One-itis is the so called nightmare dating dilemma where you get stuck on a single person and start believing they are the one even though the feelings are not returned. The belief becomes so strong that it is usually to the total detriment of the relationship. Usually oneitis refers to a man who gets terminally stuck on a girl and can’t get over her. The infatuation and often inability for the man to get over her and their breakup leads to a form of obsession. Oneitis can also happen to women, when they become obsessed with one particular man. They get so infatuated with the man that they start acting like the man themselves, chasing and following the object of their affection relentlessly.
If you can’t stop texting you might have a case of oneitis
People who start to obsessively text to the point where they are inadvertently harassing someone often have a case of oneitis underlying the text problem. It’s essentially unrequited love. If you have love for a girl who doesn’t return the same feelings, it becomes a totally painful experience. You just can’t get over the person and become fixated on figuring out what to say, do or tell them to make fall in love with you. Usually these relationships wind up unhappily crashing and burning. One person is obsessed and the other person is just trying to get away from them.
One of the biggest signs of oneitis is when you start nonstop texting someone who has told you that they are not interested in you. What is happening is that the obsession you have for the person, either getting together with them, stopping a breakup, or getting back together with them, clouds your judgement. You can’t realize you driving the person away from relentlessly chasing them and bothering them. In many cases the two people actually did have feelings for one another at one point, and it’s the very nature of the nonstop contact that destroys the chances of it working!
Text message becomes the main conduit through which someone with oneitis contacts their girlfriend (or exgirlfriend). If they were to call this person she (or he) would probably screen the phone call out and not answer. Even calling from a restricted number won’t work for long because the person trying to avoid them will stop answering all calls that they can’t recognize the caller id for. Once the phone calls get screened out to voice mail or hangups, texting becomes the main artery for still contacting the person. Since you have your mobile phone glued at your side and you know their mobile phone is glued at theirs, it’s a great way to state your case with the person you are text torturing unable to stop you. This can go on for months until finally a person when they get fed up enough blocks your cell phone number out with the cell phone carrier so that your calls get ignored. That, or they change their phone numbers. When it comes to cell phones people are slow to block numbers or change their number. Some carriers allow you to block a specific number but others don’t. Once you have a contact list build up and important people in your life know your number, it’s a major headache to change it. So, the person with oneitis tends to be able to get away with and through with the texts until they finally give up and go away, get blocked, or get threatened with legal consequences like a restraining order.
Cure the oneitis and you’ll cure the texting addiction
If you are obsessively texting a lover or ex lover, and your text addiction is linked directly to texting one individual, you might have oneitis. If you work on curing the oneitis you’ll make headway on curing your texting addiction problem. Likewise, if you can break your texting addiction problem it can help you get on a path to getting over her and curing your oneitis.
Oneitis and the scarcity theory, and why you need to think abundance instead
The main cure for oneitis is to cut contact with the oneitis person, take a break if needed to get acclimated to life sans her, and then date other people. But more than steps to be taken, its critical to recognize that the object of your obsession is not the only girl in the world.
The theory is that you get obsessed on the notion that she’s the one. And when you compare her (or him) to other potential partners you put them on an idealized pedestal. You think, this girl is different from all other girls, she’s the one, she’s not like them, I’ll be miserable for the rest of my life without her, I have to make up because I’ll never be in love again if I don’t, and so on. Men who get severe oneitis are often the ones who got broken up with after a long term relationship or cheated on repeatedly. They become so obsessed over that one girl who broke their heart.
The way to cure yourself of oneitis is to not only give yourself time to heal and space away from her (that means not texting her), but to recognize there are lots of other girls. The same goes for women that have oneitis and texting obsession over a man. He is not the only man in the world that can be potentially right for her. When you think you’ve found that one perfect person and never will come across any like her, you are living by a scarcity mentality. That means that your mindset is focused on how there is a fixed resource pool of women and you get panic stricken then frantic that if you miss your chance with her there will not be another one of her.
What you need to do instead of thinking constantly in terms of her rarity and the scarcity of other girls like her, is to think in terms of abundance. You have to continually explore and adopt an abundance mentality instead. That means to assume that there is an infinite resource pool of available partners to fall in love with. She is not the only girl in the world. There are millions more of her waiting for you but you just have not given your self a chance to meet them yet. Men who get lots of women and multiple girlfriends that they can’t even get rid of, operate using an abundance mentality. If one girl breaks up on them or cheats on them they know there are 50 more like her in their town alone. If one girl won’t date him dozens more will. For every pretty girl, there are scores of girls just as pretty. For every girl with a great personality, there are ten more girls who also have a great personality. For every girl that you fall in love with, there are scores more that you could fall in love with. Amazingly since they never sat their hat on one girl, they get more girls that they can handle. Why? Because it builds attraction not to be needy or hung up on one girl only.
