How to get someone to like you
You can get someone to like you by working on yourself and trying to be the best relationship material that you can be. That means, get over past issues, look your best, and act right. Acting right is the single most important changeable component of yourself. Changing is hard, but if you are acting in ways that send people away, take the time to figure it all out.
It also helps to listen. Sometimes people send out warning signals to you and you don’t pick up on them and respect their personal boundaries. I once told someone to quit calling me at two in the morning. I was looking for an excuse to opt out and the next time they called me at two in the morning waking me up in the night attempting to work their way into a late night conversation with me, I dumped them.
Sometimes people are on the brink with you. Catch worthy people have options and they are going to put you through a series of relationship tests whether they realize it or not. If they sense a problem and try to send a warning out to you and if you don’t pick up on it quickly, they use it as the reason to opt out. If for example, lets say you get someone responding to your texts on several occasions with I’m busy, I don’t have time for this, I don’t care. You might not think much of the warning. You might try to be a little more careful next time about when you text them.
You might say something on text the next time you text message them such as, U busy? It’s a rhetorical question OK. Yes, assume they are busy because they don’t seem to like you so much that they wish to be interrupted, and they made it clear already that they don’t want to be bugged by you. If you keep on texting them you might get written off completely. They are going to conclude, this person does not listen to me and what I want. If someone sets up an I’m busy boundary (or any boundary) with you, the best thing to do is respect it. If they are busy 9 times out of 10 then don’t keep texting hoping and praying they are in that 1 out of 10 not busy time points. Assume they are busy and stop texting just like they asked.
Just quit texting them altogether because trust me people throw up boundaries as tests. When you fail to acknowledge the boundary, they use it as a pretext to opt out. If you ignore their request and continue to bother them, then finally your beep, beep, beep text to them goes off while they are in an important business meeting. Their veins pop and they make a non negotiable decision about you. They snap. They conclude, I set up a boundary and I meant it to quit bugging me and this person couldn’t control their behavior and therefore, I’m gone. Later on they might cool off but you most likely did irreparable damage.
The irreparable damage is that for ever more, you are annoying to them. You ignored their boundary test that they established and now your chances for a relationship are shot. If you ask them for another chance they might give you some pity (even occasional intimacy if it suits them) but as far as being relationship material in their minds? Way too late for that. Relationship material respects their boundaries. You didn’t listen and you didn’t learn. Enough said. If someone does not wish for you to text them so much then you have to respect that.
If your girlfriend or boyfriend is starting to back off of your relationship, then there really isn’t a whole lot of active behaviors you can do to get them to change their minds. In fact, the single most effective way of turning your relationship around is to leave the person completely alone to stew in their own juices. Naturally though, our inclination is to try and pick up slack in the relationship and make more of an effort.
Picking up relationship slack, when it comes to text messaging is generally a very bad idea. What happens is that you think you can keep on texting and texting and that by doing that you are helping the situation. Most likely, you are annoying the daylights out of the other person and should stop. You’d be better off showing them that you are respectful of what they want, which is for you to stop bothering them.
Why Convincing Behavior backfires
The reason why convincing behavior never works is that you can’t try and convince someone to feel differently about you than they do. It all comes down to attraction. Either a man or a woman feels it for you, or they just don’t. And there can be all sorts of reasons that go into that instinctual attraction. It’s all part of chemistry and they way you look and smell, what type of person they are drawn to, and a multitude of other variables.
If a person doesn’t feel it for you, how in the world would texting them over and over trying to convince them to like you more help matters? No amount of humor, logic, or reasoning packed into a text message is going to change it. Don’t try and chase, compliment or convince the person to like you by inventing more creative, offbeat and zany texts that you think they will be interested in. They won’t be interested in it. Maybe they will be mildly amused by your convincing machinations, but they won’t be attracted more to you.
Speaking from a woman’s point of view there is pretty much nothing a man can do if I were to decide, nope he is not for me. It might be some lack of chemistry, the types of hobbies they like to do, something missing alpha male wise, a lack of general attraction, or just their personality. If I decide I don’t want to continue to be with them there is no amount of texting they could possibly do to change my mind. It is better if they just go away and give up. If they go away and give up they remain more on my mind than if they intrude. The thing is, I probably won’t want to be with them either way. My mind is made up. Having them text me pushes me away even more.
Just because they respond, doesn’t mean they like you
Let’s say someone does the fizzle on you and stops responding to your text messages reliably. Obviously, that is their subtle way of blowing you off. They are saying, go away, without having to say it. So, if your texts start to get ignored you should do just what they seem to be implying which is to go away. If someone is not responding, why should you text message them further?
Sometimes, the person might be willing to string you along, provided that you don’t harass them too, too much. Maybe they figure you are good for social reasons because you know a lot of people. If you share friends they might figure it’s political to keep you around. Maybe when they are really incredibly bored they don’t mind a text from you as a boredom filler or an ego stroke. Maybe they are attracted to you but they determine a relationship is not a go so they try to play around and see if you can be downgraded to an occasional girlfriend. If you find yourself getting luke warm responses to your text or getting ignored, you should read the signs from that. This person might not be genuinely interested in you. So, stop texting them and let them contact you if they are so inclined.
Things like timing, options, ex girlfriends or boyfriends still floating in the background landscape, intent, readiness to marry or have children, convenience, money, age differences, ethnic differences, children of yours that they don’t wish to get involved with, etc, etc, can make them decide they have better options to look at. It is ruthless, but people want what they want and there can be a variety of reasons why they don’t want you. Instead of chasing someone, let them chase you if they are so inclined. Then you don’t have to figure out how much they like you, it just demonstrates itself with their behavior.
The point is that you might try and put yourself into donuts writing someone funny and creative texts in order to goad them into responding and/or liking you. No matter how nice or funny you are, I don’t think it will work. In fact, the more you bother them the more they will dig in their heels that now they can’t even bother to be friends with you at all.
As long as you are not too, overly obsessive then you can probably keep sending texts here and there in a mild and patient effort to make them like you. Depending on their mood they may respond or not but you will likely never bubble up to top priority. It’s this basic thing that if it is on, it is on. And if it is not on, it is not on. And no amount of convincing texts can make something that is not on become something that is. The less often you text a person you are interested in the more likely they will be interested in responding. Always text less often than you’d like and wait for the other person to text you.
Why convincing kills attraction
Convincing behavior absolutely kills attraction. If silence is on the text line and you are pretty much the only one sending out messages to someone it is time to stop. Hear the silence and realize what the silence means. Sometimes you don’t want to accept that a relationship is not in the cards so you fill up that silence with a lot of superfluous texts that you concoct in an effort to goad out a response.
It’s not just about warning you not to try and send tons of convincing texts out. It’s the fact that if this person you are bothering is trying not to be mean, they might continue to string you along so long as you are not threatening them or texting them out of control. Just because they accept some texts from you does not mean they like you. If they remain friendly you might misinterpret that to mean that they actually like you. They don’t. If they did, they would not be blowing you off. If they liked you, they would be texting you, and calling you, plain and simple.
Bottom line the situation becomes a serious time waster for you when you choose to pursue someone on text that does not text you back. Just because some one responds to your convincing texts every once in a while doesn’t mean they like you either. It doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that they have yet to block you out of their lives completely. In terms of are you making progress because this person deigns to respond to one of your well planned texts but ignores 99% of the others, no you are not making progress. No progress. If there was progress, they would text you not the other way around.
What to do instead of trying to convince them to like you with annoying texts
This is so totally hard and utterly annoying to hear because deep down you know its true, but what to do instead of texting them is to leave them alone completely. Disappear and then resurface to text them one time in a month or two if you must, and maybe at that point they’ll bother to respond. Any time someone is ignoring your texts the thing to do is stop texting.
What to do instead is to wait, wait and wait. If you are really obsessed then it may be super hard to get things done. All the dating books on heartbreak and getting over a break up tell you to get busy working on your own life. Do your sports, work, fix things you need to, and so forth. Basically anything to keep you busy.
Truthfully, if you are really heart broken and obsessively hung up on someone it will be so hard to get anything productive done. But nonetheless, you should still disengage the texting and the contact big time. One thing is that you get totally emotional when getting blown off. You sort of go off your rocker. And you do really counter productive behaviors. Texting, pursuing, convincing, being pathetic and getting angry because someone does not like you will make things even worse for you.
So, yes get on with your own life and try to meet other people, date other people, and focus on other things. But even if you can’t, you should still leave the person totally alone and dwell in your misery until you get over them. After a while, maybe a long time, you will start to calm down and get a better grip on your emotions.
Once you do that and are thinking rationally and not emotionally, you can always come up with a sane plan of something to do. For example, you can read through all the stop texting tips and figure out a way to reduce or cut contact so that you can leave the person alone and give them the space they want from you.
You can come up with a plan. OK, I won’t bother them for six or eight weeks and then if I hear nothing I will send them with an innocuous text to ask how they are and see how they respond. If they don’t respond positively, I am done with pursuing that relationship and I move on to trying to meet other people.
Bottom line, don’t try to convince someone to like you. Try to be your best self, and if you feel them distancing don’t try and pursue them by sending a lot of noisy text messages to fill the silence they are giving you. Let it go and go off and do your own thing for a while. Given enough time, you will be able to calm down and sort through whether you are acting desperate or trying to over compensate for their lack of interest in you. You’ll be able to think more clearly and act way less pathetic if you give the convincing text messaging a rest. You can’t convince someone to like you with text messages.