It’s not even dinner time yet and my girlfriend has texted me over twenty times and I’ve responded to four, how do I tell her politely to stop texting me?
Girls that like you and that like to text are going to want to text you a lot. And I mean alot. The problem is that some girls can want to text over ten and even twenty times every day. The bottom line is that you are on her mind or passing through her mind much of the day and since the cell phone is barnacled to her hip and she knows your phone is barnacled to your hip, she is going to want to text you. At the outset of the relationship the texting can be fun yet as real life sinks in it becomes annoying to most men when they are stuck with a woman who texts a lot. Here are a few tips for getting her texting under control.
Tell her straight up to cut back while simultaneously offering her something else, like spontaneous phone calls
The best way to take something away from a girl (like nonstop access to you with texting) is to give her something else at the same time you are taking something away. This allows you to still express that you care but be realistic. If you want your girlfriend to stop texting you as much then the best thing is to tell her that the nonstop texting bothers you and then figure out how to make her happy by offering a bait and switch. That way she knows that you are trying to solve a problem. Your best chance is to make it very evident that you care about how she feels while also acting willing to compromise. It’s good to address the problem because if it gets out of hand you will start to feel actively repressed by the communication frequency which bodes of problems to come.
If you offer something it lets you be more blunt with her. You can say, all this texting all day long at first was great in the honeymoon phase but its just going on and on and it bothers me. I like to talk to you but not this much texting. If I call you up in the evening can that work? Because I don’t want to be rude and ignore the texts or make you feel bad, it’s just too much. If you offer to come up with a solution she will be far more amenable. Maybe she will say let’s talk on the phone instead or okay, let’s cut back on the texting and limit it to say 10 a day max. The fact is that she really likes you and you are on her mind. If you like her and make it clear, you should be able to gently jiggle her into accepting an alternative. Do this before you get royally annoyed at the texting. That way she’ll know that you are trying to protect her by nipping a problem in the bud.
Don’t respond to all the texts, in other words, don’t engage her
Another tactic is to simply become rather unresponsive to her texts. Some girls will take the hint and cut back their contact to match yours. This is a very delicate operation and you should not cut off the texting suddenly. Insead, cut back almost imperceptably but slowly so that over the course of say a few weeks, your texting is less frequent. The best way to execute the text less strategey is to pull the rug gently and slowly instead of suddenly.
If the reduction in your texting is gradual she will be less likely to notice it as its happening. Think of it as bringing something at boil down to a gentle simmer rather than turning off the heat completely. It you’re texting hot and heavy and then wake up one day ready to be done with the texting she won’t take it very well. She’ll feel blown off, as well she should. Take it down slow and steady, being nice while you are doing it.
Odds are though, if she is texting you already there may be some clinging and neediness involved. If you start to pull away and ignore a girl that likes you then it only feeds into her insecurity and she only starts to grapple at you more and more and more. Then, you might get into texting about your texting so much and texting each other about not texting each other. That is not what you want. Again, the bait and switch approach works great with this. Give something while taking something away. Start ignoring her texts yet randomly pick up the phone and call her every few days. This will throw her for a loop. Because you are still acting interested she will likely flow with this alot better than if you were to just stop texting back. The random phone calls will throw her off the scent. You can then honestly tell her you’re just sick of texting (but still willing to pick up that phone and call).
Figure out what you feel about her and if you might be cooling off
Women are smart and sometimes that girl who is driving you crazy suddenly with the texts has ferreted onto something which is that you are becoming less interested. Is it true? That is what you need to ask yourself. Because if it was just the texting you’d probably adjust your communication with her and call her more frequently or do something in lieu of the texting. If you aren’t, then you do have to ask yourself if you are losing interest. The bottom line is that if you like her as much as you did, then you can usually convince her to give the texting a rest. If you like her less than you did, you won’t be able to convince her of much. She’ll notice the shift and thats precisely why she is texting so much is because she is feeling insecure.
It’s a matter of compatability
People that want to be together usually fall into some sort of acceptable groove and they are both relatively compatible with it. If you are into them and they are into you then you can expect almost daily communication. When there is a huge chasm in communication there may also be a huge chasm in communication compatibility. It’s valid for you not to be smothered with texts, but its also valid for her to want to send sweet nothings because she cares. If a guy is really into a girl he usually wants the attention. As has been stated in many of these posts the text pattern between you can be a good thermometer or temperature of how your relationship is going in general. If it’s on, the texting has a way of setting a pattern acceptable to the both of you.
So your choices are to cut back on the texting and not respond as much in the hopes that she’ll get the hint. Next choice would be to respond less but pickup slack in another area such as spontaneously calling her more so that she doesn’t feel as hurt. Last is to take the bull by the horms and set down the law that you aren’t going to put up with that much texting. Try to let her know you care because the harder you come down on her the more likely she is to become a psyco texter. Sadly, thats often the way it works (in reverse). Depending on how much you care about her, you’ll know what to do.
Never text a girl too much from the get go is the best advice, because then her expectations are set straight from the get go. Look at it this way, take the maximum amount that you’ve been texting together and thats like what she will want if she likes you. If you text less from the get go, you avoid creating a text monster of your very own doing. Please understand that a girl that really likes you will think about you many times over her day and be tempted to text. Try to give her as much leeway as possible without creating a total monster. Keep your responses short and try to not engage deep conversations. Sometimes, rather than hemming and hawing over the texting, she just wants a response even if its a short one.