Avoiding men who are not interested in you and how to tell you are getting used

If you join an online dating service you have to be aware that while some men are online looking for a serious relationship, others are there to play. Women must exercise an abundance of caution when dating members of online dating web sites. Some men online can be wolves in sheep’s clothing. From the male perspective there are an abundance of women to meet when they join a dating web site and they might be more interested in exploring the variety of possibilities than in finding a girlfriend to spend quality time with on the weekends. You’d think that you identify the men who are just playing the field by looking for men who list themselves as being single and make a genuine sounding profile. If they listed as not married, no longer separated, and state on their profile that they are looking for the real thing and no games, you take it at its word.

Men might lie about their availability or interest in a relationship

The fact of the matter is that men know that you are going to discount them for certain reasons so they may choose to white lie about these things just to appeal to more women. They may say they want long term dating when they don’t, they may say they aren’t married when technically they are separated, they don’t mention they haven’t moved out of their ex-wives house quite yet, they say they don’t care about your income but maybe they really do. They may act like they have no problem you have children but in reality they won’t touch a single mother with a ten foot pole. They could claim they aren’t dating anyone but they may in fact be getting to know one or more other women on the side and are looking to trade up. A man may even talk about wanted a meaningful relationship when in fact a relationship is in all honesty the furthest thing from his mind. Women also may be inclined to fib about certain facts such as their age and neighborhood in order to attract more men. Everyone fibs about something on the net it would seem.

So, given that so many singles are tempted to tell lies to try and impress, how do you really know the difference between the men who are dating for sport and the ones that actually want a girlfriend to be with? You figure it out by watching how they behave. Don’t be that woman who purposely pulls wool over her eyes in an effort to miss the obvious signs because they find a man online to be attractive or are just desperate to find a man period. Here are a few signs that are going to tell you whether a man is just out to play the field casually, or actually interested in your for real. If you are perceptive you should be able to read signs before you get intimate, instead of after. This can help you avoid becoming a casualty of a man who made you into a fake temporary girlfriend to have some fun and you fell for it, and then they vanished to move on to their next challenge, rarely if ever calling or texting you back. What follows are some of the more subtle hints that can help you see a game player and avoid wasting your time investing in him. In the dating world, especially the online dating world, it helps save time to know what type of man you are dealing with.

A man who can easily turn on the charm to impress you

A perpetual bachelor is going to turn on the charm and be very attractive. He is going to know how to talk to you and how to make you open up. He is going to be that man that all women enjoy talking to and trust me that you aren’t the only woman that finds him attractive. If you meet a man that seems charming and gorgeous and too good to be true he probably is. A gorgeous man walking around single does not have his head in the sand. He has plenty of experience with women and he didn’t just walk out of a bubble. Speaking of bubbles he is going to be able to pretty effortlessly make you feel like him and you are in a bubble when you are together. He is attentive and acts like its just you and him but that’s only when you are together. When you aren’t together it is out of sight out of mind. He is going to be skilled at making you want to vi for his attention again and again.

In terms of text messaging you’ll find the charm turned on and focused on your beauty and flirting. For example, he’ll tell you how pretty you are, send you flirtatious texts, ask you for pictures, comment on your pictures, compliment you, and marvel at your beauty turning you into mush. When you first meet him, he won’t stop flirting with you. It will continue on text message too, all the way until he gets romantically involved with you. Then you won’t hear from him nearly as much on text message, if at all. His behavior towards you will change markedly after he gets his closer to you. He’ll back off and cool off. The rub here is seeing what is going on during the heavy flirting stage rather than realizing what is going on after you’ve completely fallen for him and gotten too close.

A man who is not serious about you is going to escalate on you fast

Men who are not serious about you are going to escalate on you quickly and confidently. They are going to be openly flirtatious with you. These are the type of men that are almost impervious to getting rejected. They just put themselves out on the limb and err on the side of being too aggressive. If they think you are gorgeous and that you have a great figure they are going to tell it right to you and even comment on your social profiles for example your posted pictures on face book. They won’t care who’s watching or listening and they just say it like it is if they are attracted to you. They won’t be shy to take things personal and suggestive and they will openly and blatantly compliment you on your looks and beauty. They won’t even hesitate about it. If they make a pass at you and take it further then you feel comfortable it is going to be you having to say no. When you say no, they will just shrug their shoulders but they won’t sting with rejection. It’s like a dog that tries to jump in your lap and when you make it get down it will get down, but it will also jump up again on you happily very, very soon. Men who aren’t invested in you don’t get upset because of having their feathers ruffled by rejection since it is merely a challenge and they let it roll right off their back.

Men who don’t respect you are going to send you flirty message before they really get to know you. However far you are willing to go with them they will take it. From leaving suggestive voice mails to exchanging pictures and everything in between. He is going to try and get you to think romance and you probably will marvel at his smooth moves and be entranced by all the attention. But you have to seriously step back from the heat of the moment and ask yourself if you want to be engaged in potentially inappropriate behavior with someone who is not even your boyfriend as yet. Someone, who you really don’t know all that well.

Take note if he appears to be subtly focusing on logistics

A smooth man is always going to be looking undercover for a good logistical situation that eases his path to getting romantic with you. Just about anywhere will do, but the point is you will see him subtly steering things towards some sort of convenient location. He is going to interview you on logistics right off the bat. For example if you meet him in a party setting he will ask where you live and who you are at the gathering with, and if you have a ride home or not. If he actually asked you out on the date then you will see him guide things towards a positive location for his romantic agenda. He might even try to create obligations before your date and skip the date altogether. Like suggesting seeing where you live or you visiting him or getting a rental movie to watch at home. Generally those are cozy things you do with someone you’ve been dating a while. But with a smooth operator these types of homey dates are going to happen very early in the dating process, too early. If you have blinders on, you won’t even see that you are getting manipulated.

Some men are upfront and obvious. They state off the bat that they don’t want anyone serious. Others are more skilled at the entire dating process and they really don’t reveal their intentions. If you meet someone who is so charming you ponder your stroke of luck to have found such a great single man, he escalates on you romantically very quickly and confidently, and he turns on the charm making you feel like you’ve known him for a while when you don’t know his agenda at all. You may be dating a true player. Be careful to spot this type of man and try to screen him out if not right away, then very quickly. Men like this have all the time in the world because they are just enjoying their time and love dating women. Fall in love with one of these types of Casanovas and you could lose valuable time of your life, not to mention you could get badly hurt. If he is too good to be true, he probably is.

Consider carefully before allowing a heart throb man to waste your time and potentially hurt you. A real man with genuine intentions, will not have game like this. He’ll be ten times more human and when he dates you it will be completely obvious that he likes you and he will spend time with you just to spend it. If he is having friends over to BBQ, you will be invited. You’ll have alarmingly clear signals from a man who is really interested because he is the one that wants to get to know you. He will call you, want to spend a whole day with you, and he’ll ask you and make plans with you to go out and do things consistently. Men that value a women and are genuinely interested aren’t going to want to get intimate right away like a fly by night smooth mover would. A good man will go through the dating bases one by one and follow the elemental dating process like they are supposed to.

In terms of text message a man who is not interested in you is going to want to get together with you spontaneously and immediately and conveniently, with not a concern in the world for an actual date. He’s going to flirt and escalate and even if he is out with other friends he’ll act like he just has to see you later that evening and that it can’t wait. He just can’t wait to see you when it is convenient to him and he will be manipulating and working angles to have to get over to your place because sparks are flying between you and the chemistry is amazing. This is the man that will make you forget that you were supposed to get a date from him and you’ll realize it way too late that you are interested in a man who is not really interested in you. It’s a critical dating skill to recognize where things are headed before you get depressed and feeling somehow like you were involved in a hit and run accident by Mr. Perfect who subsequently vanishes. Women rarely feel good about themselves after getting involved with a man too quickly.

He’ll push the envelope whereas real boyfriend material will connect by taking it slower

A man who does not respect you will not hesitate to get as physically aggressive as you let him. He is going to push the envelope. He might be trying to get to know you and connect but for the most part he just thinks you are attractive and wants to get to know you romantically as a first priority. Really getting to know you is secondary to him. This is alarmingly different than a man who is trying to pursue you as a potential girlfriend. He is going to do the opposite and want to protect your integrity and take things a little slower and more normal. He is going to spend time trying to get to know you, go out on some dates with you seeing as he will be actually trying to figure out if he likes your company. You should be able to tell because a man who views you as girlfriend material is going to be screening you for personality, good conversation, seeing if you two are compatible on a lot of different levels and so on. Yes he will be flirting with you and getting somewhat physical but he is going to actually want things between you to go fairly normally and memorably.

The bottom line is that if you don’t feel like you are being screened for a potential relationship, you probably aren’t. If he isn’t asking you questions about your life and so on, he probably doesn’t care. If he is just fooling around he won’t care that you live a full hour away, but if he is a boyfriend looking for a girlfriend he will be talking with you about how often you would be able to see each other and manage the distance if things worked out. There’s a big difference and if you pay attention you’ll notice these types of things. If he wants to pursue you for a just a fling he is going to be careless and aggressive and not worried about whether it would be practical to date you. If he wants to get to know you because you are girlfriend material he is going to be way more cautious and he is going to screen for compatible characteristics. Lastly, if he is interested in you then you are going to get regular phone calls from him, not just texts. If this post even gets a woman to think more clearly about what is going on in her dating process then it is a good thing I wrote it.


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