Freinds with benefits FWBs and texting

One thing is certain which is that relationships that are mostly existing on text message, are in nearly all cases FWBs.  There is no relationship, commitment, or monogamy.  There is only flirty texts, and a last-minute get together.  Now the girl may not realize this at first, and she may be hoping that texting can be or lead to something more, but trust me that it will not lead anywhere.  If he is not calling you on the phone, there is little hope for a relationship with him.  You are wasting you time.

Deluding yourself into thinking a FWB means something

Don’t delude yourself and believe that a relationship that is mostly text message accented by occasional spur of the moment escapades is a relationship.  It most certainly is not a relationship.  Men take advantage of the fact that texting is so popular and this can lead women to be fooled by initial text message communications into thinking there is something more meaningful happening on text.  Nothing meaningful ever happens on text message.  Men may even chuckle to themselves that a woman is so dumb as to stay in a relation with them when they never even have to lift up the phone and dial their number or press send.

Men juggle women with text.  Men conduct FWBs with text.  Men keep expectations low with text message communications.  Men will say pretty much anything to get l*id and they will also continue relationships that have little hope for going somewhere so long as they are getting something out of it like physical intimacy.  If your boyfriend or promising boyfriend is only texting you then you should not delude yourself.  This is a low-grade relationship at best.  Stop texting and you will quickly see what happens.  The relationship will fizzle 99% of the time.

FWBs are best viewed as relationship never-never land

The reason women stay in these relationships is because they are clinging on to the man accepting poor behavior in the hopes of getting something more by continuing to banter, text,  get intimate with the person, and provide free flirtation material to him.  It rarely becomes more.  Relations tend to either take off, or stay in never-never land.  Once you are derailed into never-never land, there is no escape other than to blow the guy off completely and move on to finding someone who wants to call you up on the phone.

Society teaches women to be attractive, seductive and desirable.  Women will tend to give the milk for free to validate their desirability and beauty to an unobtainable fantasy man.  Men will knowingly take advantage of this.  While a women could be beautiful enough to have a FWB relationship with, a man may not be attracted to her in more than a shallow way.  But he won’t let her know until she presses him on the issue.  Men are able to compartmentalize physical relationships way better than women are.  They also love to compartmentalize women via text message because it keeps the relationship at a low ebb to relegate a woman to text message.

A man will respect the woman that he feels is right for him

Some men have bad habits and will never really respect a women, but even those misbehaved men will behave very differently towards someone they are actually interested in.  The three biggest signs of interest are that they call you rather than just text you, make plans with you to do even mundane things, show you where they live, and introduce you to their friends. 

Sustained interest is key.  A man might feign serious interest when he first starts dating you but it is sustained interest past the first month of dating that really speaks to his integrity and interest level.  Screen for respect by asking yourself this.  Does he call me?  Does he make plans to do stuff with me in the light of day?  Does he let me come over? And most importantly, has he introduced me to his friends?  A man who is not doing these things should be screened out of your life.  Even if he finds you attractive, me may not find you valuable as girlfriend material. If you are girlfriend material is going to have zero problem bringing you into his social circle.

What men value for a real relationship is not just about looks

Men can be physically attracted to a women that they are not truly interested in developing a relationship with.  The physical attractive barometer just takes looks enough to physically attract him, and a somewhat fun personality.  Value, is a different story.  A man might be looking for a woman who is cut from the same cloth, lives in his area, relates to his way of life, or has something to offer other than just her looks.  He might be interested in a woman who is younger, or a woman who has money.  He might feel that a certain woman could fit into his life.  He might date a woman with children but have no intention of getting involved with her children ever.  He might be willing to date someone who he enjoys spending time with on a casual level while he continues to look for someone else that he actually wants a serious long-term relationship with.

Men do not just value looks.  They want looks and other traits and they are very shrewd about what they see as the total package woman. There are many elements that they look for when it comes to getting involved beyond FWB.  They have to view you as being everything from a trophy to someone who can add serious advantages to their life through family, wealth, social connections, career advancement, beauty and youth, or other traits you wouldn’t even know about.  If he is really interested in you, it will be clear in his actions.  He will continue to treat you as an increasing priority over time.

