Casual Relationships

If you are in a casual relationship one of the hallmark behaviors you will encounter is that he texts you back and is responsive but, he won’t for the life of him pick up the phone himself and place phone calls in to you. It’s all in his actions and his actions demonstrate that he won’t go out of his way for you. He won’t lift a finger. All you need to do is sit back, look, watch and see. His actions (not his words) will reveal his intentions.

Men usually are result oriented. When they first start to date you it was because they felt an initial attraction, so they are trying to see if they are interested and ask you out. If they find you attractive, then they are going to want to have sex with you. If they decide they like you after that, they will follow up and ask you out again.

Usually men are pretty honest and straight forward about their intentions and they say it like it is. Except, when it comes to casual relationships. Men know that women don’t want a casual relationship. So, in order to stay result oriented and keep the relationship casual if he decides you aren‘t the one but he still wants to enjoy some benefits, he can’t be very honest. If you knew his true intentions you likely wouldn’t go for that type of relationship. In this situation, to get what he wants a man will have to lie but instead of lying they will usually fib, or white lie, or push the responsibility of continuing the relationship onto you.

I’m busy

This is the classic white lie and it does not mean that he is busy doing what he claims. If you date him and he disappears for three weeks he is not busy doing what he’d like you to think he is busy doing. He might be busy doing that but trust me he is also busy meeting other women. The true translation of his I’m busy, it that he is not willing to make the effort to see you. Every thing is left in your court, including protection of your own emotions. He won’t lead you on and in fact will go out of his way not to lead you on. If you call or text him to see him, he’ll do it. But since you are the one going for it he feels totally exonerated from taking any responsibility for your feelings. It’s your problem. If you pursue him and he is available and he gets together with you then it is what it is. He’s not going to be calling you the next day or even the next week, and maybe not even at all. But if you call him back and he’s picking his toe nails, he might see you. He feels in the clear, because he is not leading you on. You are the one pursuing him, at your own risk. He will never become un-busy.

He will show up at 2:00am even if he was available to show up hours earlier. Why? So you know not to expect anything more than a casual encounter. He’ll actually go out of his way to avoid showing up early or phoning you up or hanging out even if he has the time to do it because he needs you to understand that you aren’t in a relationship with him and he needs to keep your expectations to zero. You could have a free ticket to your high school reunion party at the Bel Air Hotel and he would never in a million years go because that, would mean something. He will only do one thing with you. Any time you suggest or ask him to do anything else, like get some air outside, what will he be? Busy.

Let’s just see where this relationship goes

Let’s just see where this relationship goes is another classic put off and attempt on his part to dodge any questions about the relationship he has with you. It means nothing whatsoever. It’s like saying, let’s live life one day at a time. It’s pure bull incarnate. What it means is, that this relationship that he has with you today is going to stay exactly as it is today. It will never progress. When he says lets see where this relationship goes, but at the same time is not willing to make much of an effort to see you, be committed to you, or even treat you well, it speaks for itself. Your relationship is going nowhere, its casual, and he will never lift a finger to take it any further. It’s like a plane that sits on the runway indefinitely needing gas. But it never gets gas. Never. You can taxi around the relationship runway all you want but the relationship will never take off the ground.

I don’t like to talk on the phone

A man who tells you that he does not like to talk on the phone is a liar plain and simple. A man who relegates you to mostly text message communications is 100% definitely not looking for a relationship with you. If you find yourself on text from the get go, or downgraded to text communications, your relationship is casual. It is just so incredibly simple it is binary. If he likes you, he will pick up the phone and call you. If he only wants or views you as a casual hookup, he will never and I mean never pick up that phone. He will only text you for sex. He will never ask about you, unless he sees you leaving him then he might pick up the pace and give you a crumb but he will always sink back to steering the topics towards sex and getting together for sex at the last minute.

In a casual relationship him calling you will be a rarity. It only happens if it is 2:00 in the morning, if he senses you are about to move on with your life and his free convenient backup plan physical encounters with you are about to dry up, or if he is right outside your door. You’ll find this guy going literally out of his way to keep your relationship text based. He’ll text you while driving if he has to even though calling is safer. Why? Because he doesn’t want you to get any ideas or expectations. He wants to keep things boxed in where they are at which is casual. If he texts you instead of calls you and does not go out on dates with you, your relationship is casual.

If you push him for more, you won’t have a relationship at all, which by the way you already don’t. Casual relationships only end one way which is that you demand more and then predictably he opts out of giving you more. You’ll never see him again once you get fed up, which is how casual relationships finally come to an end.

Cut through all the excuses and just look at his actions

The best way to see where a relationship is heading is to let him reveal where the relationship is headed. Then, judge it. His words don’t really matter because what really matters are his actions. I’ll give you an example. You’re in bed together and he tells you how much he likes you. His words don’t matter because he is just enjoying a moment in time with you. His actions are what he does the next day, next few days, and next few weeks. All the talking in the world doesn’t matter a bit. What matters are his actions over those next few weeks. If he follows up and gets in touch with you and makes an effort to see you again, your relationship might be going somewhere. If there is no action on his part to take it further, your relationship is going nowhere. Even if you try to take it somewhere by picking up slack and getting in touch with him, it is still going literally nowhere. If fact, if you pick up slack for him it will definitely be going nowhere because it deletes his ability to pursue you anymore.

Let him reveal himself. Then judge if it is casual

The best way to see where a relationship is heading and to determine whether you are stuck in a casual go nowhere relationship, is to stop doing the work and watch what he does. Then judge it. Does he stick around? Does he get in touch with you? Does he take you out even if its just for a slice of pizza? Does he follow up and ask you out again? Does he hang out with you other than at home in a bedroom? Does he make plans? Does he keep plans? Does he introduce you to someone (other than a threesome candidate)? Does he stay plopped at your house watching tv with you or does he bolt out of your house after you hook up? Does he go out with you on a weekend night? Does he leave his cell phone sitting around when he is with you? Does he invite you over? Does he run errands with you? If a light bulb was out in your bathroom would he offer to change it? Just watch what he does, to determine if you are in a casual relationship or not. If he doesn’t strike you as a guy that is sticking around, then forget about him. Find a guy who does want to stick around.

Go by his actions, not by his words, promises or excuses. If he doesn’t make that effort to keep in touch, see you, be with you, follow up after dates, and treat you well, then you have all of your evidence gathered. Remember too that each guy is totally innocent when you meet him. He is not connected in any way shape or form to the last guy you went out with. So don’t pre-judge him. Give him a chance and give him some time to reveal himself.

All you have to do is wait, watch, and judge him by his actions. Don’t inject yourself as the person carrying the weight of the relationship because if you do you are going to get a muddied up view of where it is going and whether it is casual or not. If you are the one doing all of the work, it is definitely going to wind up being casual anyways so don’t do it. Let him show you what his intentions are all by himself without lending him a helping hand.

Men use women for casual relationships

Men absolutely will use a woman for a casual relationship. They might enjoy sex with you but not see a future with you. Trust me, they can enjoy sex with you until the cows come home. But your status will never, ever change with him. This is the guy that will never ever call you back but rarely. He waits for you to call him, then he acts nice. It’s his way of using you while at the same time conveniently blaming you for allowing yourself to be used because he puts you in the position of wanting it. It’s your fault and he is free from responsibility because he didn’t lead you on. You called him or texted him. If you accept a casual relationship, then to a man, you accept full responsibility for that casual relationship. He is off the hook. He enjoys the sex and when you get fed up and stop making an effort he fades happily into the dating sunset.

Give him the benefit of the doubt so you aren’t always alone

Don’t judge each man because each man is different. If you had one treat you bad and map that into a new one you are going to become too jaded. Think the opposite, like, no guy can be as big a jerk as this one was. Give the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s 100% perfect until he demonstrates, with his actions, whether he is interested in you for a real relationship or a casual one. You have to at least give him a chance so you can’t really kick him out at the first wrong doing otherwise you will end up totally alone. He is only human and can’t be expected to be perfect any more than you can be. If he is a guy with options he is not going to be jumping so fast into commitment. Allow some flexibility but rest assured his actions towards you over a time will tell you exactly, and I mean exactly, where you stand with him.

If a man likes you he’ll call you, he’ll follow up with you, he’ll ask you out, he’ll hang out, he will act helpful, and he will be interested in your life. If you want a real relationship you should walk away from a guy that slots you into a casual one with your head held high. You didn’t get what you wanted, but you also aren’t going to stick around very long if he demonstrates clearly he is not going to be giving you what you do want, which is a boyfriend who acts like one. The sooner you bail out the better and try not to care that he got his way with you.


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