Did you live your life assuming that men were chivalrous with nothing to make you think otherwise, and then in came Casanova to shatter your way of thinking about men?
Don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t see it coming. You might have just gotten blindsided by a Cassanova, aka a player. Never fear, your life does go on after encountering one of these men. Most women run across one or two of these in the scope of their lives. Given some time and patience you really will stop obsessing over him.
The saddest is when women dive innocently into the throes of passion with Cassanova thinking they found the one when the one is just a game player. Also sad, is when women go into a relationship thinking they can have casual sex without forming an emotional attachment. An emotional attachment is a certainty. Reckless, is when a woman decides to allow the relationship to drag on just for the ongoing opportunity to get physical with someone handsome.
Women who think they can have a sexual relationship without any sort of emotional bond forming are wrong. Ocytocin is strong and being with someone you are extremely attracted to creates a strong bond. Even if you aren’t being treated well by this person the bond will stick and that is what your Cassanova can count on being able to string you along as a vessel for physical pleasure and nothing more. You’re hooked and he knows it.
If you find yourself involved with a Cassanova player and needing help here are a few tips for you. First of all, think over your situation carefully. If you have been intimate with this person and no other signs of a relationship exist, you may want to opt out and cut your losses. The longer you stay in without so much as a date or a day of fun in the light of day, you are trapped. After months and even years of emotional investment it becomes harder and harder to walk away undamaged. So, think ahead because cutting ties later will probably be harder than cutting ties now.
Work on your self esteem which will help you extricate from a Casanova relationship
Work on your self esteem. Having low self esteem and being desperate to have love or be with someone even if the relationship is largely imaginary, makes you vulnerable to such players. Unfortunately the player takes advantage of your low self esteem while simultaneously losing respect for you because you put up with the treatment he doles out. He is free to experiment with how poorly he can treat you and still have his way. So the cycle is you stay, and he respects you less.
Loss of respect is like a freight train that is impossible to stop much less turn around. A woman who accepts this type of relationship is automatically one that he will not get into a serious relationship with. So do not think that you can stop and turn around a speeding train and then miraculously make a relationship out of it. Unless you are a movie star or insanely rich a man will have little incentive to give you more when he already had his hooks in you while giving you nothing.
Shift focus back onto yourself and your own life to help you extricate from a Casanova relationship
Try taking up hobbies, throwing yourself into work, fixing up your house, going to the gym, expanding your social network and even seeking counseling or support groups if you need to. If you are able to talk to rational minded people you will start to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who only wants to use you for physical pleasure and doesn’t even want to hang out and have fun with you for a day. You’re risking an STD for someone who won’t spend a day with you!
Distance yourself from your Cassonova relationship
Distance yourself by discontinuing the contact. This will let your oxytocin addiction to him wane and your logical brain will start to sink in. You might get mad, sad, angry, or see things in a new light once you get some distance. Make it a point to stop texting him. Don’t whine, don’t cry, don’t beg. Don’t text. Don’t throw yourself at him begging to talk or asking what you did wrong. Drop off his map instead. Because trust me, the minute he gets a shiny new toy you will be dropped off his map without a second thought.
Don’t beat yourself up over a players behavior. Don’t take it personally. These type of men have honed skills at this game and you weren’t the first and you won’t be the last either. Most players have really good looks, sex appeal, wealth, or some facet of themselves that makes women throw themselves at him. Not only does he attract women, he invests a huge amount of time into pursuing women so he always has an option or two on the side.
He is not just a jerk to you, he is a jerk to other women he sees and has seen and will see too. He’s numb to your feelings and most likely reads pick up artist websites believing the hype about how this is a lifestyle and he buys right into it. Players rationalize that you are an adult and responsible for yourself and what you choose to do (like be a booty call) so don’t expect that player to really give a darn about you because he does not.
As you are able to distance yourself by discontinuing contact first for a few hours, then a day, then a few days, then weeks, and finally months, reflect on how you were treated. Even if you got the chance to be with the hottest guy you have ever been with, consider how he treated you. How he treated you lasts longer than what he looked like. Did he call you, date you, wish you a happy birthday, keep promises he made and come through for you in any way other than having sex? If not, try to keep him out of your physical sight and out of your mind. If you are obsessing force yourself to delete his photos, drop yourself from his social networking circle and just put him out of your sight. Lose his number.
Block him out to help you ignore Casanova and focus on yourself instead
Any attention you give him, positive or negative just blows up his ego. You don’t need a closure talk or an apology for how he treated you in order to move on with your life. You don’t need to hear his ish. Just know that he didn’t treat you well, is actively pursuing other women while using you, and doesn’t care how you feel or if he puts you at risk. If you get angry and do drama with him, he won’t care because he is used to this kicking and screaming phase of the relationship.
He is used to the mess he creates and he watches the woman go through the phases from innocent hope, to his getting away with murder at first, to your slow realization it’s going nowhere, to you asking for more out of the relationship, to your deluding yourself that things are progressing if you just stop complaining, to his hemming and hawing, to your eventual anger, to your ultimate sadness, to your being forced to finally give up and get on with your life. He’s been through it and he knows you’ll get over it just like the rest of them did. Therefore all the drama you create along the way is just giving him a free psych course in women’s behavior. He is just watching you acting like a fool, learning, and storing it all in his mind.
The bottom line is that there is no winning with a player. Cut ties and learn to love yourself every day a little bit more. It is a damaging lesson to have to learn yet in the future you will notice the red flags you missed that tell you a man is not interested in you for anything serious.