A breakup and the heartbreak that comes with breaking up is an awful emotional experience. Whether you are breaking up with your ex and know this will hurt them, or whether you just got your heart broken, it is never any fun. Sometimes you get dumped because you pressed an issue, lost your temper, or pressured your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if you are the one doing the dumping, there is surely a reason that you are pushed to this point. In your mind there was one or more matters that you felt could not be corrected in your relationship.
Dumping by text message as mean as it is, is becoming a fast and effective way to unceremoniously end a relationship. What you may not be expecting however, is that a text breakup may set off a series of text rebuttals and a brutal text war between two people. Everyone knows that dumped by text is mean however if you are doing the dumping you probably feel it safest and are uncomfortable with how your partner would react if you broke up face to face. Maybe you don’t wish to get yelled at on the phone either when you deliver that bad news to them, so you felt text or email was the only practical way to end it.
How to get an ex back
If you want to get your ex back and don’t know how, you might be searching the web looking for ideas and a strategy, landing here. In this article we are going to go through a few tips on how to understand why you were broken up with on text message and what you can do to get your ex back with you. Here we will cover a few helpful makeup strategies you can consider if you want to get your ex back, and discuss how it applies to text messages.
Try to find the reason you were dumped on Text
If you were dumped on text message you might bemoan the fates that you were ever together with someone so cruel as to dump you by text message. You are right in thinking that it is mean and insensitive. At the same time however, you have to consider that you may have been behaving in such a way that your ex didn’t want to have to confront you directly.
If you were arguing too much, maybe they wanted to avoid a big blowout fight. Maybe they thought you would get distressed and upset, possibly hysterical if they did the break up in person, so they wanted to avoid the discomfort of such a confrontation. It also may be the case that they feel as though they have really have broken up with you already but you aren’t hearing it or accepting the answer when it happened. In their mind they are merely backing up the original break up on text message because you won‘t stop texting them. The text message breakup is just the boom lowering again and it may have already been well on its way down. You just didn’t realize it.
If your ex was using text message as a means of not dealing with you directly they you have to look at your behavior and ask yourself if you yelled, screamed, fought or acted in such a way that they couldn’t cope with all the drama. After the breakup if you give yourself some time to think things through before responding to the breakup. Give yourself the time you need to sort everything out. You might come to realize that your behavior led to the text dumping at least to a small degree.
The point is that your ex may not have dumped you by text solely to be mean. They may have been upset about something and reacting, scared to confront you in person, and just a little bit cowardly to do it face to face or on the phone risking your verbal wrath.
Don’t argue with the text breakup, instead accept it and stop texting your ex
Even if you were broken up with, you might be able to get back with an ex. Your ex may look cool, calm and collected but inside they probably are hurt as well though they might try to hide it. If you berate them for the breakup or argue back with them it will likely serve to further aggravate them and reaffirm that they don’t want to be with you. So, instead of arguing the breakup right away it is best to just accept it and go into a down period where you really have a chance to think everything through.
Sometimes an ex executes a breakup by text message because they are mad or they lost their temper. If you had fight on text and then gotten broken up with then you should understand that things may have gotten out of hand and escalated. If the breakup text happened after a ramp up or escalation of text messages being exchanged, it may have been born of hurt and anger. Cementing the finality of it into the ground will only make matters worse. Harassing the person on text about your relationship and how great it was and what a fool or loser they are for dumping you will get you nowhere either.
If you were broken up with on text be sure to just back down completely. Let things sit because the breakup could have happened in a hot flash moment. It’s possible if you accept it and back down that your ex will calm down themselves and come around to talking to you about what their real issues with you really were. If you are dumped on text there is no sense in throwing fuel to the fire or going out of control over it. Give your ex ample time to calm down and maybe the breakup will blow over as just a fight, you never know.
Try the no contact rule which will give your ex space
When you are closely entangled and enmeshed with a breakup up text you receive, it is so hard to stop texting them back in dismay. If you get dumped by text try to establish a no contact period! If you are addicted to compulsive texting it is going to be quite difficult to stop the crazy texting fingers. Try to stop. Don’t start texting all of the thoughts that come into your mind. Do you best to stop your fingers from pressing the Send key. Yes, I know its hard but you can do it.
