How jealousy can start arguments, spur breakups, and cause excessive text messaging in romantic relationships

Jealousy sucks but it’s here to stay. Think about the climate of dating and the fact that Internet dating has become a mainstream of dating and method for meeting people.  The bonus of Internet dating is that you can get the opportunity to meet people you never would have come across otherwise.  But there is a dark side.  Dating has a certain level of anonymity to it.  You’re meeting someone from a different quadrant of town and if anything goes wrong you can easily discard them from your life and never have to see them again.  Just lose the number. It is this separateness of lives that intersect in Internet dating that makes it so easy for mean, dismissive treatment to happen.

Worse than the ability to reject people by ignoring them or just losing their number and never seeing them again, is the polyamory aspect of Internet dating.  Internet dating can in essence be viewed as a polyamory paradigm which is extremely difficult for people to deal with.  You could be dating someone who is ready, willing and able to meet other people besides just you right under your nose.  Poly’s are people who do multiple relationships and their ultimate goal is not to do jealousy.  While some people can handle it, others just can’t sustain a relationship when there is underlying jealousy as to what their partner is up to.

With Internet dating you have to have nerves of steel. You have to be able to handle that you and your partner may be out there meeting other people regularly. If you let chemistry take over you might get involved with someone too quickly then panic once you realize they are still active online meeting others. Internet dating is a landmine for jeolousy and crazy texting from being jealous. Internet relationships are often handled by text message.

There is a reason why dating experts tell you not to get involved with anyone before you’ve really talked about your status.  You don’t want to be shell-shocked after intimacy when the other person reveals they have no intention of taking their profile down of the net.   Many people out there do not equate sex with a relationship.  They equate sex to sex. 

Jealousy and text messaging

Jealousy should be a healthy thing.  It’s a human emotion and if you didn’t have it then that wouldn’t be good either.  It can be a useful tool because the emotions of jealousy tell us that we really care for someone.  The problem is that if we are jealous it can mean that our needs really are not being met in the relationship.  If the partner is wiling to have open discussion about reasons for jealousy and how to help one another adjust to it then it can be a productive thing.

If however, one person is jealous and the other person is not concerned, then insecurities can arise in the jealous person.  She (or he) is going to get overcome with emotions such as fear of loss, fear of rejection, and magnified perception of their own flaws.  If the two people in the relationship do nothing about working to resolve the root of the issue then the relationship will start to fall apart. 

It could be that one person just isen’t interested enough in the other to stop dating and pursuing other opportunities.  So, they are not interested in making changes to help the other jealous person out.  Usually, they start to opt out of the relationship instead because it starts to feel like a sticky mess to them and they don’t wish to get roped into anything against their will.

The jealous person who is left behind still likes them so they feel abandoned.  If they see their partner still dating, ignoring them, or backing away it just feeds the insecurities even more.  This is when the jealous person can experience more severe emotions such as resentment, anger, envy, and other even more ugly alternatives.  Because they are getting hurt they start to blame and criticise the partner who is backing away. 

The more backing away they feel, the more they try to engage.  They really want to get the person back into their arms but all they succeed in doing is ending the relationship for good by becoming unglued.  Unhealthy texting can be spurred on by serious jealousy and fear of being dumped and rejected.  Rejection can spur anger so then the rejected person might start texting about everything they felt the other person was doing that was mean, insensitive and wrong. 

The rejected person is still trying to engage and the rejecting person is just trying to get away.  If you feel yourself stuck in the trap of being either the reject-or or the rejectee it can be a horrible predicament.  Usually the rejected has to come to a place where they realize nothing that they say or do can make another person want to be with them.  They can try to come up with possible solutions but ultimately, if someone doesn’t want to be with them there is nothing they can do.  You can’t strong arm a person into a relationship.  It can take time and many efforts (and text messages) to come to this realization for the rejected.  They may even have to go through different stages of grief to resign themselves that the relationship isen’t working out.

Many different types of jealousy exist.  At the root of the jealousy may be a relationship that just isen’t working out.  One of the persons needs are not getting met and the other person’s interest level may be two low.  If the two people want to work at it then solutions can be found however if one party wants to opt out there is no way to fix it.  Be careful before allowing jealousy to run rampant.  It can lead to psycho text messages, anger, fear and rejection.  A relationship that is on the brink of succeeding or failing may be tipped to failure if you text out of control messages. 

Having jealous emotions is totally understandable it’s just that one has to work at controlling them.  You must learn to control the jealousy and don’t let the jealousy control you.


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