Commitment Phobes

Are you asking yourself the ago old question of Why won’t he commit?  Are you typing Why won’t he commit into the google search?  Is that how you arrived here because you searched on getting a guy to commit?  If you are wondering how to get him to commit you may be with the wrong guy altogether.

Me are genetically programmed to have a good fear of commitment.  They have this fear that if they get too attached to a woman, that they will be missing out.  In their mind they may imagine that there is a single guy out there having more fun than they are. 

In fact, married guys tend to have a fantasy of single life.  They sit home eating left-overs out of a container with a wife nagging them to take the trash out, while fantasizing about meeting a hot chick at the bar after golf.

It’s typical for a guy to postpone commitment, especially if he is not sure about the woman he is dating.  For a man, unless the woman really knocks his socks off and screams to his brain she is the one, he will be very reluctant to commit.  You might date a guy and think that things are going wonderfully, only to find out he avoids you for the rest of your life.  You wonder, what happened?  We had so much fun and were compatible.  Yet the guy registers that you aren’t the one at some point along the dating process and decides to take his chances elsewhere.

Guys view dating as quicksand

A guy will often view the dating sequence like quicksand.  If at some point he decides you aren’t the one, he will start to back peddle.  The reason is that he knows that if he acts consistent, continues to take you out, do favors, and sticks to his word, that you’ll be expecting things to move to boyfriend status, to exclusivity, to meeting the family and later on down the road, to marriage.  So to him, continued dating is a commitment quicksand.  If he doesn’t want things to progress he’s going to want to get himself out of the sinking sand.  The more he sinks the harder to get himself out.  He does this extraction by getting busy, manufacturing excuses, avoidance, seeing other people, and turning into a flake.

Texting verses calling and what it says about commitment

A man who only texts you and doesn’t call you is the quintessential commitment-phobe. Guys that really dig a chick want to talk to her on the phone. They want to text her between seeing her and talking on the phone. When they just want to text, but don’t call or vie to see her regularly, they aren’t going to commit. Keeping a woman on a text string is a surefire sign of disinterest. If he disappears for days, weeks or months, he has no love for you. If he texts you whats up but never calls or answers the phone, its a sign that he does not love you.

A text only relationship indicates an interest level so low that you should reconsider dating this person altogether.  As a rule of thumb, if he doesn’t want the relationship to progress but has a desire to string you along as a backup plan, all you are going to get is an occasional text from him.

I bring this up because guys who don’t respond to texts, never text you, or only text but don’t call you, are guys that are not in love with you. Therefore text questions are always traced back to guys that just aren’t in love with you. A text problem with a guy and a guy that doesn’t love you, are one and the same thing. Why doesn’t he text you back? Because he is not in love with you, plain and simple. If you see a bad text pattern emerging, you’re dealing with a guy who is not in love with you and is therefore acting like a commitment-phobe.  He shows you his lack of commitmet with his lack of texts.

Men will hang out with the right woman

Have you ever found yourself making up excuses for your guy.  Maybe he doesn’t want to hang out, shop, run errands, or see movies.  Maybe he hates texting.  You convince yourself that he hates those things so you settle for a relationship that doesn’t include those basics hoping to get more later.  Bad move.  Guys aren’t in love with shopping and texting, but if they are in love with the girl, they will shop and text too.  They don’t hate shopping and texting as much as you think they do.

The truth is, that if they don’t love you, they are going to be hard-pressed to commit to you.  If they won’t shop, do a movie, or run an errand its a big sign that interest level is not where it should be.  This is when women try to bend over backwards in overtime twisting themselves into someone their guy will like more.  Wrong move.  It’s actually a time to question his intentions and to back off from seeing him.  If they can’t run an errand with you, or return a text, do you really want to give your body and your love to them?  Think about it.

If he won’t commit, he doesn’t love you

If a guy won’t even commit to being exclusive with you then you probably should not be getting physical with him.  It makes no sense.  Men have a scarcity approach and if you are available to him without his having to work for it, he will value you less.  If on the other hand you make yourself scarce and he has a fear that you will wander off and meet someone else, he will have to think more about how much he likes you and whether he is willing to risk losing you. 

If your man doesn’t want to be exclusive, doesn’t want to get off a dating site, won’t introduce you to family and friends and down the road doesn’t want to get married, take that seriously.  He is not your man.  Assume that he will not change his mind.  If he says stuff like I’m not ready to settle down, or I am not ready yet, you should take such comments very seriously.  He might care about you, but he doesn’t want to claim you as all his.

Don’t take commitment phobia personally.  Sometimes its the timing, its your two personalities not matching up well enough, or its that he thinks there is something better out there for him.  It doesn’t mean you suck as a person.  It just means he is unwilling to commit.  If you came here asking the question why won’t he commit, you should probably be looking for a new guy altogether.  You have a better chance of getting him to commit by taking a hike than you have by sticking around to be strung along.

If he won’t commit now, assume he won’t later

Men commit.  When a man meets a woman who he thinks is right for him, he will suddenly want to get off the dating sites, to have you hanging out with him all the time, and having a girlfriend will magically become a good idea in his mind.  For the right girl, it’s like a carnival bell that goes off in his head.  A bell that lets him go sit in a movie with her, text her back, and god forbid shop with her. 

If you aren’t that girl then staying with him generally leads to very bad places.  You want a guy that you have great chemistry with, but one that also thinks being your boyfriend is a good idea.  Men commit to women they are in love with pretty easily.  So don’t waste your time on a guy that doesn’t value you and is not in love with you.  Give him the going away gift of your absence from his life and don’t look back.


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