Boundaries and accountability

Have you been dumped by text, ignored by text, relegated to text, or treated poorly in a relationship that has become just texts?  If your relationship exists primarily on text this can be a  clear cut sign that eventually this relationship will head south too, on text no less. 

Being dumped by text message can sometimes be a great wake-up call that you need to learn how to set personal boundaries and expect accountability in your relationships.

There is nothing worse than losing trust and having your heart smashed by being dumped on text or rudely discarded by someone you love.  If you are even contemplating making up with him (or her) after a text breakup you must read up on establishing boundaries and accountability in your relationships.  If you had strong boundaries and held people accountable for their actions this text dump may never have happened.

One of the biggest things about lousy relationships is that you have come to this low point because you lowered your boundaries far more than you ever should have.  In your effort to keep his or her crumbs of attention, you may have accepted poor treatment.  For example, perhaps you have become a fallback girl that he only texts when his other relationships are having issues.  In order to even consider making up with him (or her) or trying to get back together, you must become literally a new person.  One with solid personal boundaries who does hold a person fully accountable for their actions.  This is the only way to fix your old relationship or go into a healthy new relationship.

Should you make up with someone who dumped you by text message?

If you were involved in a mostly texts casual or sexual relationship it might be on and off, hit or miss, or riddled in text wars, text makeups, and late night fervent rendezvous.  The relationship may be mostly in your head too.  Dealing with a narcissistic personality and getting dumped by text can be a soul destroying experience.  We laugh and minimize the impact, especially if you makeup with the person at some point after or continue to hookup, but such a breakup should be taken very seriously.  It’s rude, mean, demoralizing and demonstrates and astounding lack of consideration for your feelings to be dumped by text message.

If you were dumped by text and are even considering making up with the narcissist who dumped you in this manner, I suggest you read up on boundaries because you are going to need help establishing them with such a person.  Having boundaries in relationships works way better when you have them at the outset.  Never the less, when it comes to boundaries it is never to late to set some and stick by them going forward.

The most powerful tool in your makeup arsenal is personal boundaries

This person who discarded you may have appeared to be the love of your life at some point in time.  Then when your relationship dwindled onto the text airwaves, it caused you unbearable pain.  The most important thing ever is that you not accept poor treatment after such a highly traumatic experience.

You need to establish boundaries.  This is your power in the relationship.  Set your boundaries and find out if this person is willing or capable of taking responsibility for his actions.  Do not risk another experience that can corrupt your emotional and mental well-being.  One soul destroying experience is enough.  Watch out because if you are dealing with a narcissist this person can maliciously set you up again to forgive them, trust them, and love them again, only to put you through hell by disappointing you all over again.

If your ex who dumped you had narcissistic traits, then they can be truly toxic to your well being.  A narcissist is not going to give you a healthy, loving, and supportive relationship.  It is going to be more about you hanging on, trying to please them, and putting up with poor treatment.  You can not fix a person to have integrity.  Either they have it, or they don’t.  Somebody that drops you on a dime by text or otherwise, probably lacks integrity.  If it’s all about their ego, any attempt to please them on their terms will fail in the long run because your needs won’t get met.  You will only be able to sacrifice your needs for so long before you realize you are getting taking advantage of and start to resent it.

The biggest thing about boundaries is that you protect yourself and start living your truth.  The focus shifts away from pleasing them and back to what you want and need.  Do they text you rather than call you when they want to see you?  Don’t see them under those booty-text conditions then.  Set a boundary and stick to it.  No dates without a phone call.  Do they want a last minute day-of date?  Don’t accept the date if it’s done at last minute when they have nothing better planned.  Do they send you late night texts that are all about sex?  Press delete on them and refuse to respond to anything coming in the wee hours.  Stop accepting poor treatment.

Once you start to live your truth and stick to the boundaries of how you really want to be treated, you will get your Moho back I promise.  Sadly you may lose your guy (or gal) in the process.  This is because they are so used to being able to walk all over you, pick you up, and discard you, that they won’t buy into your sudden morals.  They will probably cue on your changes as an opportunity to have a standoff.  They won’t give in to your new demands.  They will go MIA until you unless you officially cave in and take them back on their terms.  Don’t fall for it!  Taking somebody back on their terms will lead you to the same text breakup treatment you got.

When making up is a waste of your time

Once you establish strong personal boundaries you may discover that making up is a waste of your time.  If this person is still lying to you, cheating on you, emotionally abusing you, or displaying a distinct lack of empathy, the odds of any reform are slim.  Once you set your boundaries you will find that they disappear and go off in search of another willing victim.

If on the other hand, your ex is apple to exhibit a full and ongoing ownership and accountability for how they have treated you, then maybe there is hope.  If they accept your boundaries and are willing to become accountable then perhaps you can make up.  Do not however makeup unless they have demonstrated real remorse for their treatment of you and have done their best to repair the damage.  This has to be more than an apology.  It has to be demonstrated by better treatment for a long period of time.

Don’t take back an ex who displays entitlement, jealousy, revenge or rage concerning your relationship.  They should be willing to communicate openly with you and disclosing their life.  This is especially true if they cheated or let you down.  Their actions should match their words on a consistent basis.  Believe it or not if you pull back and set strong personal boundaries you will soon see if this person is actually capable or willing to be a real part of your life.  You only get treated as poorly as you yourself allow.

Boundaries and accountability


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