Dating and Texting

With texting becoming one of the most popular social mediums for talking amongst dating singles, the nuances of how to text a date properly becomes ever more important for both single men and women. There are more texts than phone calls and every one from teenagers to 20 somethings, to divorced mature singles are using texts as a major means of communicatons. What this means is that all of your emotional flaws are going to be spat out into those text messages you are sending! If you are too desperate, clingy, needy, emotional, or tempermental, it will show up on text message guaranteed.

What is going on via a vis your text messages can be a really good indicater of how your relationship with them is going in general. If you are astute and watch your own texting patterns it can actually be informative. The key is to be able to use texting to your advantage rather than letting it wreck your relationship.

As the dating coaches will tell you, if someone is showing a lack of interest in a relatinship with you then your best bet is to pursue other options instead of pursuing them more. Fear of loss and scarcity create attraction so if you notice that your love interest is fading away (and you can tell if they text less, respond less, and relagate more of your communications to text) it’s time to shift power back to yourself. The way to do this is to focus more on yourself and away from them. Open your mind to other options and dating other people. Even if you are not particularly interested in dating just putting yourself out there will often spur your love interest into valuing you more.

Obsessed with one person? Date more, Text them Less

Three of the most common problems daters encounter that stem from dating and texting are: You text a person you are interested in too much, you get dumped by text message, and you get text obsessed with a person to where you can’t stop texting them. Not surprisingly all of these situations arise when you become way more wrapped up and interested in someone than they are in you. In the best world you would meet the person and your interest levels would be fairly balanced such that the back and forth dynamic between you two was healthy. Unfortunately many if not most relationships do not work out so its often the case where there is an unequal interest level between the two people.

If you feel that you are becoming overly interested in someone that does not receprocate your interest in an equal amount you may become obsessed with the situation. If you text message as a means of social communication then it will show up on text message right away that you are obsessed. If you really like the person you’ll be inclined to press them to get closer to them. It’s the exact opposite of what you should be doing though. The recipient will catch your vibe and start to get grossed out that you are all over them like a cheap suit when they aren’t even sure about how much they like you.

If someones interest level in you is lower than your interest level in them, then they become in control of the relationship at that point. The best way to act if this happens to you is to lower your expectations on the relationship, regroup yourself and back off. Distract yourself with other things and in particular demonstrate to the person that you aren’t going to be waiting arournd like a stupid doormat. Even if you aren’t going to go on dates, joining a dating web site or taking other proactive measures can send a strong message to the person that you are willing to do other things. They aren’t in control anymore.

Be forewarned that if you start to date and flaunt it in their face, then they might too. That is a definite risk you take. If you threaten them jump onto then don’t be surprised if they jump onto It’s not so much about threatening them, its about shifting control back to yourself. You don’t need to announce to them that you will be dating. You can do that on your own. Whether it be getting on a dating site or getting out where you could potentially meet other people and socialize it’s more a matter of pursuing you own interests than purposely trying to make them jeolous. Making someone jeolous to be mean is not right.

Taking control back and shifting focus back onto yourself however, is fine and actually a good thing. If the person was taking you for granted they might wake up and realize that you may not be sticking around for long. If you notice yourself becoming obsessed with a love interest and texting them/pursuing them way more than they are you, it is time to back off. Shift focus onto other aspects of your life and be open to meeting other people while not flaunting it in their face. The person will notice your sudden shift in behavior and if they sense you are backing away they might actually do something to keep your around like reciprocate interest and take you more seriously.

Dumped by Text? Date more, Stop texting them Completely

Getting dumped by text message is the ultimate dating diss, but it happens all the time. If it is early in the dating game try to let being dumped by text roll off you back. People use this as a convenient albeit sleezy way to get rid of you if they are not interested. If you have only been out a few times then people don’t feel much emotional investment or responsibility towards you. Since they don’t have much invested they can be rather ruthless and callous to get rid of you once they figure out that they aren’t going to be falling in love with you.

It often comes down to them sending you a text message to the effect of Just not interested, sorry. Early in the dating game, if you get something like this, just take it on the chin and move on. Obviously it will sting more if you got intimate with them already. Take it as a learning lesson that you shouldn’t do one night stands or overnight relationships. If you give your body away too soon and get rejected it can hurt alot from an emotional standpoint.

Getting dumped is alot less hurtful if you have things going on in your life to distract yourself with. You’ll see alpha males for example are always scanning for new options before totally getting rid of a girlfriend. They view girlfriends like stepping stones in the river and they don’t want to get wet. It is easier to find a new stone and step to it. In many cases you can have a gut instinct that someone is going to leave you before they actually dump you on text. If you sense they are heading for the exit then you should act accordingly.

For example, if you start to date someone and think you are in a promising relationship yet this person refuses to get off the internet dating sites after months of being with you, take it as a red flag. Look for the red flags so that you don’t get broadsided and surprised by a dumped by text message. If you are more in tune with what is going on in the relationship you’ll be in a better positions to handle things. If you get dumped it won’t come as any surprise.

Sometimes, you get dumped on text because you are pursuing the person too heavily and they get annoyed with it. If you are constantly texting them and they aren’t responsive much less exclusive with you, and you continue to turn up the pressure and text and text them, expect to get dumped on text message. Instead of getting dumped if you recognize that they aren’t responsive then you can just move away yourself and put yourself back in control.

Sometimes you don’t have to have a text dumping conversation at all. You just need to watch the persons behavior and act accordingly. Women especially always want closure and feel compelled to know the reasons that they are getting dumped in order to cope. In many cases, the reason they get is a lie and they don’t really need to hear the reason. It is like the notorious failure of Ashley and Bentley on the Bachelorette.

Ashley wanted to drag Bentley back to Thailand or whereever she was to get answers and Bentley’s answer was pretty simple that he really wasn’t even physically attacted to Ashley from the get go. Bentley had a chip on his shoulder that Emily was not the Bachelorette and so he felt slighted on the show which had absolutely zero to do with Ashley. He just took it out on her by acting like a douche bag and playing her since going on the show was a waste of his time in his mind. If someone is not interested in even giving you an explantion and dumping you via a text message, forget about wanting to know much less drag them across the country to grill them. It doesn’t matter.

If you think you might get dumped by text the best thing to do is to back way off and explore other options. Then maybe you won’t get explicitly dumped. If you do get the dumped by text boom lowered on you, it may be because the person didn’t like you and it may be because you pushed them too hard so they decided to bail. Either way, sniveling after them won’t give you any more power in the relationship. Leaving and not even responding to a ur dumped text is the smartest thing to do. If you get dumped by text, delete the persons number from your cell phone. Lose their number for a while and shift focus onto your life and meeting other people.

Whatever you do, don’t wait around. If you touch base with the person months later or they contact you then you can decide at that point whether you want to keep working on things with someone who didn’t consider you a priority.

Join a dating site even if you have no plans to date anyone. Just do it as a distraction and a time killer while you get over someone. If you find you have trouble disengaging after getting dumped by text you should read all of my quit texting tips on this site. Continuing to text someone who dumped you on text message is totally stupid and it won’t make the person more into you. If anything, it will cement in their mind what an idiot you are for being unable to get the “dumped by text” message.


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  1. Pingback: Love texting tips | Love Dating How to Text

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