Dating a busy guy? He is always busy! busy, busy with work, busy for me, too busy for me…

Is your guy always busy?  Don’t you hate it when a guy acts too busy even to text you back a simple message?  It doesn’t take but a second to say hello you think to yourself.  Wait not so simple, there is usually more to his being busy all the time.   We know he has the cell phone and the fingers with which to type back a text message so obviously there is more to it than that.

He is always busy

Busy with work, busy with family, busy with friends, busy doing things, busy going out of town, busy online, busy dating other women, busy juggling girlfriends.  If your boyfriend paid attention to you at first but now never seems to spend time with you it can be seriously disconcerting.  There is no better way for you to start to feel insecure about your standing with him when he gets busy and stops paying the same attention to you.  If your boyfriend is always busy then this article will give ideas and suggestions about why that might be the case and how you can respond to that effectively.

Be careful girls because men value their time

Be careful ladies when you conclude that your boyfriend is too busy because a number one reason a man will break up with you is that you harp on him for being too busy.  Men are about ten times more possessive about their time than women.  If you go after him about being too busy all the time beware because you might drive him away tout suite.  Read below about what men think of their time and how they judge women who try to consume it too aggresively.

How men think

Men think its completely normal to spend a lot of time at his job and doing his thing.  As a guy, he is likely going to think there is nothing wrong with that.  Being busy? That’s normal to him. The minute you start punching needles into his time balloon and complaining he’s going to wonder what you’re doing with your time.  Do you want to be attacked for not having a job, not having a life, not having enough friends, or not having enough things to do?  Then complain about him being too busy!  Men expect you to have other interests besides just him and if you don’t he may not stick around for long.

Attention (at least in a man’s mind) does not equal to love.  A man views love as being unselfish and trusting.  That means, you’re unselfish about his time and trusting about how he’s spending it.  It’s almost the opposite of how women think which is that showering him with attention shows love.  Until you understand this you’re going to have a problem hanging onto an independent guy.  An independent guy thinks that true love is unselfish and trusting.

Before you make the mistake of trying to fix him or harp on his time, ask yourself if you are doing enough with your own time.  Obviously if you love each other and want to spend time with one another it is going to require a mutual effort.  But it probably isen’t healthy to expect him to text you several times a day and call you several times.  That’s insecurity, not love.  He’ll start to wonder what your self worth is and if you have any self esteem at all if you become needy like that.

The first thing you need to do is realize that getting after a man about his time is a potential mine field for your relationship.  Before you go there, figure out if your expectations out of the relationship are realistic.  You might be unreasonable with your demands.  Odds are that if you are complaining that he is always busy then you really aren’t busy enough yourself.

What you see initially in the short term is not the status quo

Women always make comments that he paid so much attention to me at first and now he does not.  So they wonder why things peter out and get obsessed with how or where things went wrong.  This isen’t the way to look at it.  In the short term, you can expect to get more attention from a guy.  Butterflies and the initial spark of meeting make him give you tons of attention however don’t expect this to go on forever.  Eventually you’ll get to the status quo.  In the initial stages of dating you have to go in assuming you’ll get more attention in the beginning.  That way you’ll know that when things settle down into status quo.  The status quo stage is the point at which you’ll know how much time he’s really deciding to put into you.

Take it or leave it because nagging and complaining won’t help

Some things are easy to get a man to do and other things are harder.  The busy thing is one of those traits that it is really going to be an uphill battle to change him.  He’s unlikely to do a total 180 on his modus operandi with you and nagging him will just drive him away faster.  Observing as opposed to complaining is the best strategy to employ. Once you see how much time a guy will devote to you (after the honeymoon phase is over and you’re seeing the real him in his every day mode of operation) you sort of need to decide if that works for you or not. 

You can always talk to your guy to let him know that you expect more effort plain and simple.  Then just see if he adjusts what he is doing.  The point is not to harp on him and instead merely watch how he runs the relationship.  Actions speak louder than words so take promises with a grain of salt and watch what he is actually doing.  He’s giving what he’s giving and if you don’t like it you have to be willing to walk away. 

A one time comment letting him know that you feel that he isen’t going out of his way for you from time to time is all you need to clue him in.  Just tell him.  Then let him do what he is going to do.  If that’s enough for you then continue to date and if that is not enough for you then consider looking for other dating options.

You can always try the tactic of being understanding and making the time you spend special when he decides to throw you that time crumb.  But this will usually run up resentment in you and it might keep you around as an option for him but eventually you’re going to blow your top.  That’s why if he says he’s busy then girl don’t call him.  Get busy yourself and forget about his stories and excuses.  Whatever you do don’t fight with him about it.

If you back off and vacate the premises yourself when he’s busy you’ll create an unexpected vacuum for him and he’ll notice.  He’ll try to fill it.  Guys are always able to last longer than women in the no contact mode.  They will outlast you every time.  They can busy themselves for days and weeks but eventually they do come around.  If you aren’t waiting around like a doormat he’ll realize he’s not paying enough attention and he will make time for you if he cares. 

Make him realize he is in jeopardy of losing you

An effective strategy to deal with a busy guy is to be understanding up to a point.  Don’t nag him over it.  But at the same time work hard to get busy with your own life.  He’ll notice the vacuum that your backing off creates.  You may even want to pursue other activities and even other dating options.  If he realizes he could be in jeopardy of losing you it will be more effective than nagging him.  Men respond more to how they feel not what they hear out of you.  Complaining verbally is ineffective.  Leave him alone and let him emotionally feel like you’re not there as his doormat.  That’s when he’ll start to realize that he’s lucky to have you and show you more appreciation.  It has to come from his feelings and not out of your mouth or via your text message chidings about him always being too busy for you.

Remember that old adage that women fall in love in the presence of a man and men fall in love in the absense of a woman.  If he’s busy then don’t call or text him and go about taking care of your own life instead.


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3 Responses to Dating a busy guy? He is always busy! busy, busy with work, busy for me, too busy for me…

  1. Pixie1969 says:

    Excellent post. Certainly opened my eyes up. I started dating my boyfriend a couple of months ago. His Vice President and a financial director of a large bank. First month he showered me with attention. Which I was surprised at considering his very very stressful and busy job After the initial honeymoon period wore off he still contacted me once or twice a day or perhaps every other day but gone were the all day long conversations. First thing I did was panic and tried to bridge the gap, texting him asking if he was still into me, that’s never going to work, everything in life that you chase runs away, so I did the hardest thing ever I took a step back after reading this post and realised that men respond to no contact not words. I did a disappearing act for a few days when I did surface I told him I’d been snowed under with a project at work. He’s now a little bit more attentive but it’s never going to be as it was in the beginning we’ve settled into a nice rhythm and I’m much more chilled and as a result the relationship is working out fine. Hope this post helps you ladies.

    • admin says:

      Great comment. The initial flurry of texting can’t be expected to go on forever. Someone is bound to tone it down. You either adapt to it and wind up in a normal sustainable pattern, or blow it by feeling the pullback and getting upset over it. So smart of you to take a step back and mellow out! Good luck…

      • Molly says:

        Omg. I’m right smack dab in the middle of this very thing. I’ve been pretty relaxed w my very busy guy but starting to get worried that he’s not as into me because of the slowing texts. Today I just refused to send any message and by noon he called. I’m supposed to go see him tomorrow but am not going to contact him at all seeing as I sent a nice no pressure text tonight. I’m backing off due to reading this despite him saying no games and he wants a relationship. We shall see how it goes. Thanks

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