Have you sent texts to your girlfriend, boyfriend or best friend so much to the point that they ex-communicated you, and now you want them back? Here are some tips for getting your behavior under control to the point where your friend will actually trust you and make up with you after you text harrassed them nonstop.
Quit Texting
The texting phenomenom is beginning to spiral out of control. Don’t beat yourself up too bad about it because many people over text and regret it. It can feel just like an addiction impulse to text. Teenagers average over two thousand text messages a month! Sending and recieving from 80-100 messages a day is not unusual. This trickles over into adults too, who have picked right up on the texting trend. They complain about their kids texting but they are hypocrites that are on their iphone and blackberry’s 24/7 too. Texting works well for adults because they can communicate with someone they are dating without having the kids active in the background. If you are one of these people who texts until your thumbs hurt, and you come across someone who doesn’t text like crazy, you may have a real problem on your hands.
The person who texts only occasionally is going to be totally put off by all of your text messages. To you, the texting them constantly offers companionship and connectedness. To the person you are texting however, it can make them feel over exposed to you and anxious. They will start to feel like your interest in texting and knowing about every single thing that is going on in their lives causes them anxiety. They will feel closed in by your aggresive contact. And, pretty soon they are going to feel like they are getting text stalked because they can’t even get through their day with you out of the loop of their cell phone.
If your friend has repeatedly told you to stop texting and you can’t, its time to step back and get a grip and respect what they are saying. You may feel like they are dumping you and rejecting you, but in reality they just want you to stop texting them. It is not that complicated. The best way to get the person back into your life as a friend is to make a serious effort to stop texting. Yes, its hard, but give them what they want.
Change your Behavior for Real
The number one way to stop texting is to start thinking from the viewpoint of the other person and stop being so selfish. Texting a person who has told you to stop is actually selfish. The person is not going to think you are capable of listening to what they want in terms of your relationship if you can’t respect their boundries. If you want to keep this person in your life, you need to go through all the quit texting tips and stop texting them.
You can initiate texting less, not get into conversations on text with them, practice the 2 days without texting them test, and even turn off your texting plan for a while. Believe if or not, getting your texting dependency under control can have a positive effect on your relationships in general. If you can broaden your horizon and realize that there are still people who just aren’t into texting, you’ll be better off. You are going to encounter different communication preferences and its a good skill to be able to adapt yourself to the preferences of the person you are dealing with. You have to look at the quit texting goal as something for yourself. It’s not just a game strategy to get this person to like you. Its being able to go through a simple sequence that someone is telling you they aren’t digging what you are doing and so you need to stop if you want to continue to be their friend without annoying them.
When I initially got over texting I had alot of excuses about how I was sort of addicted to talking to the person on text all the time and loved checking in and seeing what they were up to and staying connected. Guess what they really didn’t care. The really didn’t care about all my excuses and lip service about stopping. It really wasn’t even up for negotiation. They viewed it as a simple thing, just stop, just stop. Just stop texting because its annoying and why don’t you wait until I get in touch with you. And if thats not often enough for your liking then just leave me alone. So you see, the person who gets annoyed by your texts will definitely throw up a boundry wall on you once you text them one too many times.
When you go to quit texting don’t just do it as a game to get the person back. Do it to proove that you can stop yourself from texting someone that does not wish to be texted. It’s actually a good reltionship excercise because your instant gratification has to be put aside and you have to do something that is hard for you for the other person. There is no sense in getting mad at the person or trying to attack them for not being able to text. They may be acting rigid and you may be right. But, they’ve told you how they feel. If you don’t respect the boundry they may block your number and reach a point of no return where they ex out your friendship or relationship with them.
Apologize then Wait
After you stop the games and really get on a pattern where you aren’t texting them, you will see clearly where your relationship is with this person. If you stop texting, and they never even get in touch with you, it may really hurt. You’ll hear a silence after your crazy beep beep and vibrating and flashing lights texting stops. If you find yourself staring at the phone don’t worry you’ll slowly get used to the silence of your own non texting.
Hopefully after the course of weeks or a few months your friend will recognize that you have actually stopped texting them and you aren’t just being a limbic who stops and then all of a sudden unleashes a spew of texts that negates the stopping. They will actually believe you. If they do take up the reigns and send you a text its a good sign, just only respond back with one or two word answers and do this only when they initiate. It will be their turn then to actually pick up the phone and call you and re-establish the fiendship or romance.
Once you hear from your friend, a genuine apology for all the texting would be in order. And acknowledgement that you like the texting but hadn’t realized just how much they didn’t like it. And, an acknowledgement that you began to respect their boundries and make a genuine effort to change. And, just saying your sorry. Noone is perfect and if this person cares about you well then it should be enough to make up with you.
If they don’t make up with you, then there is not much you can do. At least you tried. If you leave them alone they may come back around at a later point in time, so just let it go. Don’t get upset that they would not make up with you, just let it go. The next time you get involved you will be more aware of your texting. Things like who initiates and if its you sending all the texts will be evident in your mind after losing a friendship to texting. You’ll really be better off believe it or not.
|
