Texting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend in hopes of re-kindling your romance can be dangerous. By holding out hope and continuing to text your ex you might be unwittingly wasting precious time. Not only that, you could be setting yourself up to becoming more and more obsessed with the ex when and if your advances are repeatedly shut down. Eventually your hurt and disppointment can turn to bitterness and anger over the rejection. You can go from innocently trying to keep in touch in hopes of getting them back, to harrassing them out of your own frustration very quickly.
Ex text addiction is a common phenomenon that can happen after a breakup. The obsession with the ex happens when there is a breakup between two people, one of whom doesn’t want it to end. Some times the split is a lets never talk to each other again break up, and sometimes its an I am not ready to be exclusive or commit to you breakup. In the former, both people go their own ways and stop communicating, in the latter, one person won’t commit so its up to the other to either put up with an open relationship, downgrade and stay friends with them, or move on.
What happens with ex texting is that the relationship enters a nebulous non relatoinship status. The person who did the breaking up often tries to do it nicely and is willing to continue a playful banter with their ex as long as it is not annoying them. In other words, they might still be willing to talk to the ex they just dumped but they just don’t want a relationship and have no intention of commitment. They’ve moved on, and if their ex contacts them without being an annoyance they will usually be willing to keep in touch on some elementary level. And the elementary level is usually, you guessed it, text message.
How staying friends with you ex can fuel and damage her Addiction
Relationships that fizzle but don’t explode can often lead to the dumped ex carrying continued hope to re-ignite the relationship and have it start up again. Let’s say the situation is that you’re a guy and you dumped your ex because she wanted a commitment but you didn’t. You still like her enough to keep in touch if that what she really wants, but you aren’t going to get back with her unless maybe it’s a casual hookup while you are in between new girlfriends.
In her mind, if she still likes you, she views that the door is still open. You’re still talking to her and allowing communication. So she may keep in touch with you via text. But she has a plan and it is not to be friends, it is to get you back. She might continue to carry on a playful text banter with you. She’ll occasionally text you, ask you what you are doing, and so forth.
What men don’t realize is that this can inadvertently fan her obsession with them. They’ve given her the message that they are not into their girlfriend. They’ve made it clear that it is done and it is over. But the girlfriend is only quasi getting the idea and she is still continuing to communicate and hope for a re-kindling or a romance that no longer exists. You’re sort of trapped because if you communicate back then she thinks she still has a chance with you.
Why continuing communication with an ex is a total time waster
If you read the above and find yourself as either the man or the woman in a breakup situation, then you might relate. If you are the girl (or person who got dumped) my best advice is to not continue that friendship with your ex, even if they allow for it. If your ex can handle a friendship or downgrade you to open relationship then it is no skin off their back to keep you around as long as you don’t annoy them or harrass them. To them, you’re now just an ex and possibly an ex that they can hook up with periodically if you allow them to take advantage of you like that.
For you though, if you really still like this person who ended it with you, then keeping in touch with them will only fan your obsession. It will damage your obsession by continuing to keep in touch and playfully banter with them. For one thing, you become their doormat girl and they don’t get a chance to miss you. You’re always there as a backup plan and he won’t have any inclination to miss you or ever get back together with you. His only inclination will be to string you uselessly along if you are stupid enough to allow it.
The playful banter you send to your ex in hopes that he will become interested again is a total waste of your time. He won’t become interested if you playfully text ping him. You’ll be in a non relationship imagining that things will rekindle while he simply could take you or leave you. You become free entertainment.
If you are foolish enough to allow or even encourage occasional physical get togethers you can get emotionally hurt beyond your wildest imagination. Physical intimacy with someone that makes it clear there are no strings attached is almost intolerable for most women. It feels temporarily euphoric followed by realizing you a total schmuck.
Men can compartmentalize much better than women can. A text message exchange that culminates in a rendezvous with an ex when you aren’t really together anymore can set you back for months if you aren’t careful.
If you aren’t getting the message that he is done with you even though he has repeatedly told you so, you are completely wasting precious time. Particularly if you are in child bearing years and want a marriage and a family, this type of string along situation is self torture and pure poisen. And in most cases he has leveled with you but the fact that he remains friendly with you keeps you texting in vain, hooking up and hurting yourself emotionally, and still hoping (and wasting your precious time).
Don’t waste you time on an ex
The moral to the story is don’t waste your time texting your ex. Try to go cold turkey and follow the advice on this web site to quit texting him. Fall out of contact. As hard as it is to hear the silence of the breakup, it is worth it. Because continuing to interact with him will be a total waste of your time. You actually have a better chance of getting him back by moving on with your life for real. Then and only then, he might actually get the chance to feel and miss your presence.
Another reason not to waste time texting an ex is that it fans your obsession to continually think about them, strategize how to get back with them, and text them with the hope that they will get back into you. You need to accept and get the idea that they don’t want to be with you. Even if they banter back with a text message when you text them, it means nothing. They don’t want to be with you and if they did they would be spending time with you.
If you allow yourself to relegated into a non relationship with an ex who you still communicate to on text message, you are a real fool. You could waste years of your life pining away and hoping to get back together with someone based on few idiotic text messages that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things! You don’t want to wind up angry and bitter over how much time you’ve wasted on someone that didn’t give a damn about you do you?
Get the message when something is over and done and don’t fall into the texting your ex time wasting trap. You’ll just be continuing to hold out hope and wasting precious time in your life where you could be getting over the person and opening yourself up to someone new. Another reason to stop texting your ex is that over time, when you continually get shut down in your attempts to re-kindle the romance, anger can brew. You’ll keep trying to get back and keep continuing to get shut down with I told you, I don’t want a relationship right now.
Allowing yourself to string along and text an ex can lead to further texting, obsession and addiction to them. If they keep rejecting your advances and attempts to get back together, it will feel like you are getting dumped over and over and over again. Eventually you might get hurt, upset, bitter, then finally angry. All of a sudden you’ll implode and send a bunch of texts that represent all your pent up frustration. That’s when they’ll realize you are in essence harrassing them and they will get even more steadfast in the breakup.
Try the no contact approach
If you have an ex that you still like, you may want to try to adopt the no contact rule. Generally this means that you need to stop talking to this person and shut them completely out of your life for a while. Not only will this give the person a chance to miss you, it will help you get over them. By not engaging in any contact (text or otherwise) you will be removing yourself of the endless loop of trying in vain to get back with them.
The more you text an ex, the more your frustration and anger will build and you’ll have regrets about trying, self hatred and feel pathetic and desperate. Read the self help books about the no contact rule and its benefits for moving on and eliminating time wasters from your life. You need to get the message if someone is not into you, and though its hard to hear the silence once you stop bugging them, its healthier.