Help! We’re dating but lately they rarely call or text me!

Have you ever been a situation where you are dating somebody (a man or woman) the chemistry is there for you and you thought things were going pretty well, but over time you notice a slow drop off in contact?  The person you are dating claims to be busy all the time and you buy this explanation? This is very common. A slackening of interest can be easily confused or rationalized. You make excuses such as a) oh they are just busy like they say or b) maybe we are settling down after the initial flurry into a more natural pattern of communication.

While its true that being busy, and being past the initial butterflies will change the contact frequency, it won’t change it that much to the point where you only hear from this person once a week or every few weeks. Is someone likes you, even if they are busy or the butterflies have settled down, they are going to want to talk to you every day or few days for sure. If they were doing so and now they are not, don’t delude yourself. Don’t let months slip by rationalizing a precipitous drop in contact hoping it will go back to the way it was the first few weeks you dated. Don’t live in a fantasy world.

Many women and also men who are slowly being dropped start to rationalize that they are not being dropped. They kid themselves into believing that a near total drop off in communication means that the relationship is just getting past that initial flurry. They tell themselves, it’s OK. Things are just settling down with us and he or she is busy. They believe all the excuses and even make excuses up for the other person! Don’t kid yourself please. If a person had the time to contact you frequently during the initial dating stages, they still have time to do so after the initial dating stages.

A precipitous drop in contact level usually does mean a slackening in interest on their end. There is usually a solid reason why communication drops, only the person may not openly disclose that reason to you but rather hope that you get the hint. Worse yet, they really don’t care if you get the hint or not because their mind is elsewhere. If you find yourself wondering why the phone calls slowly turned into text messages which slowly turned into hardly no contact at all, this article is for you. You’re looking for answers. Here are a few answers as to why someone may be dropping contact with you over time.

They already have someone that they know, care about and are involved with

The most common reason they may be fizzling is that they already have someone. People can take a break from whomever they are with for example if they are fighting or temporarily broken up. During these down and out periods of their primary relationship then they go out and date and meet you. You get involved initially but when it comes down to it, they are already with someone and not yet done with that someone. This person might date you for a while since they are temporarily broken up with their ex, but eventually fizzle on you, make up with their ex, and drift off into the sunset.

After getting to know you, they realize that are not the one

Sometimes a person will date you and through out the course of exploring you simply decide that you are not the one. You are not the woman or man for them. No matter how hard you try or think you can accommodate them and change, they don’t care. You can’t make them happy because their mind concludes you aren’t it. It can be millions of reasons that you don’t even know about. It could be your appearance, your family, your life or financial situation, your job, your friends, your ethnicity, your age, habits you have that bother them, things you do that they’ve asked you to stop and you don’t stop, and so on. You aren’t the one so they fizzle and continue to see you but are mentally fading out and scoping out the new dating horizon.

They are busy, talking to multiple someone else’s

Some people are not in a mode for commitment and no matter what you do they are not going to stop what they are doing for you. And what they are doing for you is dating around. Sure there might be a model or millionaire that will knock their socks off and be able to yank them off the singles scene, but you aren’t showing signs of being it.

A person in this mode is going to be really interested in you when you first become involved with an agenda of getting to know you and becoming intimate. After that they have no agenda so they will then start to fizzle. If they were on a dating site for example, they will continue to date. This is sort of the like the plane that at least got started taxi-ing around the run way but it never really takes off. Why? Because they don’t want it to. What usually happens is that you become frustrated sensing that you are getting blown off and then they use your neediness as a perfect excuse to see you less and less until they aren’t seeing you at all.

They are dating other people and you’re another on the roster

Sometimes you meet a person who likes to have more than one girlfriend at a time. In this case the person will maintain contact with you and they may even like you, but they are not going to become your boyfriend or girlfriend or be exclusive. You may not know there is more than one of you for months. But there is. Eventually you’ll get the drift because they will run out of excuses about their availability.

After they’ve enjoyed the overlapping of two boyfriends (or girlfriends) and you press them on the issue of why they never get in touch with you as much, they will usually come clean. It will be the I don’t want to get serious or exclusive right now. At that point you have the option to continue seeing them or not. It’s a take it or leave it offer. They are willing to leave a slot on their roster if you’re willing. Meanwhile, they are happily meeting and dating other people and there may even be a few of you they see, depending on how lucky they are getting.

You’ve been formally downgraded to fallback girl or guy and you nevertheless allowing it to continue

This is when you’ve been fizzled on, had the conversation, know you aren’t going to be exclusive, and then choose to accept it and continue seeing the person when it is convenient for them. The gig is up and you know what you are getting into. This is when you are seriously wasting important time because you’ve just become the fallback girl or guy. You’re someone they see when availability is mutual but they have no intention of winding up with you.

You’ll only hear from them when a potential get together is suggested but other than that you won’t be part of their life.  Men will usually suggest that you hang out together, thereby skipping having to plan or spend money on a date .  Women will usually suggest doing something platonic that she wants to do and avoid intimate settings.  Whether you’re being set up to being downgraded to the friends with benefits, or the platonic pal to have plans with when there is nothing better to do, becoming the fallback person is usually hurtful and the relationship will end when resentment builds up enough to start a fight that finishes it.

If you accept being the fallback person then its best to be aggressively looking around and meeting others the entire time you are. Trust me that they are actively doing the same. You’ll be on their roller coaster of love and as soon as they find someone new you are likely to be ruthlessly and quickly ditched with the disclaimer of, I told you I would never commit to you.

They don’t care how you feel

Once a person fizzles and is actively seeking others, they are going to care less and less about you and your well being. Ergo, less frequent phone calls then less frequent text messages. Sometimes these new relationships they wander off into don’t work out so they might reappear and feel a smidgen of guilt that they have blown you off. Their conscience catches up with them. But these lucid moments are fleeting and nothing you should hang your hat on.

Usually a fizzle is what it is. It is fizzling. The best thing to do is not try to get closer to them or chase after them. Instead, watch out for yourself. Rather than harangue them and drive them away, figure out whether you can handle continuing to see someone that is only mildly interested in you or not. Stay at your own risk of getting hurt, or opt out. Date other people or make positive changes in your life so that when the right one appears (who will want to hang out with you, call you every day and associate with your friends and family) you’ll be ready.

Date other people because they most certainly are doing so already

It’s the cold hard truth, but women and men need to see the writing on the wall when a relationship starts to fizzle. If you’re a women then his slow fizzle typically means that he wants to continue an intimate relationship with you if you willing but not become more involved. If you’re a man and you experience the slow fizzle it usually means that she is not interested in you but views you as a friend or just a date that at least gets her out of the house and doing something.

Fizzling relationships rarely start to sizzle ever again. That’s why they call it fizzle, because it is. If he or she went from seeing you often to seeing you less and less often, to calling you less, to texting you less, you are in a fizzle. Ask yourself this simple question. If I never initiated a phone call or text message to them, would I ever even hear from them again?


This entry was posted in Dating and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *