When it comes to dating and texting, one thing that you always need to remember is that actions speak louder than words. You may not know all of the dating do and don’ts, but if you follow the guideline of looking at his/her actions, you will never be led astray. Here are some tips for watching his actions rather than listening to his words. This advice holds true for interpreting women too.
Trust your gut instincts
Always trust your gut instincts. When you start dating someone you want to ignore those instincts and give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t. Trust is earned. If something sets off an internal bell in your mind it should not be shrugged off. If you feel like he is dating someone else, assume that he may well be. If something doesn’t add up like a story he tells or stupid excuse he gives you, don’t buy into that tall-tale or excuse.
While it may seem ruthless, you need to hit things out of the park right at the get-go. Make sure a man (or woman) knows that you have a good handle and astutely accurate bullsh-t radar. While you may be scared this will make you look like a bee-atch, rest assured that it won’t. If you meet up with a new man who acts like a flake and your gut says “player”, then don’t throw caution to the wind. Keep your emotional distance. If you meet up with a man and he acts nervous but your gut says to give him a second chance, then trust your gut too.
Women especially have great instincts when it comes to men. It’s when they ignore their gut and rush ahead regardless that they run into trouble. Trust your gut instincts and if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t right. Never throw caution to the wind early on in a relationship because you will regret such naivety later.
Don’t ignore red flags
Women are good at seeing red flags in a guy. But, when it comes to listening to those red flags, they epically fail. They fail because if they are attracted, lonely, or just needy, they tend to forge ahead with a new guy in spite of the red flags glaring in front of them. Big mistake.
Let’s say your guy keeps talking about an ex. That’s a red flag that they aren’t over their ex! What if they are sketchy about their dating status. Red flag! Are they pulling a disappearance act on you? Flag! Do they make a plan and then fail to follow through? Uh-huh! Do they come around your place but you have yet to be over at their place or be introduced to anyone they know? Big fat flag! Remember, guys are on their best behavior before you get intimate. Afterwards, you find out very quickly what they are all about.
No matter how fantastic a guy is, if he isn’t into you, he isn’t into you. Once you become the pursuer and are the one initiating contact and plans, you have the biggest red flag of all: disinterest. Lack of interest is the biggest red flag that women are likely to ignore as well. The man withdraws and contacts them less and less. Instead of seeing that flag and realizing that the man just isn’t interested and is really not worth their time, they become the pursuer in the relationship.
It’s not that we can’t see red flags, it’s that we stupidly choose to ignore them for the sake of getting our guy at any cost. Don’t be afraid to fail and move on. The more willing you are to move right along from a guy, the more he will behave in such a way as to keep you staying. If you put up with poor treatment on the other hand, more poor treatment is what you can expect. You will never be rewarded for tolerating bad behavior.
Actions speak louder than words
Actions always speak louder than words. With women especially, they seem to be mentally deficient when it comes to interpreting actions. For example, a guy they have been seeing goes MIA. A woman will make excuse after excuse up for this guy. He’s busy, he’s depressed, he has other things going on, he is wrapping up loose ends, he is scared of falling in love, not ready to commit, just out of a serious relationship, and blah, blah, blah. So the woman finds herself rationalizing his disappearance act! She will come up with excuses for him that not even he could have dreamed up.
Don’t rationalize his behavior. Look at his behavior on the most animalistic and primitive level, and take those actions at face value rather than reading what you want to read into them. Don’t make excuses for that man. If he isn’t calling you for weeks on end, take it at face value: Here is a guy who is perfectly fine with not calling you for weeks on end, period! Don’t make excuses. You want a boyfriend who just falls off the map without a care in the world? No!
Don’t ignore his actions. If a guy is blowing you off, you need to see plain as day, that you’ve got a guy blowing you off! Do you need to call him and question him and get closure about why he is blowing you off? Do you need his excuses, lies and backpedaling explanations? No you do not! He is blowing you off plain and simple. React to that, not the stuff that pours out of his mouth after you chase him down and pin him to the wall. Pay attention to his actions because they are the single biggest indication of what his intentions are.
The more you fall for his excuses and rationalizations, the more you will get used. If you experience his behavior at a more primitive level and interpret his actions directly, you are getting all the information you really need to know what his interest level in you is, and to know what he is really about.
Avoid game playing
Once you are put in the position of game playing, you should probably be opting out mentally from this relation. Let’s say he’s been blowing you off for a week. Are you really going to sit around wasting a bunch of mental energy wondering if you should text him or designing the stupid text you will send? Don’t! The second you are mentally twisting your mind and trying to manipulate how to get him back into you and so on and so forth, you are in a lost cause situation.
If you feel yourself trying to play games, like text games, ignore games, disappear games, see other people games, act like you don’t care games, you don’t need them games, cheat games, or whatever games, you should probably be getting out of this relationship and fast. Don’t invest emotionally in a relationship where the entire relation is just a bunch of game playing.
If you have a problem, or are not interested in someone any more, don’t play games with them either. Let them know what is up. People don’t appreciate being strung along, messed with, or hurt. The more honest and direct you can be the better. If you treat people with consideration, you are more likely to be treated with consideration in return.
Know when to opt out
Opting out is an option that most women just don’t consider. Once you are at the point where a guy is playing you, flaking out on dates, doesn’t bother to call you but texts you only, or breaking plans and forgetting what day it is when it comes to you, consider opting out and fast. The longer you stay in it with a man who is willing to trample you emotionally, the worse off you will be. Let a guy know that you aren’t sticking around to be treated poorly no matter how hot he happens to be.
The best way to deal with a game player is to do a game over on them. That shows that you aren’t going to chase after an unobtainable guy, or tolerate poor treatment. You might have to end relationships earlier than you would have liked, but trust me no hottie guy is worth accepting emotional damage in exchange for his company. Emotional damage sticks and stays with you. Therefore, best to avoid getting involved and getting physical with people who demonstrate they don’t give a damn about your emotional well-being.
Remember that you should trust your gut, pay attention to red flags, look at his (or her) actions and take them at face value, refuse to play games, and opt out when you aren’t being cherished. Once you have solid boundaries of what sort of nonsense you will or won’t put up with, you will be treated better. Not only that, the ones who never planned to treat you right in the first place will get weeded out before they have an opportunity to hurt you and mess with your head. The more solid your ego, boundaries and standards are, the better off will fare in the dating jungle. You only get treated as poorly as you allow yourself to be treated.