An early connection with that man does not equal a relationship with that man

Have you ever dated a man and felt an amazing early connection and passion only to watch it fizzle after just a few months?  When dating men, it is critical to know and understand that an early connection by no means is indicative that he wants a relationship with you.

Early on, he might call you, date you, spend time with you and even get physically involved with you.  But really, there is nothing in that behavior that indicates he wants a deeper or meaningful relationship with you.  He is coming from a place of initial lust and attraction.  He isen’t thinking about a future with you whatsoever and he is mainly trying to say what you want to hear and get you into his arms.   Until he gets into a completely difference emotional zone, none of this early dating behavior he exhibits adds up to much.

The danger of assuming an early connection with a man you are dating

Assuming a connection early on in the relationship is a common mistake or misread I should say, that women make.  If that new relationship gets physical and sparks are flying, the woman might assume that she is going to be the only woman he wants  to be with.  She thinks it means boyfriend girlfriend.  Wrong.  Never assume anything early on in a relationship.  In fact, assume that a man is going to do or say anything he can to get you into bed with him.  He’s attracted, he is going to be on good behavior saying and doing what he thinks you want him to say and do,  Don’t read much more into it.  He is on good behavior and has a goal in mind such an intimate encounter, is all it is.

If you do think you are boyfriend and girlfriend just because you’ve been hanging out or even sleeping together you are likely to get a very rude awakening.  He probably thinks he is just getting to know you and has no clue at this point if he really wants a relationship with you.  It is only after he gets physical and pulls away with time to think that he has his actual thinking cap on.  If he wants a relationship with you, he’ll be the one letting you know and not the other way around.  If he doesn’t ask you to be exclusive or bring up the topic, take that to mean you aren’t in a relationship with him.  You might be getting physicall all right, but there is no relationship.

How assumptions make you text message a man you are dating too much and turn him off

Making assumptions and getting carried away by either your percieved status with a man or wanting to discuss that status with a man, makes you text. Suddenly, it shifts from you being attractive, playful and out of his reach, to you texting him asking his whereabouts, demanding that he stop seeing other women, and wanting to know where he is at all the time.  Not only that, you might waffle between assuming a relationship, becoming upset with him for not acting like he is in one.   You freak if he begins avoiding you, becoming even more insecure, confused, needy and emotional on text. You get intimate and seemingly overnight you are clingy, then controlling then upset when he reacts to it all and pulls back.

If ever there was a reason for him to consider you an emotionally immature turn off, its after you’ve been physical for the first time. This is the reason why dating experts advise women not to rush into getting physical until they have a more solid understanding of where they are at with a man. If you can’t count on him, you’re likely to become emotionally insecure after intimacy.

The fastest way to make him lose attraction for you is by trying too hard to contact him all the time. If you are sending stupid text messages about nothing in particular in an effort to try and get him to like you, he is going to turn off and ignore the messages. Then, if you start texting about the relationship and acting too serious too soon, he is going to really blow you off. You can’t talk or text your way into a mans heart. Until he is emotionally involved and asking you for an exclusive relationship, make no assumptions. Just assume you are dating and if getting physical is going to make you wrongly assume you are more to him than you are, then don’t do it.

Qualities men like to see in a woman they are dating

A man wants a woman who is playful, independent, emotionally mature and that he feels emotionally attracted to.  The minute a woman assumes a relationship just because they’ve been dating someone or have gotten physical with him, is the minute these qualities men like to see in her fly out the window.

If you are badgering him about why you can’t call him your boyfriend or why he won’t get off the Internet dating site you met him on, it is hardly playful interaction in his mind.  It’s forceful, pushy and assuming, not playful.  That’s why dating coaches recommend not to get physical that early because you barely know him and are bound to start making demands after your oxytocin hormones go through the roof over him.

Then when you get upset because you thought that being physical meant things were going somewhere but he hadn’t even begun to ponder where things were going other than to sex, he views you as a child having a tantrum.  So, so fast you are no longer fun and playful, and your emotional maturity just devolves from there into a bickering argument over relationship status.  Turn off.

What happens when suddenly you are sitting home whining and texting him because he’s off at a birthday dinner with his buddies not including you in the plan?  Your independence, a trait he admires in a woman, is gone right along with the playfulness and emotional maturity.  If you rely on him so much then suddenly you don’t come across as the independent woman whom he was originally attracted to.  Being independent doesn’t mean dating other men or flaunting yourself.  It can simply mean that you have other things going on in life other than just him.  You have a purpose, interests, your own friends and things to do that don’t always include him.

How assuming a connection with him takes away from the qualities he cherishes in a woman he dates

Men cherish the qualities in women that make her independent.  Men love women who are playful and fun, yet emotionally mature, independent and attractive.  The minute you wrongly assume that you are in a deeper relationship with him than you really are, these womanly qualities fly out the window.   Suddenly you become too serious, pushy, needy, child-like and unattractive.  If you’re cornering him into having the dreaded relationship talk early on say after you’ve been intimate it will be like attraction killing poison injected right into his arm.

The upshot to this article is never to assume a deep connection early on in the dating process.  Don’t assume it, that way you won’t get carried away into thinking that his desire to hang out, bed you or get physical equals his desire to be in a committed relationship.  Assume only what the situation dictates.  You’re dating, and you barely know each other.  Dating a few months merely means dating a few months.  Until you are dating for quite some time and he brings up the topic of a relationship, you aren’t in one.  You’re just dating him and he may well be dating others. 

If getting physical with someone you are merely dating is going to turn you into a basket case that assumes or demands a relationship from him after just a few days, weeks or months, don’t get physical.  Wait until your connection is deeper and he talks about exclusivity, longevity and continuity with you.  If you don’t know whether a man is going to call you the day after you are intimate, don’t get intimate.  Hold back and hang on to those qualities that he cherishes – playfulness, emotional maturity, and independence. 

Be the attractive woman he liked when you started to date for as long as possible, and never assume a relationship until it is made clear by him that there is one

Always keep your looks top notch, stay healthy and in shape, and remember what attracted him to you in the first place.  Stray true to that until he is your boyfriend.  The less you assume about commitment, the more you’re emotional sanity will be upheld.  Assume you aren’t committed until he’s indicated that he wants to be.  Being physical is no indication of anything other than the fact that he’s a man and you meet his attraction threshold.  That’s a start, but not a relationship by any means.

An early physical connection or chemical attraction does not equal a relationship between a man and woman that are merely dating and in reality, just getting to know one another


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