You should be able to gage how into you a man is after the first month or two of dating him.  If his interest in you is low and you hang in there letting it drag out it almost for certain will wind to fizzling or becoming a FWB if you are foolish enough to put up with that.  Once a man has you pigeon-holed as a FWB it is unlikely that he will upgrade his behavior to treating you with respect.   If he is still dating other women, still online, or tells you that he does not want a commitment, it’s him saying this: FWB take it or leave it.  He knows you well enough to know that you aren’t demanding respect, have low self-esteem and have shown yourself to be willing to have physical relations without any sort of monogamous commitment.  If you put up with it, he will keep you around.  If you demand more, he will cut you loose before listening to your relationship whining because he has already decided he won’t be exclusive with you.  Once a FWB, always a FWB.

False hope is why certain women get stuck as a FWB

The only way to get out of a FWB relationship is to leave it yourself.  Men will stay in as long as you let them, unless you become a crazy stalker or completely cramp their style.  It may be hard to say sianora, because you hoped for more.  But no matter how much you invest in a man, if he already has you pegged as a FWB you will never, ever get him into a real relationship with you. So the only choice is to leave.

Most women stay in a FWB because the man they are seeing is out of their dating league.  They would not be able to capture a man like this as a real boyfriend so they settle for getting only crumbs of him and being treated like the replaceable object they are.  They basically want a peace of a man that they really can’t have because he knows he can do better.  A man might keep a woman around like this because he can get physical variety while still pursuing other women as he pleases. He might like having a harem of women he dates casually.

Usually the cost benefit of staying with such a guy makes it not worth it, but women stay regardless.  What happens is that they get more and more invested into the fantasy of getting into an exclusive relationship with him and fall deeper into involvement.  No matter how hot the guy it is rarely worth it.  The reason it is not worth it is that you must really like the guy to put up with this sort of treatment.  Imagine then, how hard it will be to leave and get over this man if you continue to stay involved.

You will also waste a lot of time and mental energy on a FWB situation, while the man meanwhile just smirks and can’t believe that you are willing to put up with it. In fact, he gets a big ego boost that he can have a couple of different attractive women on his carousel.  In fact, he may even date lower quality women than he can actually attract just so he can have a merry-go-round of variety and women who are willing to put up with his players dating tactics just to be with him. 

FWBs are not worth it because they waste time and are difficult to recover from

FWBs are not worth it.  Dating out of your league is emotionally dangerous and the longer you stay involved and invested the more emotionally damaged you will become.  Furthermore, the longer it will take to get over it.  It can take 6-8 months to get over being with a man like this for only 1-2 months!  It may seem like nothing but you would be surprised how fast a year of your life can get frittered away on a FWB man.

My advice is that if a man is not showing relationship signs that include calling you, spending day time with you, having you over and introducing you to his social circles, let him go.  Date a man like this only for a month and if he isn’t showing signs of being truly interested, just move on.  Another way FWB men string women along is becoming so busy that weeks slip by without them being able to see you.  Don’t fall for the string along ploy.  Usually you are getting strung along because there are other women like you crawling around in his life behind the curtain.  You just don’t know about each other.  If he can’t manage to find time for you on the weekend, just forget him.

Don’t assume that just because you run across a couple of FWB guys that all guys are like that.  You may be dating a bit out of your league or going after guys that have a lot of options and are just spoiled and enjoy gaming women because they can.  Some men really do want relationships even cute ones.  If you tool around on your own for a while, you will eventually meet someone new.  This is a much better idea than letting FWB situations linger on.  As long as you are getting stung along in a FWB situation and are hooked, you head will be stuck in the sand vis-a-vis meeting other eligible men.

Think of FWB situations as “I am going to get hurt” relationships.  The sooner you kick a guy like this to the curb the better.  Don’t be jeolous of the next women who replaces you either.  He was bound to meet her and would have met her even had you stuck around.  There will always be a replacement for you and that is exactly the point.  The sooner you can screen out men who are just after a strictly physical relationship from you the better.  If a man dupes you into getting intimate by acting very interested at the outset, then fizzles away, don’t beat yourself up.  Take it as a learning lesson to carefully screen fake losers with false intent out of your life. 

Having experienced a FWB experience is a drag however the upside is that it will teach you better discernment when it comes to getting involved with someone or giving your love to someone undeserving.  These relationships exact a large toll and you will pay the price guaranteed.  A strong woman will have solid boundaries and when a man mistreats her or when she finally sees the relationship is going nowhere she will choose her own self-respect over the man at hand no matter how great or tempting he may seem.  Men respect women who respect themselves, and men take advantage of women who don’t.  If all you are getting is a text message from a man, trust me he does not deserve your love.



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