Are you a clingy girlfriend? If you are then you should know that you are in dangerous risk of losing your man over it. The must frustrating part of being a clingy girlfriend is that at the root of it your boyfriend is largely to blame. Clingy behavior doesn’t come out of left field.
Usually clingy behavior comes out of something the man is doing to create insecurity in his girlfriend. You need to be aware of this and learn how to handle both him and your clingy response. If you don’t handle things right your clinging will do you in. Your relationship will fail and his shortcomings causing the insecurities you feel will fall by the wayside. It will all be blamed on your clinging. Don’t want to be dumped for being to needy? Keep reading for these dating tips on how to stop being so clingy.
Clingy and needy behavior is a plea for attention and love
It should be reassuring for you to know that clingy girlfriends are not born out of the blue. Usually they are made that way by the man they are dealing with. Clingy lovers are always people who simply do not feel appreciated in the relationship. They do not feel loved enough. He may not be providing enough love. If a woman feels a mans love waning, she will become insecure about the relationship. The insecurity eventually rears its head in the form of clingy behavior. The number one clinging behavior is text mesaging or attempting to contact him too much. Texting him all the time is an obvious plea for more attention and love.
Men often blame breakups on the fact that their girlfriend was too clingy or needy. It’s a known fact that men want women with exciting and fulfulling lives, not women that want to latch onto their life. They want to join a life with their girlfriend not provide a life to their girlfriend. Men like women who have their own busy lives and who can do fine whether they are there or not. They want to be drawn into the life of a woman not sucked dry. When you act clingy and text too much you create an unwanted power shift in the relationship where you as the woman become the pursuer. Men are instinctively turned off by this.
You may be clingy or needy because he has one foot out the door
When a girlfriend gets clingy she may not be a bad girlfriend at all. She may just feel like her boyfriend is withdrawing or pulling away. She may have a gut instinct that something is up with her man and so she acts clingy as a response to try to get closer and close the emotional gap. Never try to close an emotional gap forcefully with your man. A gap can be a good thing as a man can fall in love in the absense of a woman not just in the presence of a woman.
Let’s say a man is scanning his options with other women because he has doubts about his current girlfriend. We all know men like to have a new option before they extinguish an old option. The girlfriend who is about to be put on the outs might sense this and become more and more clingy to try and re-secure the relationship. When and if he does find a better opportunity he leaves her and blames her neediness on the demise of their relationship. In fact, he was looking to leave and her clinging was a response to his one foot being already out the door.
A clingy girlfriend is not getting enough love or merely wants more love and reassurance from her man. The problem is that once you start acting clingy you appear more and more panicky and pathetic in your boyfriends eyes. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. He begins to have doubts and starts backing off. The girl senses it and becomes paranoid that he is withdrawing so she becomes needy and clingy. She may even try to pick up the slack in the relationship and fill in the withdrawal vacuum. Picking up the slack might come in the form of her texting more and more, calling, trying to pin him down on plans, and basically backing him into a corner.
How to avoid being too clingy
In order to avoid being too clingy you need to have more confidence in yourself. If you feel your man backing away don’t rush to fill in the emotional gap. Maintain your composure. Yes there is always a prettier girl around the corner. But you need to believe in yourself and respect yourself regardless. If you are always worried about him leaving for someone more spectacular than you are, your low self esteem will make you act weird and paranoid. Don’t give him more reasons and justifications to move on from you.
When you are madly in love with someone you need to be independent. This is the hardest task of all. If you concentrate and really try to, you can rip your mind off of him and take care of some other business in your life. If you have a full social life that’s great then occupy yourself with that. If you’re more of a lone wolf then busy yourself with projects or practical things to be taken care of. The main point is to try to be independent and make him want your attention some of the time. If it’s always you wanting his attention then its lopsided.
If you notice yourself closing him on him too much you need to back off. Don’t always be predictably there for him like a doormat. Add a little mystery so there is some excitement in your story with him. If you’re smothering him then you’ll need to go off and busy yourself with other things. Leaving him to want more works better than smothering him.
While you do need to be your true self around him, don’t be afraid to work the seductive black widow in you. A little bit of Angelina Jolie doesn’t hurt. Be mysterious and awe him with how hot you can look. Go over the top and really dress like a knockout for him from makeup, hair, heels to sexy clothes. Make him open his eyes and take notice. Trust me he’ll realize you’re putting an effort in for him and he will appreciate you for it. Men always like to be spoiled. Going out of your way for him is a more effective strategy than nagging.
Don’t give him reasons to leave you
If your boyfriend is treating you poorly its best not to get in a mud-fight with him. If he’s been caught seeing other people or doing general mischief you’d have a right to be upset. Yet, don’t get into a duke it out name calling knock down fight. A strong woman who keeps her cool at all times reigns supreme. Respect yourself over him. Don’t let his behavior or poor treatment back slide you into the mud.
If you find yourself begging, crying, having a tantrum, clingy, cat-fighting, name-calling, yelling or doing other unladylike behavior try going silent instead. Silence is preferable over outright bad behavior. Men hate it when a woman acts like a child-like in a tantrum. Even if he’s in the wrong causing it (by cheating acting our or whatever he’s up to) you’ll wind up getting dumped for exhibiting poor behavior.
Think of it this way, if you’re able to control your behavior and keep it ladylike and on the up and up, then any issues you have won’t be able to degenerate into his criticising how you act. Always remember that if you act clingy or exhibit poor behavior you are giving your boyfriend plenty of ammunition to drop you over it. While he may be the one exhibiting the behavior that is creating that insecure clinging in you, it won’t matter in the end. You’ll get dropped by virtue of how you respond and the real issue will never get addressed.
Sending too many text messages means you’re being too clingy
If you text him too much it’s a clear red flag that you are becoming clingy. Remember the saying two wrongs don’t make a right. Even if your boyfriend is acting out and creating your level of neediness, it’s not OK to respond poorly. You’ll wind up getting dumped for clingy needy behavior. You want the guy right? Keep your cool if your man is withdrawing. Busy yourself with other activities. Falling silent is preferable to fighting nastily or sending numerous crazy psycho text messages.
Clingy girlfriend behavior is a turn-off
If you can control your neediness and clinging you’d be surprised. He might feel safe enough to stick around on his own volition without you having to beg or force a thing. If he leaves and you haven’t acted poorly then he probably would have left anyways. Next time you shoot off 25 texts to him look at what you’re doing. You’re being clingy and needy so don’t do it! Recognize that he may be creating your insecurity but that needy and clingy behavior may only make the problem far worse.