He only talks to me by text

If he only talks to you by text then you have to understand that you are not dating, you are not with him, you are not in a relationship, and he is not yours. It’s exactly as it sounds, he only talks to you by text. Recognize the word “only” which is the key. If there are other communication channels open like phone calls and real life dates then texting is fine. But only text? Not good.

One of the hallmark behaviors of a man that only talks to you by text is that he is establishing a casual relationship with you. Casual relationships usually involve a minimum of phone calls. It’s called casual for a reason, and he tries to establish casual by having the bulk of communication conducted on text. Dates are also at a minimum in these types of non relationships and you’ll see that sex only relationships often go hand in hand with text only relationships.

Don’t enable him to only text you

If he only talks to you by text you might be enabling the behavior. Here are a few ideas to flip him onto the right path. First of all, talk to him less than he is talking to you on text. If he is only texting you, then make sure what ever you text back is less that what he is texting you. That way, you are still responding on text yet making it hard for him to get anywhere with you.

Text back less

If you make it hard to get anywhere with you, he might pick up other communication methods. In other words, if he texts you what’s up then don’t give him a long winded answer and engage him. Give him less text. Say, not much. In other words, respond but respond less that way you are shutting down the text channel on him nicely and you can see whether he picks up another method of communication.

Don’t make plans by text

Another tactic to see if you can flip him into communicating with you in a better or alternate way than text is to not allow plans to happen via text message. In other words, if he texts you “wanna hang out later” then say something like, “not sure” or “not sure call me”. In otherwords, become vacuous and unable to actually make plans with him on text message. If he wants plans with you, force him out of the dark cover of text and onto the actual phone.

Ignore or delay responding to his texts

A more strong tactic than responding to texts is to blatantly ignore him thus making it impossible for him to jump off from texting you to seeing you. You can start to diss him but don’t be surprised if he mimics the behavior and disses you back.

Only do this if you are prepared to let him go. You can experiment with ignoring his texts totally or not bothering to respond until days later. Be sporadic and unreliable on text. This is more higher level game playing and sending him a clear message. It can work if you are an alpha female but it may wind up driving him away or encouraging him to wander away.

Confront him gently

The best idea and probably the most effective is to confront him directly and gently with the truth. You could let him know that you like texts but want to get to know him better by phone or other means and not just text.

You could set a boundry that you don’t want to plan dates via a text message. Boundries are meaningless unless you mean business. So just remember that if you set a boundry you’ll want to enforce it otherwise the boundry becomes moot.

Be forewarned that if he is trying to set you up for a casual relationship that setting a simple boundry may cause him to walk. Don’t be surprised if he fades away. It won’t be because of anything you did and it will be because he just wasn’t into you enough to call you up using his fingers in the first place.

Mirror him

If you have the stomach for it, you can try mirroring his behavior. In other words, if he seems to want the relationship to hang by a text only thread then just let it. In this scenario, you are keeping him around as an option just like he seems to be doing with you.

This usually does not work for women because they tend to get emotoinally tied up with one man. If you have the tolerance for it though, you can establish a casual friendship and if he wants to toy around with you on text then just toy around right back with him on text. Meet him at his own low level but be sure not to give him more than he is giving you (and don’t expect more either).

If you are hung up on this guy then allowing yourself to be strung along as a text buddy is a big time waster. On the other hand, if you have options and other guys that are into you, then stringing him along by text could work out ok. Why cut him off if you can handle it. He may come around at some point.


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