A text is just a text, it is not a real conversation. That is why sometimes you either put too much weight into a text, or too little weight into a text. If someone says they hate you in a text message, you might downplay that message thinking that they don’t really mean it. Maybe you are just bothering them. If someone says they love you in a text yet you aren’t even in a relationship with them, then you would have to take that with a grain of salt as well.
Actions speak louder than words and text words are of even less significance than spoken words. But if a person is dumping you on text message, you should take it pretty seriously. Sometimes, it is hard to interpret and even harder to accept just what a breakup text means. And often, your brain puts your own interpretation onto a text message and so you twist it into whatever you really want it to be. You choose the interpretation so that it suits you. Big mistake.
A six month text discussion could probably take place in a ten minute phone call had that person really been interested in talking to you. Therefore, the fact that a breakup is happening on text or email is never a good sign. As I have said in previous posts, sometimes the person already broke up with you and the text message is just a reaffirmation. Other times, you get blind sided and dumped on text seemingly out of the blue.
Believing, or choosing not to believe what someone says in a text message can lead to unnecessary arguments and even more addictive texting. It can even lead to stalking if you choose not to believe that a person wants you to leave them alone. The line between a fight that you will eventually make up from or a permanent parting of the ways can be blurred, particularly if you’ve been on and off before. Is this the breakup or just another fight you ask yourself. Just to clear up confusion, here are a few guidelines for how to interpret text messages when it comes to text breakup.
I’m not ready to commit
This means, the person is not ready to commit. Pay attention to this message because if they say it they probably mean it. And trust me pushing them on this issue will only serve to push them away. Much as it hurts to suck this one up, the I’m not ready to commit message is one you should believe and take at face value. They are saying that they refuse to be exclusive with you. A person saying this will be open to meeting, dating and even getting involved with other people while they are seeing you. Understand that they’ll blow where the wind takes them and you will risk getting hurt if they find some one that suits them better and cast you aside.
I’m not looking for a girlfriend (or boyfriend)
When he says I’m not looking for a girlfriend or she says I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I would take this to mean that he does not want to be your boyfriend or she does not want to be your girlfriend. He or she may in fact be looking for a relationship. After all, pretty much everyone wants a relationship when the right person comes along who really knocks their socks off. But they don’t want to do it with you. So, you need to take this type of text seriously. It means that while they may be willing to become a boyfriend or girlfriend when the right person comes along, they are not going to be doing it with you. They may be willing to continue to see you however they aren’t going to stop seeing others and give you a consistent dose of their free time. It hurts, but they aren’t prepared to be in a relationship with you and they are letting you know it.
I don’t see myself getting married
If they say I don’t see myself getting married I take that to mean that they don’t see themselves getting married to you. I would take this one very seriously, particularly if you are in the get married/have children age bracket. Men have more leeway as to when they choose to commit and marry than women. If you stick around with a guy that does not see himself getting married to you and you want to get married, you might be in for wasting of valuable time at a precious point in your life when you might want to be starting a family.
Many a women have missed the boat on having children while dwelling on and clinging to a go nowhere relationship during the child-bearing years. Sometimes you have not met the one, but sometimes you have met the wrong one and don’t leave when you probably should. Women who wanted children and never had them often live to harbor regrets about go-nowhere relationship obsessions that they got swept up in for years during the child-bearing era of their lives.
Marriage is obviously important if that is you goal yet it is most important during childbearing years. When you are very young or once the child bearing era is over, there are many people who get into lasting relationships without marriage in mind. Teenagers aren’t likely to get married. Some people that have been married once or twice before are not willing to get married again yet they may still get involved with someone in a long term relationship. The point is that if you want to get married and they don’t, particularly if you are in the child-bearing years and want to start a family, rest assured it will create an impasse in the relationship.
Pay close attention to relationship blocking statements
Blocking statements like I’m not ready to commit, I’m not looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I don’t see myself getting married, and I’m not interested in you, are very telltale signs of where a relationship is going. Now if you push these issues at a very early state in a relationship you may be out of line. But even then, if a person is genuinely interested in you they will likely not give you set in stone relationship blocking messages and categorical statements like these.
Don’t try to rephrase a relationship blocking text message so that it fits what you want or what you want to fantasize about. Don’t live in a fantasy land. Take the person at their word. Assume people who are saying no to a relationship with you are rather simple creatures and when they makes these type of relationship blocking statements they generally do mean them.
If someone tells you to leave them alone and says hateful things to you, believe it. You are grasping at straws to rationalize it away as them just being mad or annoyed. Take it at face value. Trust me you’ll save yourself some heartache. Sometimes we stick around in a go-nowhere relationship ignoring strong messages hoping things will change. If you really believe this is the right person for you then sticking it out for a while can pay off. Just don’t overstay your welcome long enough for ranker hatred to set in over your relationship status or lack thereof.
People who don’t want a relationship with you usually don’t change their mind and you’ll save yourself some time and heartache if you take blocking messages seriously. How long are you going to cling to a barely there relationship that’s unworkable. You can’t justify horrible behavior. The person likely won’t see your way or want to try. If they say that they want you to leave them alone and you’ve tried a few go-rounds of hanging in there already to no avail, then you pretty much have to do that. Leave them alone. Assume people mean what they say.