Follow my tips for quitting texting on this web site. The first days and the early days in no contact are really the hardest. You may feel listless and depressed. You’ll decide not to text but then break your silence and fire off a text. When it gets ignored, you’ll get angry and send more message. Then you might get depressed over the fact that you have no willpower. Its a cycle. Even if you fell off the text wagon and texted him, its important to establish a reduction or better yet stop absolutely all communications with him including texting.
Take it one day at a time and try to implement the 48 hour rule where you don’t text for 48 hours. Even if you have to hide your phone or turn off texting on your phone you can do it. As time goes on it will get easier. An important thing is to try and minimize obsessing about the ex and all the beautiful new dates you imagine that they are having and how much fun you assume they are having without you. You’ll only drive yourself crazy with such thoughts.
If you find yourself struggling with no contact but at the same time want your ex back so bad, you simply have to get a grip. If you don’t stop texting your ex they might go to the next step which is to put a block on your cell phone number. You don’t want to get blocked do you? Your ex wants to break up for now and you need to respect it. Don’t hassle them or they will continue to take steps to block you out of their life. It best for the prospect of making up with your ex to leave them alone for weeks if not months. If you have any hope of getting back together with them then you have to respect their wishes and leave them alone for a while.
Minimize obsessing about them by moving on and dating or getting busy with other things
You’ll probably find yourself obsessing relentlessly about whether your ex has moved on or not, started dating someone else, and if your relationship is forgotten. You might stalk their social profiles and scout the dating sites or local hangouts to try and run across them and see if they are dating someone new. Try not to have that predictable pity party where you claim you’ll never survive without your ex, never find anyone as good or never fall in love again.
If your ex is outgoing and popular, then they will indeed try to have fun and get away from this depressing breakup with you. Can you blame them? Trust me that you will still be in the back of their mind no matter how much they try to deny it or hide it. If they are dating other already people they may have a better distraction mechanism that you do. Life isn’t always fair but you’ll deal with it. Just remember that dating on the rebound relationships don’t always work out. Sometimes they are dating someone new just to keep you off of their mind.
Your goal should be to calm way the down. Stop with the runaway fearful thoughts. You have to regain your composure. Going into a panic and obsessing will not help you at all and will only serve to rev you up and flip you out. The more you get upset the more likely you will start texting your ex when you really don’t want to. What you are going to have to do as hard as it is, is shift focus back onto your own life. Start thinking clearly about yourself and your life and bettering yourself either to be ready to get back with your ex or eventually find someone new. Throw yourself into a work or home project or whatever you need to take care of. Just try to get busy doing something that will keep you occupied for a little while.
Some people seem to think that bettering yourself physically can help. General advice is to get to the gym, relax yourself, go through your wardrobe and take care of that beauty treatment you’ve been thinking about. It depends on your personality whether you want to get out and date, duck your head into a home or work project, or just wallow with the television set for a while. Do what feels right but whatever you do, don’t text.
Consider apologizing after a calming period has elapsed
If you are able to leave your ex alone for around a months time, and you don’t hear from them by then, it may not be a good sign. Most dating books advise to give it between 2 weeks and 3 months of no contact before accepting that they really don’t want to get back together with you.
If they really don’t get in touch with you then at least at that point it will not hurt you to touch base with them. If they are stubborn they might break down at that point and let you in on what is going on with them. By that point you will have calmed down and would be ready to apologize to them for anything you did that led to or contributed to your text dumping. You’ll know if they are genuinely interested in you still if you apologize and then your ex starts to initiate communication with you again.
It can work. I have a friend who was broken up with his girlfriend and they didn’t talk for three solid months. One day she broke down and called him up saying that she missed him. They did get back together and are engaged now. So there you have an example that you can make up after giving a partner enough space and time to calm down and miss you. It is harder for people to move on than you think it is, and you still might have an inroad to your ex’s heart even after a few months apart.
If your ex accepts your apology but does nothing to start talking with you again or resolve things or express an interest in getting back together with you, then it will be time to give up on the relationship. Prior to that your no contact rule was a strategy to get them back, which may have made it slightly easier to follow. Now, you really have to accept that you should continue no contact for real. Do not try and to make further attempts to reach out to your ex. It will be most likely impossible to be friends with them until way later on down the road when you are totally over it.
The silver lining will be that after a period of no contact, you are already accustomed to being out of touch with the person. The ideal situation is that you will get back with your ex. But even if you don’t, you have successfully disengaged and will be way further on the road to being able to move forward with your life without bothering them.
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