A major cause of obsessive texting is this: You are desperate for his (or her) approval. Once you completely understand this fact and admit to it, you can start to unravel out of your obsession. For one thing, obsessing will harm the relationship more than it will do it any good.
Are you too much of an empath?
Chances are that if you are an “empath” or empathetic person, you have gone out of your way to be understanding about your boyfriends behavior. You give him the benefit of the doubt and always try to please him. You may even give him excuses for treating you poorly so that he “learns” he can get away with it. Being too accommodating can do more damage to the relationshi”t” than good. Without knowing it, you are lowering your boundaries and showing him that he can walk all over you and still have you available in his back pocket.
Somewhere along the lines of being sympathetic to his stupid plight, you’ll find things slowly changing from you being sympathetic to your being desperate for his approval. It’s a natural progression because you were getting something out of accepting him (positive attention). When that positive attention goes away or wanes, you feel stupid, unattractive, needy and useless. So you try to be even nicer and more accommodating to try and get that attention back.
Once you become dependent on that immediate bond of love and trust, then your boyfriend is holding too much of your happiness in his hands. Pretty soon, he won’t need all of that attention or even want it. It’s almost like a function that the more desperate you become for his attention, the more arrogent he will become. Arrogance will take shape in the form of his using the silent treatment on you, triangulating you with other women he is interested in, or just plain breaking plans with you for the sake of a better opportunity.
The more you are desperate to be his plan “A” the more you will become his plan “B”. If you allow yourself to become addicted to his attention then you are allowing yourself to feel empty without his attention. That’s incredibly damaging to your own emotional health. Rather than desperately texting him to get his approval, at this point a woman should be recovering from having become too dependent.
Try to move from obsessing over how happy you were with him to rediscovering your own self worth. The answer is to stop trying to gain someone else’s approval. As soon as you see this, you’ll be able to stop texting him. It may have felt good to pump him up and get some affection back in return for it but it will feel better if you start to gage who deserves your affection in the first place.
Work on your boundaries and self-respect
Getting messed around by a guy who uses you for an ego boost seems like the end of the world but usually a woman can learn something from the eperience. She’ll learn self-respect and have much better boundaries. Rather than text after him where you’re just an option and not a priority, clear your brain space. Ask yourself if you want to have any more sympathy for the devil. Sympathy for the boyfriend that treats you poorly is a waste of your sympathy. Let him go treat someone else poorly. You deserve someone that will return a text.
Radically reject poor treatment
If you find yourself obsessively texting because you are desperate for his approval it’s time to do a 180. Yank the rug out from under his feet, stop texting him, and focus on you, your boundaries, and your own self-respect. Question your sanity if you want to chase after someone that isen’t giving you the time of day. Don’t accept poor treatment just because you are frightened that he will find someone else. Accepting poor treatment will not stop him from finding someone else in fact it will encourage him to!
Push your insecurity aside and take a cold hard look at how your boyfriend is treating you. Instead of being an empath and over catering to his poor treatment, you should radically reject poor treatment. That outta shock him. Enough said.
|
