So you’ve been dating a bit, you text, you’ve had some intimacy, and now he lowers the boom and tells you he is dating other women. Those three words, dating other women, are the ultimate buzz kill. At this point you realize you let things go too far but now you’ve developed feelings for him and want to win him over these other people he is seeing. So, how do you accomplish that? Let’s look at three possible approaches to this situation.
Deliver an ultimatum (usually a bad idea)
Once thing you can do is simply deliver an ultimatum. That means, you tell him that you want a boyfriend and if he can’t date only you then you are opting out of the picture. Of course this shows you have a healthy dose of self-respect but may not give you the solution you are looking for.
Even if he likes you, he isn’t going to accept being forced into a corner. He will likely either fight back and dump you, or make your life a living nightmare by dangling the other women around in his closet where you can’t be sure whether they are gone or still crawling in the woodwork.
Manipulate him with jealousy (usually a bad idea)
Here is another idea that might make him step up because he sees you slipping away, but likely won’t get you what you want either. This approach is to start manipulating and playing games. For example, playing hot and cold, trying to ignore him, dating other men, frolicking around with an ex boyfriend as payback, or otherwise trying to make him feel like he is about to lose you.
This is a bad approach because a man with high self-esteem and a self-worth will be able to see right through this trap. He will run in the other direction into the arms of a woman who is more warm and loving. It’s like setting yourself up for heartbreak to start-up with the games. An alpha man isn’t going to fall for your games anyways so why bother. Making him jealous, withholding sex, or getting with other men will not help. Pretending to be busy and trying to act mysterious probably won’t help either, because it’s not genuine and he will know it. The only person you’ll be hurting is yourself.
Fighting dirty (usually a bad idea)
Some women fight dirty. They might cut the other women down, make derogatory remarks about them, or even call them up and tell them to stay away. Any time you get into the boxing ring with the other women you are sabotaging yourself. You may not know it but you are. Men will feel totally attacked on a personal level if you cut down their choice of women.
Fighting dirty shows that you lack enough confidence in yourself. You are comparing yourself to another women. You are trying to push him into choosing you over her or them. If she is staying on the up and up and not cutting you down with scathing remarks, he is probably going to side with her not you. The minute you start saying bad things about other women is the minute you start devaluing yourself by stooping to their level and throwing mud. Trying to fight with the other women, cut them down or fend them off directly will totally backfire.
Step up your game (usually a very good idea)
The last idea is to simply step up your game and try to fight for your man as best you can. This is the toughest choice but if you don’t want to walk away, it’s your only choice with any chance of success. Delivering an ultimatum won’t work. Manipulating him won’t work. Fighting dirty won’t work. You have a choice between letting him know you are looking for a relationship and opting out early, or staying in the game and fighting for your man by stepping up your own game.
When faced with really tough competition, you need to be a woman. That means, be feminine, and keep your cool. You are either going to fight clean, or not at all. Fighting clean means just to remind him that you’re a unique woman and a good catch. You don’t just want to tell him by saying that these women have nothing over you. You want to show him.
You can show him that you are the one by knowing what makes this guy tick and catering to that part of him. Obviously all guys are different but you could become interested about whats important to him. Find out what he likes, what makes him laugh hard, and what gets him really excited. Try to get to know him on a deeper level. What keeps him up at night anyways. What is the thing that he cares about most?
By focusing on plugging in with him you can get closer to his core. This can definitely help to create an environment where he learns to open up. You can create an environment of enjoyment, intimacy, and passion. If he finds you as nurturing, fun, pleasurable, someone he can trust, and overall sees you as a loving person, this will go a long way to capturing his heart.
It’s hard sometimes to see yourself as a unique catch but don’t give up. If there are other women after your man it makes you feel insecure and wonder what about you would make you stand out from a crowd. Have confidence because guess what he did like you in the first place otherwise you wouldn’t be where you are with him. Also, remember that the other girl is not your enemy and may not even know you exist. She’s just your competition. As in any competition, the winner takes home the prize. That’s just the way it is.
If you want to compete and get the guy, put your best foot forward and show him your best side. Don’t give him ultimatums, don’t manipulate or try to make him jealous, and don’t resort to playing dirty. Keep your head up and show him the best of you. You’ll be fine. Hopefully he will see that you and him make the best fit. If it doesn’t work out, you know that you went down trying.