Have you ever been suspicious that the man you’re supposedly exclusive with is cheating on you? If you’ve ever felt insecure about your man then you know it is a breeding ground for obsessive thinking. Catching his indiscrtions by snooping his cell phone messages is atop the list of ways that cheaters get found out. He gets a text or email on his smart phone while he has stepped away, you read it and boom he is caught.
The initial idea that he is cheating usually comes as a mild hunch in the back of your mind. Because you can’t really believe he would do something that heinous, it remains a swirling nagging thought still fuzzy and ill-defined. This, can drive a woman crazy! Eventually, she might be internally pushed to do some checking up on him. She becomes her own private detective and starts to look for clues to confirm her suspicions.
I will tell you a secret about how cheaters and liars act. This is a glaringly obvious behavior and any good private investigator worth their salt will tell you this in no uncertain terms. Cheaters respond to your suspicions by telling you that you are crazy. If you suspect he’s cheating and he’s calling you crazy, I hate to say it but you might be into something.
Cheaters always call you crazy
Cheaters always want to deny what they are doing. If you confront your guy about suspicions you have, he will likely want to make you feel bad about yourself. His entire goal will be to make you doubt yourself more than you doubt him. He’ll try to make it all about you being a nag, not trusting him, and downright crazy. If he is really cunning, after a while he’ll start to give you the silent treatment stating the reason as being you’re so crazy that I won’t even discuss this with you.
I hate to say it but his you’re crazy defense will be the very thing that drives you crazy! If you try to have an adult conversation and he doesn’t want to cop to his undercover cheating then you just will get nowhere. He’ll make you feel like you are a horrible, un-trusting and nagging person who is losing their mind.
It’s bad enough that your boyfriend would cheat on you. But to add insult to injury, he’ll try to make you feel like you’re losing it if you dare to confront him. The only way to confront him is to have nerves of steel and not let him make you into the crazy person that he is accusing you of being. Stay calm.
If you’ve checked his cell phone or seen emails or heard from a friend that there are reasons for you to believe he is a cheater stay calm. Late nights, too much time spent at work, sudden changes in appearance or hobbies, secretive computer passwords and accounts are some of the telltale cheating signs you might notice.
Hidden bills, bank accounts, credit cards and a gradual shifting of paperwork from the home over to his workplace are other signs of cheating. Sometimes catching a cheater is as simple as doing a credit check on him. He may be racking up charges on a credit card or line of credit that you never even knew existed.
The last thing you want is for him to succeed in making you look, act or sound crazy. Unfortunately when men cheat it makes the woman go bonkers. She is hurt, scared and being deceived by her lover. She doesn’t know what to believe and has a confusing array of emotions.
Experts suggest focus on the relationship, not the cheating
Confronting a cheater or liar is difficult. It’s going to be tough because if you confront a cheater it may be the watershed even that leads to the end of your relationship. Whether he admits to the cheating or not it’s going to be tough and you may get denial and a redirect of him criticizing you.
Some books on affairs and how to recover from them advise women to focus on the relationship itself rather than the cheating element of it. In other words, if you tell him that you’ve noticed your relationship becoming distant and want to work on it, it’s an indirect way of telling him that your antlers are up on something going on.
If you don’t wish to break up then fixing your relationship is more important than catching the cheating. If you focus on the relationship rather than the cheating, he is less likely to start with the crazy accusations because you haven’t pushed him into a defensive corner on his cheating. Being told you’re crazy when you know you’re not and just dealing with a liar and cheater in general is the most frustrating thing.
Before you confront the cheater think carefully about your relationship. Try to get a grip on how much you value it, and whether you want to try and save it or not. If you want to save it you can maybe get some professional advice such as therapy or counseling. That person could walk you the best ways as to how to bring the matter up with him, and also be a support person for you.
Don’t just get arm chair advice from your scorned divorced friend. She’s likely to be the most understanding but may not be the one to help if you want to fix things. If you want to save the relationship then get help or read practical advise from someone who has expertise in fixing relationships after affairs or cheating.