Are you an impulsive person? If you have a tendency to be impulsive you will find yourself having difficulty in controlling your text message habits. Texting on impulse is a surefire way to derail a promising relationship.
Impulsive behavior can leave you victim to casual relationships that start strong but either fizzle out quickly or never develop into anything real. Impulsive personalities have a tendency to rush and jump into relations and actions without thinking things through. Impulsive people are also too quick to strike back too hard when hurt or angered.
There are 2 major ways that acting on impulse can destroy potential relationships. The first is when you act on impulse and let lust and excitement take over common sense. The second is when you act on impulse and let emotion, fear and anger take over your common sense. Both situations are relationship wreckers and fan the flames of crazy texting behavior.
If you want to give a relationship a fair chance it is time to work on controlling impulsive behavior so it doesn’t control your behavior and cause you to react poorly to situations. You should never send a text message when you are limbic and impulsive. Text when you are calm and happy, not when you are upset.
When lust and excitement take over your common sense
It always feel good to act on emotions of lust and excitement. But after feeling good in the moment, reality will always set in. Let’s say that you meet someone new. You talk, you flirt he gets your number and asks you out a few times. He is showing you a great time and seems smart, funny and really thoughtful. He acts like he wants the same things you want and he is attentive to you. He’s gorgeous. Everything is going great and several dates into it you wind up taking food back to your place with him.
One thing leads to another and the goodbye kiss turns into way, way more. He leaves way into the night and you are still excited. Within 24 hours however, you don’t hear from him and you start to analyze the situation and obsession begins. Second guessing begins. Dread begins. Are you ever going to hear from him again? Is he your boyfriend? Are you officially seeing him? Is he seeing anyone else? Is he going to take his singles profile down off the Internet after this? The answer to all these questions is most likely no. But you didn’t think about that. You just acting impulsively and flew along on the seduction ride, letting one thing lead to another.
Getting intimate quickly while not really knowing what is going on with this new person you just recently met, is a direct result of acting on impulse. It felt all positive at the time it was happening and you were in the moment. But you didn’t consider the aftermath. The aftermath is waiting from him to ask you out again or follow-up. The aftermath is wondering if you should text him after a day or two of silence to wave your hand up and say, I am here. The aftermath is scanning the dating sites to see if he has logged in. Stalker. Gee, isn’t this getting fun?
If you have a tendency to act on impulse you will find yourself sleeping with guys too early, and then flipping out on them when you can’t handle your own insecurities after the fact. Impulsive women have a tendency to go in the moment and get involved sooner than they actually know the person. For one thing, men are on best behavior for the first few dates and more apt to tell you what you want to hear. They naturally try to escalate with you into intimacy so you can be sure that they are going to act their best.
The reality is that you really do not know this person well. For example you may not have ever been to his home, met his friends, or saw what his every day life was like. If you get intimate before these vital steps, it becomes quite easy for him to slither into the sunset after some intimacy offering nothing tangible. Not getting to know him, promotes slippery behavior.
Just know that while he seems all fun, games and romance he is sizing you up in those first few dates. He might be all into you until intimacy happens, then start to back pedal away. You wonder why, well he might be seriously analyzing you as relationship potential and pegging you into some category while you don’t even know it!
For example, he might think you are beautiful enough to get intimate with, but after snooping your house a couple of times he knows you are a stay at home mom that can’t get much freedom away from your kids, for example. He doesn’t really want to deal with that, so he back-peddles. He figures, I’m not up for really getting involved with her so lets cut the contact down and see if she is up for a casual sexual relationship that doesn’t require any commitment on my part. I just cite this as an example scenario to point out the fact that while your brain went out the window, his did not. He was thinking, and he has the upper hand having invested very little effort into you while erstwhile getting something he wanted out of you.
Acting impulsively tends to dive you into intimacy quite quickly. Then you wind up in a situation where you are being sized up by the man you just slept with and slotted into a category of his choosing. This all could have been avoided by controlling impulse and insisting on getting to know him pretty well before ever bedding him or getting physical. Impulse control is vital during the initial dating phase because you need to make it past the first few dates to really get to know someone. Had you gone out with him 10 or 15 times and actually seen his house, met his friends, or hung out together, he would have had to invest a lot more of his time into you. At that point, you would have a much better sense of who he was and if something could work out. You lost the upper hand by being impulsive.
When insecurity and emotions take over your common sense
Texting obsessively is a another that is exacerbated by a lack of impulse control. Obsessive texting also links quite closely to the above situation of letting lust and excitement drive you. What happens is that you get physically involved way to fast and then are stuck with the proverbial cart having left before the horse aftermath. The aftermath is the furthest thing from fun that one could every imagine.
If you are insecure, you will be waiting for him to call you and his calls won’t come fast enough to make you feel comfortable. He’s just getting to know you and you are expecting him to be an overnight boyfriend that calls or texts you everyday! Then when he doesn’t follow-up quickly enough for your comfort level, you blow a gasket and give him a piece of your mind. You say things on text like I haven’t heard from you, is that what I am to expect here? Or you nag him and write stupid and cutesy texts hoping that he responds but he doesn’t. It’s pathetic because you are relegated to discuss a relationship that does not exist, on text no less! If that is not a formula for a god-awful casual relationship, I do not know what is.
When you are impulsive, you need to control things. When you find out you can’t control the other person and they aren’t acting with consideration or how you want them to, you get angry. Suddenly you are picking a fight and he acts defensive and then you are dumping him. Boom, you are flat-out on your bum and you just kill-joyed the relationship with your own dooming behavior. Any woman who texts a guy 20 times or more after intimacy is exhibiting dooming behavior.
How impulse control can help lead to succesful relationships
Impulse control can help structure a relationship so that it flows in the right order. First of all, you should control lust impulse and avoid leading the relationship with sex. If you get intimate too soon you’ll be writhing about exclusivity before you even know where this guy lives! Everything will get off on the wrong foot and you’ll be texting him out of greediness and insecurity.
The progression should be that you meet him and feel attracted and vice verse. You date him for a while, 10 or 15 times, and get to really know him past the phony facade he presents on his best behavior. You see where he lives, you meet some roommates, you hang out for an entire day. You eat food with him. You see how quickly he follows up after he has seen you. Does he call you every day, or is his interest level barely there?
Normal relationship progression requires impulse control. First you get to know him, then he becomes your boyfriend who is in reliable regular contact with you then you start a sexual relationship with him after all that is in place. Notice how you had to control impulse not to get intimate with him early on. And you had to also control impulse not to text and text and nag him about relationship status. When you have patience and impulse control, it enables things to unfold naturally and then you don’t have to nag at all because you aren’t allowing yourself to be put in that position of having to! Instead, you controlled your impulses and the relationship, miracle of miracle, progressed normally!
Controlling impulse and letting a relationship develop in the right order of sequence can avoid so many insecurities. When you do this, you avoid poor behavior on your part. That dread of will he call, why hasn’t he called, should i text him, and what a jerk he slept with me and didn’t bother to contact me for a week, gets avoided. Guess what when you avoid giving yourself the stress syndrome, you also help yourself act sane and normal. That is a win, win!
Control impulses to let a relationship develop in the right sequence, and reap the benefit of not being treated poorly because poor treatment elicits bad behavior on your part. You’ve nipped being treated like a replaceable object in the bud. The greatest thing is that now you don’t have to worry about all of your insecure, needy, controlling, complaining, crying and whining crazy text message sending reactions to his treating you poorly. Lastly, if you control impulses and a man drops you or disappears on you anyways, you probably saved yourself quite a bit of time. Congratulations for weeding out someone who was just going to be a fly by night user and completely wrong for you.