A woman who gets oneitis on a particular man can have a really hard time adopting the abundance mentality and part of that can do with her biological time clock. If she wants to get married and have children for example and sees the pool of marriage material guys dwindling then she’ll start to panic and feel the scarcity set in, thinking this guy has to be it or I’ll never meet any one in time to have a family. Older single women also get frantic and scarcity oriented because they feel like all the men in their dating pool are taken or want younger women. As women age issues of their biological time clock can add to their obsession over not becoming a spinster. Instead of having an abundance mentality they panic, get frantic, and get the scarcity mentality which repulses men. When they latch needily on to this one man who they think is the one, then he rejects her, they flip out.
The Oneitis cure
To set about curing your oneitis and by proxy, your addiction to texting him or her incessantly, try to follow these suggestions.
No contact. Try not to contact, be around, or text your oneitis person. Whether it’s a girl that you don’t know but are infatuated with, or your best friend, it’s good to get some space and distance from your target. If you are constantly orbiting around that person, like for example if you remain friends after a breakup and see her all the time, it can make oneitis even worse. It’s like having a carrot constantly dangled in front of your face. If you can get some space and physical distance and not contact her it can help. Orbiting around her and continuing to text and communicate with her tends to make it worse. If you become just friends and she still uses you for emotional support its going to be too hard to detach your feelings. You don’t have to never see the person again, but you could avoid all unnecessary contact with them at least while you’re obsession is still active.
Date other people. Some dating coaches recommend duty dating. That means just getting out and dating to get your mind off it, even if you don’t particularly like the new people you are going on dates with. I find this advice really hard to follow however. In fact, being stuck on one person and then dating someone you really don’t like at all but you’re just forcing yourself out with, can backfire. So while the coaches recommend duty dating I’d say date if a good opportunity arises and its someone you actually are interested in. I personally feel that if you get too disappointed in your new dates you might come home after a lousy date and have a bad case of oneitis and start texting your ex and begging them to take you back in a fit of tears and frustration. Duty dating too soon before you feel ready is therefore not always the best approach. Dating new people that you are genuinely excited to go out with is good for you though. The best way to replace a guy you really like is to go out with another guy you really like.
Get other stuff done. If you don’t have good dating opportunity and don’t want to force yourself onto unwanted dates and invest a bunch of time, you could just try to get other things in your life accomplished for a while. If you get busy then those obsessive feelings you harbor for your ex will at least be assuaged by being otherwise occupied with you accomplishing tasks. If your oneitis broke up with you then the less time you have to sit around fantasizing, idealizing, and putting her on a pedestal you have the better. Don’t feel like dating yet? Do other things. Get your house in order, job change done, beauty or medical treatment you’ve been putting off, junk taken care of. The more you accomplish during your down time the less bitter and better off you’ll be.
Adapt to being alone. Instead of thinking you need to go out and replace the person it can help to just shun relationships at least for a little while. In other words, just deal with being alone and taking care of your own business for a while. This feels miserable for usually a few months time. But after that, you’ll get a sense of peace and quiet. You’ll find you have more time to do really stupid stuff like watch t.v. go to the gym, see movies, or get a beauty treatment or whatever. Pretty soon you won’t even hate being alone as much. You’ll sort of get into the alone zone. Think of it like relationship detox. You have to detox from one before feeling good enough to go out and get into another one. You may think that this wastes too much valuable time if settling down is what you’re after. But in reality it could waste less time, because you avoid getting into time wasting rebound relationships with people you aren’t going to fall in love with, but got with just to fill the void. It does not kill you to take a little time off from dating until you get into it again naturally. You should evolve organically into wanting to meet new people rather than forcing yourself out of sheer depression or desperation.
Keep your eyes peeled for new opportunities. Maybe you don’t want to go out and hustle to meet new people on the one hand. On the other hand, don’t go into total hiding in your house closet. Make sure to get out and about sometimes so that if an opportunity just happenstances right into your lap you are there for it to happen. Just keep your eyes open to new possibilities.
Believe it or not, some of the biggest players, ladies men and seductively attractive women (black widows) are the ones who have gotten their hearts massively broken before. They manage to cure their oneitis episode of unrequited love and go on to meet tons of new people. Part of your future dating success could be attributed to wanting to learn from the pain of this experience and to never become that hooked on or obsessed over another person again. You’ll have a stronger sense of self and be more independent. Now it may take you a while to find another mate that is perfect for you, but you can have an adventure looking. By the way, the very minute you get over your case of oneitis and text addiction, your exloved one might actually start to miss you! Isen’t it funny how that works.