How to act when he pulls back

A withdrawal or pulling back behavior from your man is always disconcerting but depending on how you handle it, you can make it through that awkward period when he pulls back on you.  Here are some tips for surviving his pulling back on the relationship.

Keep your cool

It is very common for a man you are dating to pull back after you have been dating a few weeks or a few months.  For one thing, the perfect behavior and slushy machine adrenaline that was operating at the outset of a relation cannot be expected to last forever.  If he was texting you 10xs a day don’t expect that sort of devotion  to continue.  His emotional battery is never going to remain charged that high, and he will start to focus back on things like his life, responsibilities and job.

Eventually real life sets in and he is not going to be plastered all over you.  So accept that some pullback can be perfectly normal since its essentially a pull back to reality.  The way to handle this is to temper your enthusiastic texts down to match him.  So long as there is a ping-pong back and forth were he texts you texts he texts, you should be OK.

Don’t psycho-analyze

Try not to obsess over the situation but go with it instead.  The more you over analyze his every move the more obsessive you act and the more obsessive you become.  Your vibe will spill over to him and he will pick up on your weird behavior.  He won’t like it.  Your goal should be to keep your cool at all costs.

Some girls can keep their cool for a few weeks during a pullback, but eventually they blow their stack and either send a bunch of needy bizarre texts or get angry or do something to blow the relationship.  Don’t let that happen.  If you feel like a cannon about to explode make sure to keep a lid on it.  Eventually when the timing is right and you are completely calm you will have an opportunity to talk to him, but this should not transpire on text messaging. 

The minute you relegate relationship discussions to text message is the minute your relationship does not exist (except on text message).  Be careful not to relegate your own self to a text message relationship by initiating or engaging in relationship discussions via text messages.

Create your own space

Create your own space by keeping yourself busy within your own life.  Do the things you used to do before he existed in your life or take on other productive activities to keep yourself engaged.  You might feel like he is pulling back but if you keep your cool during such periods you may be pleasantly surprised.  He will be happy to reconnect with you and he will also be happy that he doesn’t have to hold your hand at every second for you to be happy.

Men aren’t always operating like women and they aren’t your gossip buddy or mommy or daddy or girlfriend.  Take control of your own personal time so that when he does reconnect with you its a positive experience for him.  That will help rejuvenate the relationship and keep it going too.  If you have great energy, great connection, and a vibrant personality he will be back.

Talk to him

Rather than texting him about it or blowing your stack and sending a bunch of crazy sounding texts where you beat yourself up and accuse him of not doing what he is supposed to, hold off.  Hold off for the right opportunity to talk to him in a blame free, productive manner. 

For example when you get together you can let him know that when he pulls away you feel lonely and actually miss him.  You can also let him know how you are going to use the time to do productive things.  Let him know that you are making an effort to be more independent and stronger so that you aren’t affected by his pulling back.  If you can keep your emotional cool he is going to take notice and categorize you differently than the typical female who goes berserk with paranoia when he pulls back.

The more he senses that you are going to be unfettered and unaffected by his pulling back, the more his is going to be drawn to you. The great thing is that he is left to be the man and do the pursuing rather than having you cling on like a barnacle.  Give him the open space and vacuum he needs so that he can come around on his own free will and not because you badgered him to.

Be an ally not an enemy

This is the hardest tip.  You may feel like he is the enemy, slipping away and delving into other women, other dates, and other fun activities without you.  Especially if he is an alpha male with plenty of friends and an active life, it can drive you crazy.  But, you really need to be able to stand on your own two feet to attract him.  Try to make light of the situation and view it as an opportunity for you to work on your independence.

If you can feel somewhat secure in yourself when he withdraws, it shows him that you are an emotionally secure and solid person.  You don’t freak out over what he is doing or micro-manage his minutes of the day.  You do not pour out insecurities and fears all over on to him.  You can make light of a situation, shrug your shoulders, and go off and do your own thing.  You don’t wig out because you are sitting home on a Friday Saturday night but you relax. stop, or get things done instead.

See the light on this relationship

The best part of being emotionally stable when he pulls back is that allows you to see the relationship for what it is.  If you keep reaching out to him, initiating, and asking him to have plans to try to close that gap he created by withdrawing, you are prolonging a phony version of the relationship.  It’s a version where you are towing the line and the second you do that, he becomes less invested and realizes he has to do less work.

The great thing about remaining calm and undisturbed by his pulling back is that it lets you see clearly where the relationship stands.  It is going to be pretty obvious how into you he is.  If you aren’t hearing from him for a week or weeks at a time, I think you can assume the relationship is fizzing out.  

What’s great is that you aren’t manufacturing a relationship that does not exist by doing all the work.  Instead, you are getting a clear view of where the relationship stands by standing still and watching what he does.  Does he contact you regularly?  Does he invite you over or to have plans with him around his friends? Has he introduced you to people he knows or brought you over to his place?  Do you go out and do things together or just hang out inside a house? 

Sit back and watch what sort of effort he puts in, because if a man is invested he is going to find ways to see you and if he is not invested, he is going to text you every once in a while to string you along and that’s about it.  The great thing about remaining sane when he pulls back is that you see the relationship for what it is, and can act accordingly.  Either you continue along with it or opt out and cut bait. 

The sooner you see the light as to whether a guy is into you or not, the better.  It’s sad to let a great guy go, but its even sadder to cling on to a guy that has no intention of ever being with you seriously.  If you are having a hard time you can read plenty of self-help articles online from various dating experts to help you understand and handle yourself with dignity when you encounter this very common phenomenon where he pulls back after a period of dating you.

What to do when he withdraws


This entry was posted in Dating and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *