Being Dumped? Silence is Golden

If you are in the process of getting dumped or already were dumped it is incredibly tempting to grovel after the person and try to beg forgiveness to save your relationship. When it comes to groveling, text message is often the chosen forum. The reason is that if this person hasn’t blocked your number yet and meanwhile refuses to pick up the phone, then text becomes the underhanded back door way to keep bellowing out your displeaure or angst over the breakup to them. Don’t do it!

Don’t text. Don’t stroke their ego after they dump you on text message by responding with a bunch of blithering texts. Instead, call a spade a spade and remove yourself from communications. In other words, give them what they want not as a favor to them, but as a favor to yourself because it shows that you won’t stoop to groveling after a person that dissed you and your relationship on text message.

Being alone sucks so you try to negotiate your way into not getting dumped even thought its nearly impossible to change a persons outlook once they decide that they’d rather take their chances elsewhere than be with you. Become silent for a while because at least there is hope that you will gather back your self respect and run not walk away from a relationship that is hanging by a pathetic text thread.

It’s probably not even worth your time of day to respond to a text dumping but you need time to realize this fact and gain a better perspective. Adopting the silence is golden motto will give you the time you need to figure out what you will do and if you will respond and get clear on how you really feel. It will also force your ex to think about actions and consequences and make sure that dumping you was what they really wanted. Give them the gift of missing you for a while.

Silence is Golden

If you just got dumped, it is helpful to adopt the silence is golden mantra because it prevents you from lowering your self respect. You won’t lower your boundries by flipping out or groveling for another chance. You don’t want to argue, discuss repeatedly, negotiate, scream, yell, cry or beg on text message. It will only make you look totally and completely pathetic. You don’t want to present a plan to fix it, go emo, throw a tantrum, or spit out a verbal diarrhea of text messages about what you think and how you feel. It’s pretty much all wasted energy being thrown to the wind not to mention it just looks bad on your part, so just don’t. Keep your dignity and self respect and if they don’t want to be with you then consider the relationship no longer viable. That means opt out, not hang in there still texting/crawling after them.

Silence doesn’t mean accepting bad treatment, it means opting out and taking care of yourself

Remember that by being silent over the matter you aren’t tacitly going along with what your ex says. You aren’t suddenly deciding to become mum and just take whatever abuse and crummy treatment that they dole out. You don’t just sit by and let them run roughshod over you. All it means is that you aren’t going to call them, text them, or email them. Why? Because they dumped you! They said they would rather meet a totally new person than be with you. There is little at that point to talk about. Unless they leave and miss you and decide they made the wrong choice, there is little you can do to try to convince them otherwise. In fact, convincing behavior and trying to admit blame and loathe yourself for the demise is going to be a total turnoff and just cement the breakup.

Silence includes no texts, emails, letters or phone calls, AND no fringe benefits

Besides a verbal and sms/texting silence, you should be sure to erect a physical silence that goes right along with that text silence. That means, don’t slip in free makeup sex and fringe benefits to your ex while you remain silent. If you do so, you are tacitly approving the rotten treatment and essentially throwing yourself under the relationship bus. That would mean a downgrade in your status not you opting out of the relationship because they chose to dump you. The reason your silence should be physical is because thats another consequence your ex should feel when they dumped you. Your job is not to physically be with them if they don’t even want to be with you and told you as much.

Why silence is a virtue

Many think that being silent means total acceptance and doing nothing to save a situation. But being silent is actually doing something. It is setting a boundry and delivering a consequence to the dumping. The consequence is that you are no longer verbally, emotionally, or physically available. Until you are over the person, keep clear and work on yourself. What this does is establish that you have relationship standards, self control, and self respect. If you are going to get dumped, particularly by text message, then be sure to set a limit and erect a boundry that you are going to walk away if that person is unavailable for a relationship with you. No matter how attractive and sexy they are and how much chemistry there is between you, you aren’t going to stick around and be a downgraded doormat just for the priveledge of being with someone who is rejecting you outright by a text message no less.

Silence means you get it when its time to bail yourself out and you won’t beg, barter or plead to stay

The minute you beg, barter or plead to stay in a relationship, you will be downgraded to an even less healthy relationship than what you had in the first place. Better to show that you have limits too, and if someone dumps you then you have the self control to reciprocate the dumping and not try to beg your way back through the proverbial text message sms doggydoor.

During the silent phase you’ll be able to show this person that your have boundries, limits, self control, and self respect. you’ll also be able to think through what happened. You might be able to recognize the ways that you contributed to the demise of your relationship. But you can also confirm that you love yourself and that your feelings matter. You’ll be taking control back for yourself and sorting out whether your ex really deserves to be put on a pedastal while you blame yourself for everything. Getting dumped is never all your fault 100%. It takes two. The processing of what happened takes time to come to terms with. That is why stepping away from the person to gain some perspective can be the smartest and most conservative approach to handling the situation with class. Don’t even think of texting them while you are figuring out what happened and regaining your composure.

If you quit enmeshing yourself and trying to throw yourself at their feet you might see some of their flaws as well. You’ll have a chance to review some of the shortcomings of your partner. For example, were they emotionally unavailable? Were they communicating with you primarily by text message? If communications were largely electronic you may not have even been in a real relationship at all. Were they seeing other people while you dated or open to that? Did they refuse to introduce you to friends and family? If you go silent and back away from the relationship you can sift through all of these questions and start to look at whether this relationship was good for you. You may find out that they are doing you a big favor in cutting the relationship short. If its not healthy and mutally fulfilling you might not want to be in it either.

Step back, be silent and give yourself ample time to process through the entire situation. Then and only then, should you consider issuing a response to the break up. At least at that point, you’ll know what you are talking about.