literally leave you.
He might try to send a message by asking you to stop, saying he is busy, or after a while, just not responding to your texts. If you fail to pick up on his message and continue to harass him, then he is likely going to be planning to find someone else because you bother him too much. Even if you stop texting eventually it is going to be too late if his mind has already clicked in that you are absorbing too much of his mental energy with your texting. He is going to think, this person should know that I like them, and I shouldn’t be required to send a her a text on the hour every day. And if she expects me to do that then I’ll reconsider liking her because there are plenty of women out there who aren’t this needy. Think of each of your texts as an intrusive interruption when he is busy. He doesn’t want that.
What you should do about it
If you start to take your mans texts too seriously you are creating a recipe for disaster. He is just randomly conversing and not censuring what he texts. If he is in a bad mood he might write something negative without giving it much thought. The best way to handle the situation is to try and remove yourself from text obsession. Quit worrying about whether he is texting you or not and just stop texting him yourself. Try to get busy doing other things, even if doing other things means going to the gym or cleaning your house. Just do your own thing and try to extract yourself from worrying about his texting habits. His texting habits are his own thing and if you take everything he says on text personally or literally you are just going to get into a fight over it and become a self fulfilling prophecy by destroying your own relationship you have going with him.
Remove yourself from fighting over his texting habits
I got into one of the biggest fights ever over a text a man sent me and the text was simple “Do what you have to do”. This was immediately after a period of a week or two where we hadn’t texted in a while and I was miffed that he had gone missing on me without so much as an explanation. This particular text annoyed me because he texted it to me in conjunction with our potential plans getting broken and the simple fact that he wasn’t going to see me for weeks because of his job schedule and family obligations.
It sounded like he didn’t care about seeing me for a month and I over reacted. I should have ignored it and stopped texting him. Instead I got annoyed and started interrogating him about what he meant exactly by that text and it quickly sunk into a text fight over how we never saw each other because if literally no effort was being made on his part we never would. If everything was chalked up to a do what you have to do then where did we stand. He didn’t seem to be too concerned about going out of his way. Instead it was like, you go your way and I’ll go mine. That’s a ridiculous reason to get in a text war with some one nevertheless it started a fight.
So you see from this example that you can’t take his individual texts so personally and you also can’t take his overall texting habits personally. If you do, then you are going to flip out over that one flippant text or lack or texts and wind up driving this man away from you. Bad move and a self fulfilling prophecy!
So the best thing to do about it is this. Vow to yourself not to take his individual texts personally. Vow to yourself not to take his texting habits personally. If he is getting annoyed with your texts or failing to respond to them then assume he’s not into texting. Even if he was into texting yesterday and today he is not, don’t read anything into it. Don’t jump to a conclusion that he no longer like you. Instead, just follow suit and reverse the behavior on your side completely thereby flipping things into your favor. You stop texting him. See how he responds to that.
The minute you excise texting and all of its subtle nuances out of your consideration with respect to him, the better. The beauty of this approach is that if you stop texting him then you remove yourself from getting obsessed, caught up, and into fights with him about his flaky texting behavior. Why? Because you aren’t texting him so there is nothing to fight about in regards to his responding texting habits. You just yanked texting out of the relationship equation altogether. Good move on your part since now you’ll really see if there is anything left in this relationship once texting is removed from it.
Forget about texting and see if this man calls you
Now, watch to see if he calls you. If he calls you and wants to see you with regular frequency this is a good sign. If he never calls you this is a bad sign. If he only occasionally calls you then you need to look for signs that you are just an on again off again girlfriend, or in a casual relationship, or friends with benefits. Start paying attention to his phone call and dating behavior to figure out what is really going on with you and him. The sooner texting becomes a non-concern to you, the sooner you will figure out if your relationship even exists, what the exact nature of it is, and if it has potential to continue on the track you really want it to. If you stop texting him and then never even hear from him (or rarely), your relationship was going nowhere and it’s a really good thing you found out. How long were you planning to remain clueless and doing all the work by texting him. Who in their right mind would want to be in a go-nowhere relationship. Amazingly enough, the less you contact him with texts the more likely he us to wonder about you and give you a call. It really works.
