Caught his cheating text messages? Inside the mind of a cheater

Have you ever been involved with a cheater? Some women are lucky enough to never encounter a cheating boyfriend. Others, are not so lucky.

The main way that cheaters are caught these days are by text message snooping. Just a few moments away from his phone is all it takes for a nosy girlfriend to find the ammunition she is looking for.  Once she does, a confrontation is inevitable.

Should you snoop his text messages to catch the cheater?

Snooping text messages is generally an invasion of privacy and the person you are snooping on may not take it the right way. Sometimes it does help to confirm that your man is in fact cheating.  Cheaters tend to deflect blame and call you nosy and even crazy.  You want that relief to know that you aren’t crazy and you aren’t imagining things. But the price of that relief may mean your relationship.

Ask yourself if it is necessary to confirm your suspicions or if you can simply rely on your gut instinct and talk to him without having to turn yourself into a snoop. If you corner him, he may try to deflect blame and turn it all into how you are a snoop rather than the fact that he is cheating on you. If you think he is cheating, catch him by snooping his text messages or cell phone email, then confront him, you might be well on the road to a major argument or a permanent breakup. So, only snoop if you are fully prepared to cope with a breakup.  The bottom line is that if you snoop, there will be fallout.

Why did he wreck your promising relationship by being a cheater?

Women can’t understand why men who have it all risk it all by being cheaters. It is like Tiger Woods and his philandering. In the case of a celebrity, cheating opportunity presents itself over and over. The same characteristic that made this person a celebrity are the same qualities that make women want to be with him. The qualities, are charisma, good looks, exciting lifestyle, and wealth.

A high profile man will walk into a room and the majority of women in the room will sleep with him! If he is a politician, athlete or actor he has a charismatic persona that people crave to be around. Because opportunity is constantly at his beck and call, he actually has to make a continued effort not to cheat. Only his wife at home knows the dirty little details of the real him. To all others, he is the cat’s meow. Famous people might cheat because they think they can get away with it, because they feel entitled, and because the people in their lives are more expendable as there is always a willing replacement.

So what if your boyfriend is a normal Joe and still cheating. Why him? Well in a way, cheating gives a normal guy a taste of that celebrity power. Their wife might be dealing with the real him and his little foibles and issues at home. Meanwhile, an outsider like a mistress see more a fantasy version of him sans his real everyday life. In a way, he is adopting that celebrity fantasy persona with the Mistress. It makes him feel important, sought after, desired, and a little famous.  She isen’t talking about the food he left sitting out. She’s talking about fantasy and how to please him.

Cheaters will generally cheat because they lack some adoration in their present relationship. They may be looking to opt out or regretting making an exclusive commitment in the first place.  Sometimes opportunity that they can’t pass up drops into their lap. They have an opportunity to have a torrid affair so they think its cache and get into the secrecy, fantasy and eroticism of it all. They are tired of the real world and want to play in a fantasy world.

How to deal with the cheater

Over half of marriages and relationships in which cheating occur are going to end. The affair usually comes out and the damage is done. So if your man took a serious gamble to cheat on you, he either had absolute confidence you would never find out or he didn’t have enough vested in his relationship with you to stop himself from the temptation.

Snooping on the cheater will likely cause arguments and even a breakup. Don’t snoop unless you are fully prepared for the relationship to end after the confrontation. If you think he is cheating you may not need to find out all the facts to verify your sanity. Forget that. Let him know point blank that you have suspicions and ask him if he is willing to put more effort into your relationship.

If he cares, he may turn back into the relationship and you won’t have to confront or bust him in whatever he is doing. Rather than make accusations you can assess how receptive he is to working on things with you and let that dictate whether you are willing to stay in the relationship with him. Cheaters often get an ego boost with the women they cheat with. That may not translate into them staying with that woman. If a man falls in love with a woman he is more likely to leave his marriage for her than continue to cheat under the radar anyways.

Improve your relationship

Cheating can come out of relationship that has gotten stale or reached a boring complacency. You can try working on your relationship with him and seeing if you can rekindle the chemistry and passion you once had. If you are successful you might also succeed in keeping desperate mistresses at bay.

Think twice before you snoop because snooping leads to confrontation which can lead to a breakup. Try working on your relationship first. Only use snooping as a last resort since it has a high likelihood of ending your relationship or damaging it.

It is a known fact that the cheater can get over his escapade and stay in the relationship. But the person cheated on holds resentment towards the cheater and that permanently damages their ability to be as loving as they once were. They have too much resentment and anger from the betrayal. If you caught a cheater don’t stick around with him unless you are really able to forgive him. If you suspect he cheated and/or he ends the affair will you be haranguing and harping on him forever? If so, you may need to move on from the cheater.


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