Most people winding up on this site, are in a go nowhere relationship, and just have not come to terms with it as yet. Instead, they are grappling around trying to figure out why this person they are seeing only texts them, blows them off for weeks, does not respond to their messages, and so forth. Aside from the obvious, that if you are dysfunctional on text with him (or her) it is probably not going to end well, here are three additional tips for determining if you are going nowhere with this person.
Minor verses major flaws. The first trick is to try to determine if there are minor flaws with this person, or major flaws. Major flaws include him (or her) pathologically lying about his life, stealing, or committing some other type of major transgression. These people should be weeded out because you have to believe that people devolve back down to their worst self. Granted some people really change in life, but for the most part, life changes are difficult.
Distinguish major relationship verse Minor relationship flaws
If someone has cheated on you numerous times, or lied about who he was and only came clean when caught, these are major. If you notice major flaws in your relationship with this person, you can save yourself the time and pain and get out sooner before your heart gets completely broken. As they say the woman who takes on a mental project of a man rarely wins. Usually, the next woman who comes along reaps the benefits of all her hard rehab work.
Some minor transgressions become major ones, when he shows absolutely zero intention of changing behavior. Let’s say you have a man who only texts you, and only hangs out with you at your house. After repeated attempts on your part to get him to call you on the phone instead, and take you out to do fun things in the light of day, he still refuses to make accommodations for you and treat you better, it becomes a major foul. He is defining his relationship with you, and you are being kept in the broom closet. After months of dating, he never introduced you to anyone he knows? Major. Once he is in major flaw territory, there is little hop to this relationship becoming normal, and you will be trapped forever in why doesn’t he respond to my text and what did I do wrong hell.
A minor relationship flaw is a man who hates to go to the mall with you, but will do other things with you. He will introduce you to people he knows. A major relationship flaw is a man who refuses to go anywhere with you, barely texts you back, goes missing, and is only interested in your body and what is in your fridge.
Treat the cause of the relationship problem, not the symptoms
People in go nowhere relationship tend to get lost treating the symptoms rather than the cause. Let’s say, he blows you off and stops talking to you if you talk about anything serious or anything that matters to you. And then, he pays attention if you are sending him suggestive messages or god forbid pictures. Some women, try to treat the symptom. The symptom, is that he is ignoring you when you talk about anything real and paying attention when you act like a free play object. So, treating the symptom would mean, you try to only send him flirts texts or get more suggestive since those are the things he responds to. That is treating the symptom of his ignoring you whenever you are serious. That is not treating the cause, which is you have a man on your hands that simply does not care about your real life. He just wants to use you as a toy if you act obedient and give him no need to care about you or be there for you in real life!
Women bend themselves into pretzels trying to text accommodate user men by not texting as much, gearing their texts towards only things the man responds to, and blaming themselves for the superficiality of the relationship. Women obsess over texts and read all the web sites on should i text him, why isn’t he texting me, why does he never initiate, why does he text not call, and so on. It’s all machinations and flailing around without realizing the bottom line or the cause. The cause is, you are dealing with someone who thinks you are good enough to text but not worthy of a phone call! These text derelict relationship are often symptoms of relationships where the man is not interested in a full-fledged relationship but is willing to use the woman for as long as she allows him to. And, because she allows him to, he does not feel guilty about it!
Ability to distance yourself from those who treat you poorly
The inability to create and maintain strong boundaries in a relationship leave you open to tolerating abysmal treatment in a relationship. This typically happens when one person in the relationship is dating up, and is so desperate to keep the guy (or gal) that she is willing to tolerate more poor treatment than she normally would put up with. If you have weak boundaries, they are going to be tested. That is why relationship experts always say you are only treated as poorly as you allow yourself to be treated. Sure, you might miss out on some good times, but just know that flash in the pan relationships usually cause way more damage to the psyche than they cause pleasure.
One character trait strong women have is that they will not tolerate poor treatment. As a result, they get treated better. A woman with strong convictions and boundaries is going to handle man in such a way that creates attraction. For one thing, she is going to but distance between herself and a man the second he crosses boundaries. For example, if he cancels a date on her, or stands her up, she is not going to invent excuses for him. She just won’t see him again most likely. If you make it clear that you matter, your time matters, and that you demand full respect in relationships, you will be treated better.
Some women stay on in abysmal relationships because they are scared to lose the person. Then, when they do lose him and they watch him move on and treat another woman they way they wanted to be treated, they wonder what is wrong with them. For one thing, the new woman is just that, new. Things look rosy at the outset just like they did when you met him. It may not last. In the meantime, it does not do you any good to marvel at how he treats someone else. The important thing is, how did he treat you. Putting space between yourself and a person who is not treating you write is an art that women with good boundaries have perfected. They are never going to stay in by a thread while being dissed. If a man blows them off for a couple of weeks, they aren’t going to be jumping at the chance to see him when he bothers to rear his head.
If you accept poor treatment, you will get poor treatment. Be sure to distance yourself away from people who are treating you poorly. This sends a clear message that you command respect and are not going to accept a relationship that is hanging on by a toe nail, or other body part.