Do you have a boyfriend that is giving you excuses as to why he can’t commit, stop seeing other people, or try a relationship with you? This article should give you insight into the real truth about why he disappears.
If a man balks at commitment your best approach is to just stop dating him. This sends him a clear message that you aren’t into sharing and that you have self respect.
Did he disappear? He did you a favor
Did he do a Houdini, vanish, poof, hot and cold, lukewarm, pick a fight with you, start seeing someone else, drag you into a love triangle or hide a double dating life from you? If he decided to drop off the map before becoming a committed boyfriend then you should consider yourself lucky. Better to be dropped and move on than to be strung along by a guy that just doesn’t like you enough to be with you for real.
Get over the concept that men don’t want to commit
It is time to get over the concept that men don’t want to commit. They definitely do want to commit, but they want to do it with the right person for them. Men are not commitment phobes and every man is perfectly capable of committing to the right woman. If he won’t commit he just is not into you enough and you should consider carefully whether you want to get strung along by a waffler.
Men want the same things woman do in that they want a woman that gets them and makes them feel good. They want to fall in love with a woman that makes them happy and for this woman they will commit and they won’t waffle, leave, lie, or drag their feet. If a man is not ready to date you exclusively you may not be right for him. There could be a myriad of reasons you are not right for him but whatever you do don’t buy into his delay tactics. If you were right for him he would have zero problem dating you exclusively. Zero.
When he says he doesn’t want a relationship believe him because he is saying he doesn’t want a relationship with you
When he is saying that he doesn’t want a relationship he is a liar. But he is speaking the truth if you add on the “with you” to the end. In other words, he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Don’t even bother to try to stick around and bang your head against a wall convincing him that he should. You’ll never convince him, you’ll get used, he won’t respect you at all, and you’ll be wasting a lot of your own precious time. That is because when he is dating you yet says he doesn’t want a relationship with you it just means he is waiting for the right girl to come along and using you up in the meantime. Yes men do that.
The sooner you quit dating men who don’t want to be your boyfriend or exclusive, the sooner you will actually get a boyfriend who does. Because if you stay with one of these stupid excuse guys, you will be wasting time, getting older, and holding someones hand while they hold out for miss right. If a relationship is what you want and he isen’t offering it, then leave (no matter how gorgeous he is). Don’t be a “hole”. If you do stay, you better be dating like a maniac and planning your exit the whole entire time because thats precisely what he will be doing.
Does he blow hot and cold? Break up with him
Does he blow hot and cold on you? Does he come around then vanish, or continue to stay on dating sites? Does he go off and get involved with other women for a few months and then boomerang back to you in between? It wasn’t because you did something wrong. Trust me he is not moody, fickle or forgivable. He is blowing hot and cold for a reason and that reason is to downgrade all of your expectations because he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He doesn’t want to be accountable to you. If he cancels plans, is unreliable, unpredictable, and refuses to allow you into his real life take it as a major billboard that he doesn’t want you. Then leave.
Being in love with a man that doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you is exhausting. It is the highway to hell. The fast path to text relationships, booty calls, uncommitted sex, STDs, being used, being cheated on, being lied to, googling then landing on stupid websites like this one, and being taken advantage of. And once you are in the position of swimming up stream with him, you will get nowhere. Read all the self-help articles you like. He will happily watch you flail and grovel until he finds a girlfriend he wants to be with and jettisons you. Your loss of self-respect will morph itself into his ego boost. Think of the blood being sucked out of your life by a complete vampire.
If a man sees you as a real potential, you will never be asking idiotic questions like why doesn’t he text me back. He wouldn’t dream of standing you up or jerking you around. This is treatment he reserves for girls he doesn’t give a real damn about. Don’t be a stupid string along girl that keeps him company in his quest for a girlfriend who he can spoil for real. If you stay with a hot and cold man you are truly, truly, truly just wasting your time.
What he needs to stay
One thing men need is that you have to make him feel safe to stick around. He is not going to like a woman who makes him lose his freedom, or a woman who wraps himself around him too tightly. He doesn’t want to feel like he is trapped in a choke chain trap but rather that he is in a big pasture that he likes to run around in. If you are too on your mans case and accusing him, attacking him and cutting him down, it is unlikely he will want to stay with you. Thats why it pays to leave, rather than sit around arguing in circles.
It is too much drama and he won’t do well if he is constantly baragged with emotional baggage. The best idea is to try to be happy and fun but if he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend just stop seeing him. This eliminates all the begging and drama that will drive him away. It says simply, either be with me or don’t be but I am not available for free sampling. Here is one of the biggest mistake girls make. They talk and talk about their expectations until they are going in circles and the guy just tunes it all out. Try something more streamlined like letting him know you want a relationship and if he’s not up for it ok then, bye bye. Think of it as a simple binary black or white and not a gray area twilight zone of undefined relationships.
So he stopped calling and stopped texting?
OK so he decided to disappear and now you are wasting hours, days, weeks and months of menal energy analyzing and wondering why why why. Why ask why? If he disappeared he didn’t want a relationship with you obviously. He’s not treating you like he does by vanishing. You should stop all communication with him and assume that you don’t even know him if he acts like this. If you start calling and calling and questioning what happened, your entire persona of being a challenge is down the toilet.
Believe it when I tell you if he disappears there are other women
The first sign that he has other woman involved in his life is that he disappears on you. Don’t delude yourself and think you are the only one. He’s not that busy at work or in his life. He is not. He most likely has several options and he unceremoniously puts you on the back burner to go explore those options. He’ll continue to do so until he meets the one that knocks his socks off enough to commit to. And it won’t be you.
Men are selfish and they justify their disappearing acts by the fact that they never made any promises to you. If they said they weren’t ready for a relationship they feel like its their right to disappear at will. If then you call them and start questioning them or demanding exclusivity or acting like a girlfriend when monogamy was never discussed, they will get even more turned off. Seeing as men like a challenge they will view a woman that chases them after they bail as no challenge at all.
If a man only texts you here and there, sees you here and there, and has no problem kicking you into the dust when another better opportunity arises you should kick this man out of your life so hard he won’t even know what hit him. Close the door and don’t even give him the option of mickey mousing you around. He won’t know what hit him nor does he deserve an explanation. Let him figure it out. Ask him once, why he isen’t investing his time in you. Listen to excuse, then send him on his merry way. That way, you won’t be enabling him to string you along.
Never ever assume a relationship
Never, ever fall into the trap of assuming a relationship is going to happen just because he has decided to date you. When you start dating someone they are just trying you on for size. Just because they want to spend some time with you does not mean that they want to have a relationship with you. Not every single relationship is going to progress into something meaningful whether you want it to or not. Don’t forget there are two people involved and just because he is seeing you does not mean he wants you as a girlfriend or he wants to plan some future with you.
If a man disappears on you, acts flaky, says he doesn’t want a relationship yet, won’t commit to being your boyfriend, and doesn’t act consistently, it is a surefire sign that he does not wish to pursue a relationship with you. If you cut him loose you will save yourself so much wasted time and heartache. Rejection sucks but getting used sucks even more.
The added benefit to refusing to be an option not a priority, is that he will quickly see that you weren’t the kind of woman that was going to hang around being an option. It’s an attractive trait and blowing him off is the best way to make him take note. If he wants to hang around you then he better get his act together. The sooner he realizes that the closer to having a real relationship with him you are. So the next time you are wondering why he poof-ed, why he broke plans, why it takes him a week to return a text, and why he ignores you, start thinking about doing this: RUN.