Thanks this sorta helps me chill out right now. This guy is totally hot/cold with me. I’d text him once a day to share something funny (never a response) or ask him a question (always a simple response). This past Tuesday morning I texted to invite him shopping and he said no and told me not to text anymore that he’s almost out of prepaid minutes – excuse perhaps? Was I texting too much stupid stuff? Is he just not a text kind of guy? I don’t know. It left me really upset… but I resisted that urge to send off an angry or accusatory text and haven’t texted him since. No word from him yet, but it’s only been a couple days. Before he told me not to text, we had made plans for his birthday… here’s hoping I hear from him still! Otherwise I will be totally crushed
Good comment! Perhaps you should let him rot for as long as your nerves can take it! Some men hate getting the daily “minutes”/useless texts and only want action oriented items like touching base or confirming plans. In the mean time, adjust your expectations as his interest level in you is not sky high. If it was, he’d risk his minutes or find another way to keep in touch and he would jump at the chance of a date or at the least try to alter your offer to a different time). Leave him alone and maybe he’ll come round because the ball is in his court. Once bitten, twice shy ok so give him the benefit of the doubt that he had stuff going on and see what happens next and if he contacts you.
Thanks. What you said does make a lot of sense with my type of situation.
I met this guy just over a month ago, texted all day everyday for about 2 weeks (he always texted first), we met up once it went great, he still texted me after saying i miss you and all. But about a week ago he hasn’t texted much. He did apologise once saying he has been quite busy and all over the place, but now he hasn’t texted at all. It’s been 5 days since we last talked, i texted last replying to his message the day after and ended it with saying hope you have a nice day :). But no reply or text. With your help i haven’t texted again. But I just need some extra advice on what to do if he does or doesn’t text me anytime soon because i’m almost at boiling point feeling like i really need to text him again. Haha.
Just roll with it. You can’t expect him to text like crazy forever. I wouldn’t get upset about it yet assume if he doesn’t call you or want to spend time with you that the relation is a total waste of your mental time and energy. Hope you have a nice day type texts are pretty boring and most guys will in fact ignore that type of text. Usually busy means he has someone else. Texts don’t mean much, and you have only hung out once or so. I would write this guy off as having too low of an interest level. Try to check out some other guys or interests and take the focus off of obsessing about him. Whenever you are at the boiling point try to resist the urge and go another 24 hours with no texting. Sorry but it sounds like he is blowing you off with the excuse of being busy. You don’t have much invested in this guy (just some texts and a get together) so try not to care. Thanks for writing in
I met a guy about two months ago and wr have text everyday since then, met up on a number of occasions, shared personal stuff etc. Recently in past couple of weeks, his texting has been lax (dropping off early evening until the next day when either one of us texts the other) We’re 50/50 in that respect. So I text him yesterday and I got no reply and heard nothing today (I haven’t text since yesterday). I seen him about a week ago as we both had to attend a function we are involved in (how we met) I’d just came back from a week long trip and that was first I’d seen him since returning. He mentioned meeting up this week but now I’m not hearing anything. There are a few reasons I’ve came up with that are rational and could explain this but just wanted to hear you guys thoughts…
Sounds like the initial constant flurry of commuications wore off. It may have gotten disrupted when you went away for that week. Try to view this as a positive thing since constant texts do not a relationship make anyways. Your strategy should be to continue to be nice to him and let him know you are open to being asked out. There is more to life than text. If he asks you out and wants to spend time with you I would see it as a good thing. His flaky suggestion of meeting up however, is pretty casual. Make sure in this meeting (if it happens) that you are spending quality time with him doing something, and not just fooling around. Lots of texts, with casual suggestions of meeting up, can be a big red flag that he is looking for casual sex too. Don’t let this relationship get off on that foot whatever you do. Don’t get physical with a guy that is casually texting here and there and suggesting informal meetups. Let him ask you out on a date or let it fizzle is my advice. You’ll up your value, set your boundaries sooner rather than later, appear to be a girl that has self respect, and weed him out fast if he’s just sniffing around with no intention of following through.
i met a boy and we hit it off. he texts me first all the time. i haven’t texted him first at all yet. Is it ok if I text first. Do boys like that?
If what you are doing is working and he remains interested why change it? If something exiting happened that you really want to share with him then of course text him as there is no law that you can’t text him first. But the bottom line is that what you are doing seems to be working (text-wise) so for the most part, just continue the formula. More important than the texting is phone calls. If he calls you that is the best indication of his interest. Just texting is stupid after a while, even if he is the one initiating. If he really like you he is going to want to hear your voice too.