When your date cancels on you by text

So you’ve been dating a few months and find yourself expecting that Friday night out with your significant other.  But rather than the date you get the last minute blow off by text message no less.  It’s a rather rude three word text Can’t make it. And now you are sitting home on a Friday or Saturday night plan less and stewing.  OK it’s not a text breakup but it is a date blow off by text, and it can start an angry text fight that leads to a breakup if it escalates out of control.

Date blown off by text message

The annoyance of a text message blow-off, be it cancelling plans, a date or other activity at last minute in a totally insensitive manner, is something we’ve all experienced.  And that annoyance coupled with other issues or multiple blow-offs can lead to frustrating and heated exchanges on text message.  People get pissed off and a nasty text argument over flakiness can ensue.  Without being able to physically connect or even hear your partners voice the text exchange can get inpersonal and down right mean spirited.

Sometimes angry text can lead to makeup text which can lead to good things.  But most of the time, angry text just leads to angrier text.  There likely won’t be any makeup until the texting stops.  If you get annoyed over a text blowoff it can start a text fight right then and there.  If you try to be a good sport about being blown off on the other hand, you can silently build resentment within yourself over not being a priority and grow to secretly hold a grudge on your partner.  Then you might take it out later in the form of a text ranting.

Blow-offs aren’t good, but text blow-offs are the worst.  It’s similar in nature to being dumped by text but in this case its just a blow off of a plan that was in place, or so you thought.  For some reason, when it is done on text it can seem meaner.  It’s callous.  Maybe the person did have a legitimate reason to cancel and maybe they didn’t.  Sometimes the person doesn’t even cancel they just fail to text you and then you start the text fight from scratch because they never followed through or touched base with you at all. 

If you are repeatedly getting blown off this may be an indirect way that your partner is trying to break up with you.  It is even possible that they become a flake on purpose in the hopes that you’ll get mad and break up with them.  If they are utterly unapologetic about a last minute cancellation it could part of a passive breakup plan.  When you want something to fizzle without a fight or discussion, you become a flake.

Date blowoffs for legitimate reasons do happen.  Angry texts also happen because of such flakiness.  The question is, are you going to let a date blow off send you into a text rant?  You shouldn’t.  As mad as you get, the long text rant you might be tempted to send them expressing your deep frustration and annoyance over flakiness issues will likely lead to your partner tuning you out completely.  They’ll think you’re being selfish for not understanding.  If you over react badly they’ll label you as a psyco who can’t handle a change of plans.  Even if their plans are insidious and they are cheating, they’ll turn it around on you and your angry texts.

How to deliver an angry text without it backfiring

The best way to deliver an angry text is not to deliver it at all.  Because in reality, saying nothing is an expression of your displeasure just as good as saying something would be.  By if you must issue an angry text here is a good tip for doing it with proper etiquette yet still getting your point across so that it doesn’t end your relationship completely.

Distill it.  That’s right.  Distill it down.  That means, take whatever time you need to process all the thoughts you have, get past all the names you’d like to call them right now, put aside all the other things that bug you about them, and stick to the topic.  If you distill it down, you can express your displeasure forcefully without using the obscene language and hurling insults.  Don’t lead into a discussion over it and don’t make it be long winded and multi-text-ed.  

Stick to the issue, distill it down, and then issue the one angry text you need to that expresses the core thought.  Here’s an example response, shown below, to a date blowoff by text that sticks to the subject, gets the point across, still uses proper etiquette, and avoids ranting.  No swear words, just make the point loud and clear then drop it.  Because one distilled text that says what you need to say without dragging the relationship rug and all of its issues into that blow off exchange, is going to be more effective. 

If you need to break a plan it would help to let me know sooner and also to call me rather than text me.  I am disappointed.

If you continue to get flaked out on by text message, consider opting out of plans or limiting the plans with this person to days or evenings where you don’t mind if the plan flies or not.  Some people like to make plans by the seat of their pants and are totally insensitive to the other people involved.  Unfortunately, these are the very same people that text everything rather than use the phone.  Continued flaking could indicate an underlying problem in the relationship.  A text rant won’t help matters but recognizing that your feelings or time aren’t part of their equation is something to consider. 

Habitual date flaking on text could indicate they are dating others

Flaking on text is often a warning sign that the person with whom the plan was made is juggling other people and may be dating others. If someone if casually dating you and then meets someone new that they are seriously interested in you might find that they disappear into the wordwork or become busy, tentative and vacuous about keeping plans with you like they used to.

Someone dating multiple people can’t keep a plan to save their lives because other opportunities can pop up at any moment.  They can’t plan ahead because they are juggling and you’re not the only ball being juggled.  Cheaters are the ones that are most likely to flake on text message. If someone not only tries to make plans with you on text message instead of the phone, but continually and randomly seems to flake and fade into the woodwork on you as well, you may want to consider opting out of seeing them.  Sadly, flakes inspire addictive texting because they become people you can’t have or see easily which makes you want them more. 

Just remember this.  When people have plans they want to keep, they keep them. And if they care and can’t keep them due to an unforeseen problem, they’ll call you.  Just saying.


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