A girl wrote in to the site for relationship advice. She was asking if she could do anything about the fact that her ex boyfriend got back with his ex girlfriend. Here’s a few tips if you find yourself in a similar situation.
Your boyfriend got back with his ex girlfriend
When your boyfriend gets back with his ex its easy to blame the ex. This is a mistake to assign the blame to her rather than to him. Don’t make excuses for him. He didn’t get back with her because she was meddling, stealing him, or intending to hurt you. He didn’t get back with her because she manipulated him, cajoled, begged, demanded or tricked into it. Really, he got back with her because he wanted to. No matter how much you want to be in denial and blame her, it’s really him and his own decision.
Seeing as your boyfriend does have a history with his ex, you can assume that its going to be an uphill battle to compete with that. You can’t change the fact that they have a history together and if he’s leaving you to go back to her even temporarily, you’ve got to assume he has deeper feelings for her. He’s not stupid and wouldn’t risk his relationship with you unless he was putting her first.
Best thing to do is move on if your boyfriend goes back to an ex girlfriend
If your boyfriend leaves you and goes back to an ex with whom he has a history, the best thing to do is move on. He really wouldn’t hurt you like this if he wanted to be in your future. It’s one of the most painful kinds of breakups. Its a pretty serious rejection as he’s saying now that I’ve gotten to know you, I’d rather be with her than with you. No girl wants to be the experiment that shows him he likes his ex better and shes worth going back to. On top of a very painful rejection, this is the kind of break up you really should move on from. If you stay it’s going to be really dangerous for your psyche.
If you stay and fight for a guy who has already demonstrated that he will go back to his ex then all you will be doing is letting him have his cake and eat it too. He might become a yoyo player bouncing back between the two of you if you allow it. This is the worst situation for your self esteem that you could ever imagine. The last thing you want to do is be turned into a love triangle and fighting with a yoyo guy who is bouncing back and forth between you and his ex. He’ll be waffling and even enjoying the ego stroke of two women being into him, while you’ll be tortured. You don’t want to end up on the Jerry Springer show do you?
What if your ex boyfriend yo yos back to you, should you take him back?
If your boyfriend leaves to go back to his ex-girlfriend you should not take him back if he comes back. Unless he comes back with guns blazing offering you full blown relationship status or an engagement ring or marriage proposal, it’s useless. The last thing you’d want to be is the doormat girl who takes him back as he yo-yos back and forth between you and his ex girlfriend who he still harbors feelings for.
You can’t control what your boyfriend does
In the end you should realize that you can’t control what your boyfriend does. You can influence things by taking good care of your relationship with him while its happening. But if he chooses to go back to an ex he still has feelings for there is nothing you can do about it. You really, really can’t do anything about it. So the best thing to do is move on. There is a reason he went back to his ex girlfriend and if you stay and let him have his cake and eat it to then you are setting yourself up for being in a miserable love triangle. Better to opt out and move on to someone who likes you and is not conflicted or still in love with a former flame.
He went back to his ex-girlfriend. Should you text him and keep in touch?
If he goes back to his ex girlfriend it will probably be best to let communications with him dwindle. You’re likely to stay mentally engaged if you continue to obsess, text, stalk his face-book, snoop and extract gossip from friends. If you’re still hoping he’ll come back it will make it totally impossible to move on with your life.
Try not to keep in touch. Start by practicing the 48 no texting rule. Keep yourself really busy until you can go at least 48 hours without contacting him. Then slowly build up your willpower until you can go long periods of time without communicating. This is sort of like quiting a drug, call it oxytocin. The first 48 hours after you send a text to him is the hardest. But if you work at distracting yourself then getting up to 48 hours without any contact is possible. Once you do, it becomes easier to discontinue contact from there.
The critical thing to remember is that he is likely to be more okay with keeping in touch than you are. He’s already back in his ex girlfriends arms so he has an emotional crutch. He’s not going to be feeling the emotional devastration that you are. He’s rebounded right back into comfort. You’re the one that is likely to feel discomfort and pain. Just because he is able and willing to continue to be friendly or communicate with you doesn’t mean its good for you. Take care of your own emotional well being and don’t worry so much about whether he is willing to continue texting or not.
You don’t have to go no contact unless you feel it would help. Don’t delete friendships on face book and social sites on a whim. Let things sit for several months and when you are calm and unemotional you can decide whether you really need or want to cut friendships with him on the social networks or cut communications forever. Some women cut ties so they aren’t tempted to snoop and spy. If you feel like cutting contact would help then do it. Eventually, you’ll get back on your feet and meet someone else so don’t assume you will be hurting forever. People do get over these things. In every breakup, someone has to get over it and eventually they do!