Five emotions that make you text your ex when you shouldn’t be!

Have you ever continued to text and text your ex even though they told you that that it was over and that they did not wish to hear from you?  A person can screen your calls and delete your emails, but texting is more intrusive.  It comes right to their phone.  Unless they block your phone number with their carrier, your texts are likely to feel quite intrusive to them. 

Mean ex-es sometimes get a power trip or ego boost when you keep bothering them and they are put out by it.  Texting them may encourage them to be meaner and more hostile than they ever were towards you.  You’re bugging them so then it’s open season for them to respond back cruelly to your intrusions.  You may be giving them all the emotional power when you should just be leaving them alone just like they want.

Nice ex-es may continue to communicate with you because they know they are hurting you or have hurt you and they don’t want to be ruthless even though they know it’s over.  These type of ex-es might communicate back on occasion while secretly hoping you’ll just get the hint, meet someone else or give up and fade away like you should.   It’s good to be nice yet a pitfall can be when you take their civility to mean that they are still interested in you which they are not.

Confused ex-es may not be over you either.  They are on the fence.  Maybe you had a fight or some one made a rash decision to end it.  If there is any hope to rekindling things it does not lie in texting them.  The best thing is leave them alone for a while.  Whether your ex is mean, nice or also confused about your status if they’ve told you to stop communicating with them you should stop communicating with them.  Particularly if you’ve tried several times to get through to them and make up and they don’t want to, at that point it’s time to leave them alone.  Don’t text. 

Whose fault is it that you are texting them?

Sometimes such texting is partly the ex-es fault believe it or not.  The reason is the boy who called wolf syndrome.  If they told you never to text them in a fight and then weeks later you’ve made up then it becomes harder and harder to take them seriously when they say stop texting.   You start to read things into it that you shouldn’t.  You think well they really don’t mean it because they say that all the time.

Even so, it’s your fingers that are doing the typing.  No matter how many cycles you have been through before it really doesn’t give you the right to intrude onto their text waves and keep texting.  Sometimes its best to just beg off and let them be.  Even if they cut you off mid-fight or said their piece then suddenly are done with the conversation, you should stop texting.  The bottom line is that if you keep texting your ex when they’ve said quit it, it won’t lead to anywhere good. 

There are certain emotions that creep up that will cause you to text your ex when you really shouldn’t.  Consider these emotions as little dangers signs and when you have them try to exert self control.  Avoiding texting out of emotions should make your relationship go way more smoothly. 

Even if you’ve already blown it by showing your ex that you’re a compulsive texter you can change your behavior.   Do you know how dieters fall off the diet and then they just start to go out of control, or alcoholics fall off the wagon and go on a bender?  Well sometimes if you stop texting you might mess up and text when you shouldn’t.  Don’t beat yourself up yet get back onto good behavior and quit texting.  Did you text them too much?  Get over it. 

No matter how much you want to pin the blame on the recipient being the cause of your texting, it’s really you that is texting so stop yourself.  Watch for these common emotions and when you are experiencing them make every effort to follow the 48 hour no texting rule.  Once 48 hours has passed you may have calmed down enough to realize that you should not be texting this person.  You’re rational thinking should kick back into gear.


Don’t text out of anger you’ll only get into a flame war with them.  If you are angry at your ex stop texting them and leave them alone.  Try the 48 hour no texting rule.


If your ex hurt your feelings and you want to send them 69 texts telling them so, think twice.  Going into deep detail about how they hurt you on text will likely make you look like you are pathetically gushing.  It will completely turn them off and make them mad too.


You might be bored but they might be busy.  If you text useless nothings and the person is busy it will be annoying to them.  Generally an ex doesn’t want to hear from you so what is the point in blathering useless nothings to them.  They don’t care.


Did you get emotional over something that happened.  Maybe your ex criticised you or called you a name and it really disturbed you.  Maybe they told you they met someone else and were intimate with them.   If you’re really emotional about something its the wrong time to text your ex.  You won’t sound like a very sane person so it’s best to wait. 

Sometimes emotions creep up.  If you feel a slow creeping up of feelings on something that happened it’s best to figure out how you feel before you start texting them.  You might be more upset than you realize so give yourself time to sort things out.  Emotional texting is like shooting from the hip.  Its a bad idea.


If you are jealous or trying to inspire jealousy it is probably the wrong time to be texting them.  Do you want to tell them how you’re dating someone else, about all the people who are interested in you now, about someone that you were or are now with that is so much better than them?   Texts that are based around making them jealous or you being jealous are not a good idea.


Clinginess happens when you realize that you are now dumped into singledom again. After you get over the anger and the hurt then you can hear the sound of your own echo. A few weekend nights alone can shake you after a breakup. Just understand that breakups can be very unnerving and create a strong irrational compulsion to run back to your ex even though they are done with you.


After a breakup you might get depressed as you realize ok this is really over. What can make it worse is when your ex already met someone else that they are happily running around with feeling no pain. The juxtaposition of their seeming happiness with your misery can be depressing. Why her or him not me you start thinking. One of the reasons that the person who broke up with you moves on so fast is that they’ve been eyeing the door for a while. The breakup happens after they entered into a period of mentally moving on. It seems like the girlfriend or boyfriend appeared over night but they may have been mentally checking out on you long before you acknowledged it.

Getting depressing over how easy they moved on is very common. Their rebound relationship may or may not work out yet it should be no concern of yours. Your exes new flame should be concerned with them now, not you. Just remember they will be dealing with the same person you were.   Your ex may be on good behavior for a while since they are in a new relationship and trying that much harder, yet eventually they will become them again. Don’t text an ex who is already with someone else as its chasing a train that has already left the station. Pointless.  Whether or not they treat the new person better than you has no bearing on your life which has to and will go on.


Don’t text out of spite.  If your ex dumps you and you’re spiteful you should not send spite texts.  These are juvenile and infuriating.  It would be like they tell you not to text and you text them every 10 minutes for several hours just to annoy them or to do some bizarre power trip.  Texting out of spite equals harassment.  Don’t do it!

Hopefully this article gave you some tips on knowing when not to text.  If you feel these emotions lurking: anger, hurt, boredom, being emotional, depression, jealousy or spite then it’s no time to text an ex.  Common wisdom says leave your ex alone.  If you think there is hope to get back together just give it a rest and send them a single message after a couple of months.  By that point maybe the issues will have dissipated some and they may talk to you again.  If you try to no avail to be with your ex and they just don’t want to then there is nothing you can do. 

You can’t force someone to want something they don’t.  Texting your ex is generally not going to help the relationship.  It’s more like to lead to pure hatred than anything else.  Moving on from a person who doesn’t want to be with you or hear from you is the solution, hard as it may be.


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