How can I become more than a booty-call to him?


This is a common dating question, especially for women who find themselves stuck in the never-never land of text message based relationships.  Casual relationships that involve communication by text message, hanging out without dates, and seeing eachother only at one or either of your homes, lead nowhere good.  Men who like women for real have no problem going out into the world with them and enjoy then in the daylight.  If you never breathe fresh air with him, think twice.  The answer here as to how not to be a booty-call is not too friendly, and you may not like what you hear, but here goes.

Leave him and don’t look back, then you won’t be one anymore

If you notice a man treating you like a booty-call and nothing more, the best way to become more than a booty-call is to quite simply, leave him.  Leave that man.  Stop communicating.  Cut him off.  This will be hard and it may involve being single for a while, with nobody.  But it is the best way to avoid getting locked into this go-nowhere hooking up situation where you will lose all your self-respect.  Women who are not booty-calls, are women who do not allow themselves to become them.  That means, they pass on some men and voluntarily opt out the second they figure out that they are not being treated well.

Know when you are one, by seeing (rather than ignoring) the red flags

The sooner you know that a man is treating you this way, the better.  That way, you can nip things in the bud.  In the world of texts, you might pin hopes and dreams on a guy that just texts you every once in a while, shows up on your doorstep for some action, and babbles about taking it slow or how he isn’t into being in a relationship that constrains him.  When you hear these types of comments from men and their behavior is largely text every once in a while and hang out, its booty-call.  The sooner you recognize where he is heading you, is the sooner you can jump ship and become more than that, even if it means being alone for a while and enduring the pain of watching him move on.

Having enough self respect, to leave

Having self-respect really helps you avoid these dating situations.  If you have self-respect you will put yourself above you being treated like dirt, even if means being single and either sitting home alone or hitting the dreary dating pavement again.  The biggest reason that girls get into booty-horrible set ups is because they think the guy is amazing and out of their league, and they want the guy so bad that they will put up with any sort of treatment just to be around him.  They continue to see him because they are smitten, and the longer that goes on, the more hooked on him they get.  It all leads to psycho.  Guess what, this simply feeds his ego and trashes your own.  The longer you stay involved with a guy who is not into you as girlfriend material, the more abused you will get.  Women with self-respect will leave even the most tempting of guys in order not to get used.  Women with self-respect will not let themselves be taken advantage of, even by the cutest of temptation carrot drool hot guys.

Salvaging it with him by being savvy and having boundaries

Some girls smell the booty-call treatment coming, and they stick to their guns to avoid getting railroaded down that track.   If they have a backbone, maybe they can salvage it with him.  Once he texts you in the middle of the night, or tries to get a last-minute date or otherwise treats you like the back up plan, you hit him out of the park by refusing to cooperate with his plan.  After all, most men are romantically interested in sex without commitment and they will go for it and feel no shame.  They won’t even sugarcoat it!  So, your job is to see the red flags and draw the line.  Down boy.

OK, so there is mutual attraction.  Now, you turn things around.  If he drunk texts you in the middle of the night, you don’t bother to respond but let him know the next day that you are up for doing something in the day time.  That is called leading him, leading him to good behavior that is.  If he follows willingly, you may be able to salvage a guy that’s just texting and testing out your boundaries.  Some girls can rehab a guy into better behavior because they lead by example, and refuse to be mistreated or bamboozled by him.  The guy learns that in order to be around her, he has to behave.

And, when he commits to the next girl?

Leaving a guy who treats you poorly and uses you can be rather depressing, especially if you are in love with him.  Expect to feel crummy for a couple of months at least.  Don’t cave in and go back out of loneliness because you will be going back to a go-nowhere situation that will burn up your time.  Cheer yourself up be understanding that he would have left you anyways once he met someone he was more interested in, so you are simply saving yourself wasted time.

When he waggles off and commits to the next girlfriend and gives her seemingly everything that he refused to give you, it can hit you like a ton of bricks.  You might start to hate on yourself and feel like if you had stayed and fought for him, this would not have happened.  Wrong.  It is so important to realize that if he was treating you this way, he was not truly interested in you.  So, it stands to reason he would continue to enjoy your company while looking for someone he really was interested in.  Therefore, when he finds that someone he is really interested in, don’t be surprised.  He was looking, and certainly not committing to you.  So, he found.

Is she better than you?

So did he start to treat the new girl better than you, and therefore you write in the question how can I avoid this, and get the guy, like she did?  Try not to trip.  She may have been better than you in ways you had literally no control over!  Maybe she had more money, maybe she lived in his area and fit into his life better, maybe she was younger, maybe he just saw a better fit, maybe she had more spare bedrooms, maybe she paid for all his stuff.  Maybe she gave him a free phone or made dinner for him every night.  Maybe she lived close by to him.  Maybe she could offer him a much better lifestyle.  Maybe she helped him career wise. 

Chances are he felt some level of genuine comfort and emotional attraction with her that he did not feel with you. He could have liked you, but really loved her and viewed her as a better long term match.

The point is that he simply may not have viewed you as a long-term potential partner, so he was still looking on the sly and then he met her. Women who leave men and don’t look back, do much better than women who sink into obsession over what he is up to now and with whom. Don’t look back, and don’t bother to compare unless of course you want to learn something.

The best thing to do is realize that sometimes, you don’t get the guy you wanted.  Someone else does.  That’s life.  Maybe she was younger, with less baggage.  He might have been looking for certain specific things, that you just didn’t have.  Are you going to beat yourself up about it?  Chances are that there were many reasons other than just your personality.  You can’t reach into his head and figure it all out.  You definitely should not hate yourself.   It is depressing but it makes little sense to sit around obsessing about it.  Do you obsess over why Angelina Jolie has Brad Pitt?  No, of course you don’t.  And that is how you have to view him, as just some random cute guy who is simply not with you.  Disconnect.  If he didn’t want to be with you it matters very little who he is with now or what he is up to.  The sooner you forget about his wonderful little love life and turn the focus back onto improving yourself and your life, the better.  He’s her problem now.

Avoid the booty-call relationship

           

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