After either a breakup or his umpteenth time of cancelling plans, standing you up, calling you only late at night to come over, or demonstrating other behavior indicating you are being used, you might finally decide to stop being in touch with him. It could be a direct breakup or just something you decide for yourself after having been treated poorly one too many times. When a man treats you as an option not as a priority, the no contact rule can be a woman’s best weapon. No contact allows you to make a statement that you will not accept poor treatment without having to say anything at all. Men only value women who value themselves.
Every text message still in your phone that is related to your past relationship is going to remind you of your ex. Thoughts of your ex are going to be taking over your brain. It’s extremely hard to break it off if you really like him, but he is treating you like dirt. This particular sort of breakup is always reluctant because he is willing to be with you, but only in some sort of sub-standard relationship such as friends with benefits that you cannot deal with. You like him more than what he is willing to offer. The concept of No contact rule has come up in relationship advice columns to help you overcome a break up. The No contact rule can also be very useful in extracting yourself from a relationship where there is ongoing poor treatment that you are receiving in a relationship. It is a way to say to him that enough is enough, without having to say anything at all.
No contact rule lets you remove yourself from being treated poorly
The objective of the No contact rule is to stop communicating with your ex and not to stay in contact with him after the break up. For many women with broken hearts, the no contact rule doesn’t work. They just get carried away by their emotions and contact their ex incessantly. They compulsively text message him out of pain, jealousy, panic, insecurity, to take revenge or because they really don’t want to break up at all. They contact because they want to somehow save the relationship or hope to change the way he is acting towards her.
The No contact rule is most difficult to implement where you don’t really want to break up, but the guy is treating you so poorly that you pretty much have to in order to save face. This is a situation however where hard as it might be to implement, the No contact can indeed be very helpful. In this case, the sooner you break contact, the sooner you are able to remove yourself from abusive emotional treatment. This enables you to regain your perspective.
If you are still emotionally wrapped up in him, it is nearly impossible to be friends with your ex and vice versa. You have to be totally over the person and this can take months of no contact (expect 6 months on average) because the emotional disconnect happens slowly. Only when you honestly have no interest in getting back together with him, can it be possible to resume the relationship at a friendship level. Break ups are called break ups because it is a break up. It is never easy for the one who did not want this breakup to happen. There are very few broken hearted women who take a hard break up positively. It takes some grieving, healing, and dealing to move on in life after calling it quits when you had hopes and dreams of being together.
No contact rule lets you cut the hormones that were keeping you obsessed
If you have been intimate with a man there are outstanding love hormones that are literally raging, particularly if there is a strong lust, love or attraction you have for him. This is almost like a drug addiction believe it or not. The great thing about No contact rule is that it can give these raging connection hormones a chance to dissipate and eventually vanish over time. After the traumatic break up with your partner, if you are not in touch with him or her, it becomes way, way easier to move on.
Staying in contact with your ex through texts will not help you think about a life without him. You will still be conniving and hoping to turn things around and make him somehow realize that you are the one or that he should treat you better. If thoughts of the past keeps taking over the present, your own outlook on life becomes like a heavy obstacle that is very difficult to overcome. At first, you will be constantly haunted by past memories and hopes of saving the relationship. If you stay in contact with your ex or continue to sleep with him on a casual basis on his terms, all the past memories that you two shared will keep active on your mind. You might try to convince yourself to accept a booty call relationship while you look for a new man, but don’t delude yourself. Staying with him while you look for the One, won’t work. You will not be moving on at all but rather just kidding yourself.
To really move on in life, you have to forget your past and only think of the present and future. Obsessing over past memories with your ex, and even reigniting them by continuing text contact will only upset you and spoil your mood. The No contact rule works to help you eventually get back your happy personality that you once had. Just realize you might have many, many months of total depressed numbness before this truly happens. Just keep trudging onward day after day because eventually after a couple of months you will get on about your life and notice you won’t be thinking of where he is and what he is doing all day long. You will also realize that your life can exist without him in it, and that you will be fine.
No contact rule lets you get away from the madness of a bad relationship
No contact really helps you to become strong. The biggest benefit of the no contact rule is, you will regain control over your emotions and feelings. Staying away and removing yourself is going to make you mentally stronger. You might realize for example, that your tacit acceptance of a friends with benefits or physically oriented relationship was the biggest mistake of your life. Post the break up, you will become stronger and more matured. You will be smart enough to think twice before entering into a new relationship where you are being used and not treated as a loved, special and as a truly important person in this mans life.
Boosting self-confidence is key. The time apart can help you understand that you may be better off in no relationship than you are in a relationship where you are being treated poorly. Sure, if you stayed with him you have those crumbs of human contact which is nice. But if the relationship is going nowhere, aren’t you pretty much wasting your valuable time? It may be more efficient to go be on your own for an entire year before you meet someone new as opposed to dragging along in a lousy relationship for another year that has little to no chance of ever progressing.
The more you stay away from your ex after the break up, the more it becomes natural to bring back the self-confidence you once had. If you contact him or her via text message, you will never get the strong will to move on and bring back the real vivacious you. The you that actually wanted a boyfriend to spend quality time with her and would never tolerate being used as a disposable object. A broken heart can always use a good shoulder to cry on. Rather than using ex’s shoulder, talk to your friends or family instead. If you can’t talk about it then just go numb for a while and even if you go through a bit of a depression you will come out the other side and start to feel better. Get outdoors and try to do something for yourself. No contact rule will definitely work if you implement it strongly and effectively, it just takes a while so be patient.
Be patient when implementing the No contact rule because it is hardest in the first few months
Be patient in the first few months of no contact as these are undoubtedly the hardest. If you break the no-contact rule don’t beat yourself up. Just start back with it, and eventually it will stick. If your ex starts dating someone new you should actually be happy. This keeps them occupied and then they can help the breakup cement itself because they will be less likely to slide back into complacency with you. Sometimes him moving on to someone new is not something to be jealous of, but a welcome development. She will eventually be dealing with the same man you dealt with, even if he is on good behavior for the moment. Consider it a gift that he is preoccupied with others as he will be less likely to draw you back into his madness.
After a while of the No contact rule you may begin to realize that they way he was treating you made the relationship simply not worth it. He may be a great guy but if he is out of your league and refuses to view you as girlfriend material, you are better off with him out of your life. We aren’t all with Brad Pitt and we seem to be able to live out lives just fine. Eventually, he will just become some guy that you can’t have or that didn’t want to be with you. Like Brad Pitt. Just somebody out of the picture. If he treats you poorly and you were primarily just texting and getting intimate on occasion anyways without really having much of a relationship at all, you will be so much better off with him removed from your life. Trust me after six or more months he will just be a guy out there in the world that you aren’t with, and that isn’t treating you like dirt either.