He innocently decides she’s bothering him, so he blows cold and decides to ignore her for a few weeks, and go out on some other dates, until things cool off
How blowing hot and cold encourages stalker behaviors
Is your girlfriend, boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, ex husband or ex wife text harassing or stalking you? Are you wondering why you have this unfortunate problem? If you find yourself getting harassed or stalked, then it may be helpful to look at your own dating and texting behavior. Often times you might be inadvertently contributing to the problem. Sometimes stalkers are just inherently nutty people who set their sights on you. Sometime they really just come out of the blue and out of left field and it‘s absolutely not your fault. They might have serious emotional problems. In those cases you are the innocent vitim in the ordeal.
If you find yourself in this unfortunate position, you should know that in many text stalker situations that how you’ve been treating that person could be creating and enabling the stalker like behavior. Yes, if a seemingly normal person becomes your text stalker you might have played a major role in creating the behavior. You may have had something to do with it. Something can be as simple as a rejection by text breakup. If you have to reject someone and they return to you as a text stalker then there is not much you can do. The common wisdom is to ignore them. After all, you aren’t obligated to be with someone and if you had to dump them and they started text stalking you it really your fault.
I’m talking about something a little bit different but very common. I’m talking about the text stalker that becomes a text stalker because you actually helped them to become a text stalker in some sort of way. The first way you can help create a text stalker is by how you chose to break up with them. The more viciously you dump them by text the more likely they will harbor anger and start to text stalk you. So, you need to be careful in how you go about breaking up a relationship. We’ll talk all about negative effects of breakups by text message in plenty of blog posts on this site.
More subtle and insidious (than just your breakup delivery) is the way you were treating her (or him) as the relationship itself was happening over time. Were you blowing hot and cold texts on your girlfriend (or boyfriend)? Blowing hot and cold in a relationship means that you sometimes like the person and text them and then you sometimes don’t like the person and don’t text them. Some times you ignore their texts altogether. When you pretend to know them and pretend not to know them, or pretend to like them and then pretend not to like them, make yourself available to see them and then suddenly become unavailable to see them, it creates an emotional disturbance in them. It’s like cognitive dissonance and it can be very disturbing to be on the receiving end of such treatment from someone you care about deeply.
Blowing hot and cold especially via text message is a crazy making behavior. What I mean is that it is going to drive the other person batty and quite possibly encourage them into text stalking you. If they are obsessed with you, madly in love with you, or have any tendency towards obsessive persevering then they might start a text stalking pattern. Pretty soon they won’t be able to stop themselves. If it gets bad you may have to block them from contacting you, change your phone number, and sometimes even threaten legal action.
To ward off text stalking, don’t blow hot and cold
Hot and cold blowing is quasi abusive and can invoke text stalking behavior from the person you are doing it to. I’ll give you an example text stalker creating scenario of what you would call the occasional girlfriend. This is when you are having occasional relations with the person or date them sporadically for example when you are between girlfriends or something like that. If they really like you consistently for real and want more, and you view them as an occasional girlfriend, an imbalance between your two relationship goals exist. You are well aware of the imbalance but you continue to see her.
When you appear hot then the occasional girlfriend is encouraged by it thinking that she is getting somewhere with you. When you suddenly go cold on her, then she is hurt by the dismissive treatment. She could potentially become angry at your hot and cold roller coaster behavior. If you start to get receive hostile Why are you ignoring me all week I hate the way you are into me and then disappear on me texts then you know that text stalking potential in her is there. Your hot and cold treatment will only serve to make it worse.
To ward of stalking, don’t continue casual relationships
Let’s say you genuinely have a mild interest in a girl and you occasionally date her. To you, she’s just a dating option and you let her know you’re not up for a committed one on one relationship. You’ve been honest so if she goes with your program of occasional seeing you then her emotional state is her responsibility not yours. You’ve been honest so she dates you at her own risk. What you don’t realize is that your lackadaisical attitude goes at your own risk too.
Even if you tell a girl that you aren’t interested in anything serious, she might not believe it. The fact that you told her may fall on deaf ears because it is a truth she does not wish to hear. Instead she may simply ignore your warnings and brush them aside. She may continue to see you and continue more emotionally enmeshed as time goes on. How you treat her hot then cold over time is what affects her. The fact that you warned her you did not wish to become serious won’t stop her from becoming blinded by her unrequited interest in you.
If you want to avoid stalkers, you should try to avoid casual relationships. When you continue to see someone that you are only mildly interested in, and their interest level in you is substantially higher, you risk them becoming too obsessed. Therefore when dating someone you aren’t serious about you need to be very careful.
To ward off stalkers, don’t send mixed signals as it can make the other person upset
If a casual relationship works for you and you know fully well that the person you are seeing has abundantly more interest in you than you in her, there is an imbalance. Whenever there is an imbalance a text obsession problem can be born. If you continue to tumble this person through this imbalanced state by appearing on her cell phone horizon and being nice then disappearing off her cell phone horizon completely for weeks on end you are going to make her obsess over you. You’re sending radically mixed signals to her and even though you know its just a casual relationship she might be getting more tortured than you realize. The on and off and up and down attention will make her upset.
Eventually, this person might become angry and start feeling used. Even though you made your intentions perfectly clear, she’s nonetheless getting hurt and upset. So she starts to argue with you about it and then you tell her well if you can’t handle it then just don’t see me. Yet weeks later on a boring night you text message her or she text messages you and you two wind up getting together. It’s like setting something on fire what you are doing. Hot cold treatment may seem natural to you since it fits into your life style and schedule but its not going to seem natural to her. You see her start to get upset but you do nothing or maybe even go cold when those complaining texts of hers hit your cell air waves.
Little do you know that this person is becoming more and more obsessed with you while simultaneously becoming more emotionally hurt with feelings of abandonment when you go cold. When you finally leave because its run its course you might well find yourself getting harassing texts and stalking behavior from her. Upset people are the ones who are more likely to become stalkers.
Don’t encourage stalking behaviors
Its true that stalking is technically the stalkers behavior and their fault if you disclosed your intentions with them and were honest. However disclosing intentions doesn’t make it ok or simple to use someone and toy with their emotional state. If you blow hot and cold, break up and makeup, and tossle a persons emotions around, you can inadvertently be creating your very own text stalking monster. She (or he) will turn into the text stalker when you go cold and seem normal when you go hot. Finally, she (or he) will be bugging you too much via text and you decide to breakup with them is when you can find yourself with a full blown text stalker who just won‘t leave you alone.
Don’t break up and make up over and over
Blowing hot and cold affection on a person can fan the flames of their emotional weaknesses. You might be inadvertently using them and encouraging their utmost worst insecurities. Text stalking behavior is often linked to the person not believing it is over. Therefore it behooves you not to continually break up and makeup with someone. The breakup, makeup patterns makes it very hard for them to discern whether you are really trying to break up, or just mad and will ultimately makeup. If the person has made up with you many times before, it encourages them to stalk. They don‘t believe they need to leave you alone because in the past when they bothered you they were able to successfully get you back.
If you are ding donging a girlfriend (or boyfriend) around with hot and cold you might want to think about letting the relationship go instead and sticking to being gone for good. Dipping your toe back into the relationship every now and then will drive the person bananas. And if they start to text stalk you as a result of your hot and cold treatment, then your own ambivalence helped create your very own stalker.
It’s almost impossible for a person to handle hot and cold treatment in a healthy way so try not to deliver that treatment on a person. If you do, you may get a psyco texting ex of your own making on your hands. Good luck dealing with them. Think twice before stringing someone along in a relationship because it may come back to haunt you when you finally try to end it.