Is there anything specific that you are doing wrong which is causing your relationships to get lost in casual land and never progress to real relationship mode? Yes! Only after authoring a billion articles on text message, relationships, casual relationships and the hookup culture, do the common dating mistakes that women make become glaringly obvious.
Don’t feel bad because countless women are making these common dating mistakes. The mistakes involve accepting very obvious poor behavior in relationships and then trying to back-peddle out of that routine later on when it’s already way to late to demand the necessary respect for a real relationship. This article goes into some of the common mistakes women are making that lead into them getting used and abused in relationships.
Mistake #1: Shrugging off his bad behavior
If you are a really attractive and cool girl you might be playing it super cool at the beginning of a relation to get a guy to like you. The goal is to be a laid-back, go with the flow girl. The result is a girl who gets walked all over. The problem is, if you set a precedent of spontaneous plans, meeting him at your place, not having to go out, or only seeing him in private not in public, he becomes trained and spoiled. The more you shrug off his dispectful behavior, the more he disrespects you! If he knows he can stand you up for plans and still make plans with you later because you are so kick-back, he will only learn to walk all over you!
Shrugging off bad behavior because you are so mellow and cool is a bad idea. You won’t come off as easy-going, but rather easy to walk all over and treat as second best.
Mistake #2: Asking him to do something during the day, when you’ve already accepted vampire behavior
If you are waking up to the situation you find yourself in and asking him to spend time with you during light of day, after you’ve already allowed yourself to be holed into a casual physical relationship in the night, give up. It’s already a lost cause and it’s akin to chasing the horse after its already bolted. It’s extremely difficult to change the course of a casual relationship and you will only sound like a pathetic desperate idiot for trying. If a man is treating you like this the best bet is to simply opt out and never talk to him again.
Once you’ve shown him that your door is open to him 24/7 you will never be able to get back to seeing him during the daylight hours or having any sort of normal relationship where you do things like, god forbid, go out to lunch. Way too late for that.
Mistake #3: Asking him to hang out with you more aka begging for crumbs
So you see that he is only coming around for nooky but what you really want is a date. But you are afraid to ask for a date. So instead you ask if he will hang out with you more or you try to sneakily orchestrate situations where he is forced to hang out with you. This is a minimization of what you really want, which is a guy that actually likes you outside the four walls of a room and is desirous of spending time with you. Accepting him treating you like he doesn’t care and then pussy-footing around begging for crumbs of more time together, won’t work either. Once he’s doling out only crumbs, crumbs is all you will get. Begging for more crumbs will not help.
Don’t play down what you really want. If you want a date you need to flat-out ask for one. If you want a boyfriend, state it. Say what you mean and do not underplay your needs and expectations in a relation. You matter too. Learn to tell him exactly what you want so he can understand what your expectations are. A girl with good boundaries will be treated with respect and a girl with poor boundaries will only have her weak boundaries explored and broken down.
Mistake #4: Asking for more or discussing status on text
Asking for more out of a relationship on text message is the most inane thing ever. Guess what you are not getting more because you are living on text message with him! Asking for anything on text, especially more on text, won’t help! It will make you look like a fool though. You would be better off never talking to a man like this again.
Once he realizes he can undermine you to some texts and avoid you when you ask him for real dates, he will just start to play nasty games with you. You are already relegated to texts and then it just gets worse from there. He might avoid you, blow you off for weeks, or play a nasty game of push and pull to see if he can break your boundaries and set you up for occasional relations.
If you are on texts, you aren’t anywhere. And if you are asking for more or discussing things or fighting and bickering about relationship status on text, there is no relationship at all. Let us put this very simply. If he never calls you, there is no relationship other than perhaps a meaningless physical one which he will move on from as soon as he finds greener pastures. Blabbing to him on the text message airwaves will not help matters.
Mistake #5 Pretending a casual relationship is cool with you
There are some women that once they realize they are dealing with a guy who is out of their league and unwilling to give them more in a relationship, decide to accept less! They might glorify it by saying he is great in the sak or whatever, but in reality even if you willingly accept such a relationship you are still willingly disrespecting and demeaning yourself. It’s just denigrating to be in a purely physical relationship and women inevitably wind up emotionally hurt and often severely damaged when these pathetic relationships end.
If you pretend you are cool with a casual relationship it tells the man that you think so little of yourself that you will allow him to use you. He will go ahead and use happily, but he won’t respect you. Pretending that you are so busy with kids, career, and life that all you have time for is this type of relationship is hogwash. Do not kid yourself. All you wind up doing is giving this man an ego trip that you want him so bad you are willing to tolerate polyamory crumbs of affection from him. Everyone wants a relationship where they can spend quality free time with the right person. You are no exception.
How to stop behaviors that cause casual relationships
If you want to stop a casual relationship from either taking root or continuing to exist, there are a few simple tactics you can adopt. First of all, never meetup at your place especially early on in the dating process. This sets a precedent for him sliding over to your house and never having to go out and spend quality time with you in the world.
As far as texting goes try to minimize the text message aspect of the relationship. If all he is willing to do is shoot you an occasional text you should opt out of getting physical with him. Do not send him text after text when he is not even responding. Don’t send series of texts and don’t send big long texts. See reality and let him lift a finger to text you. Better yet, you deserve a phone call. If he won’t, steer clear of him.
Do not beg for more
Do not beg him for more in the relationship, clamour after him for more attention, try to figure out what he is doing, stalk him, or spend time in mental machinations over him. If you are getting ignored, get a life that does not require him. Get rid off the screwing around time wasters and spend time on your own or with men who are able to treat you with some modicum of decency. Lastly, don’t dive right in with the vampires. Don’t give vampires excuses.
Don’t rationalize vampire behavior. You deserve a guy that will text you back, call you, and go out into the light of day with you. If you entangled with someone who is steering you down a casual relationship the best thing you can do is abort out, opt out, run, and just get away. No matter how handsome the man these relations just are not worth it. You’ll be training yourself to accept less, act like its OK to get less, and be forced to tolerate poor treatment.
Talk to any woman who has been involved in one of these casual relationships. She won’t even know what a real date looks like by the time he gets done with her and she won’t be better off after. Watch your own boundaries because it is often a lack of boundaries that leads to your own mistakes that let casual relationships take root. Don’t see him late at night, only communicate by text with him, text him over and over, beg for more time to hangout with him, or act cool with being treated like some sort of backup option. You really want to get jiggy with a man who doesn’t think you are worth a simple phone call?
Women make mistakes in allowing poor treatment to become acceptable early on in the relation in the name of being a cool girl. They want that elusive alpha make who is out of their league so they accept whatever he wants to give rather than what she actually deserves. Women actually foster the casual relationships they get into and wind up resenting and regretting, by the way they act. Don’t. Be a girl with clear boundaries instead of a girl who accepts poor treatment and tries feign like she’s chill with it. The clearer you are on how you wish to be treated, the more likely it is that he will treat you that way.
There are men who will blame the women for the casual relationships they get themselves used up in. The men see it as, if she didn’t like it she should have left. They are absolutely right, she should have.