Most of the women who write into this web site are trapped into a vortex of text messages and sub-standard text message relationships and they are both wondering why and trying to get themselves out of that situation. Here are a few tips for how to really get what you want from men and get out of text message and casual relationship hell.
Let a man know what you want in no uncertain terms
If you want to get what you want from a man you need to stop mousing around in casual text message relationship hell. Don’t be with a man that is unwilling to communicate in person and by phone. Very early into the relationship, or right now, let a man know what you want in no uncertain terms.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve dating him for a month or for 5 years. You can let a man know that you will only continue to see him if the relation is going somewhere and he is not seeing anyone else. Draw the line in the sand and let him know that you are not going to waste your time going nowhere.
What happens if he leaves when you say this
If he leaves when you say this then he obviously is not thinking you are good enough for him or wants to keep his availability open to trade up. That is the risk you take and you will lose men who are out of your league in this situation but at the same time you will save so much time and self-respect by refusing to give yourself to men that in all honesty are not serious about you and are merely using you.
When you let a man know what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship anymore he will not feel cornered like you think or fear he will. Instead he will unconsciously start to view you as more respectable and desirable. Why? Because you have the ability and strength to control what is going to happen to you in this life and he is not going to be able to control you for casual sex. And now he knows it.
If he gives you excuses and won’t be exclusive
If he leaves after you ask for more in a relationship then you may have lost a hot guy but you will save so much mental, physical and emotional energy. It’s hard to know you are turning down sex, flirtation, and affection for loneliness, yet you really are better off being alone than going down a path to text relationship crumbs and casual sex with a guy.
No matter how hot he is, it’s not worth it. In fact, the hotter he is, the more likely he is to eff up your head for years after you mess around with him. He will use you and then when he wanders off and offers a real relationship to someone else you will flip out and hate yourself. The emotional damage will last so much longer than the physical relationship will. Thats why dating experts advise women to opt out sooner rather than later if the relationship is a dead end.
Some men will give you exclusivity under false pretenses to get what they want out of you. This type of man is not trustworthy and you will not be able to take him at his word since his word is lip service to get what he wants in the short term. If you catch him online, dating, still seeing the ex, and so on then consider his words as meaningless. If he is not forthcoming verbally then judge the actions because they speak volumes.
If he sticks around and gives you more
If he sticks around then you can get closer and closer. If he starts to act like boyfriend material you need to let him know as you go along that you intend to have a relationship that gets deeper. Talk to him every few weeks or months about where things are going and whether or not you want to continue. This lets him know that you are paying attention and not falling asleep at the wheel.
If you check into the relationship as it goes along and only continue if it is becoming something more serious that you both are invested in, serious about, and want together, then he will never be blindsided. You are taking the temperature regularly rather than acquiescing silently only to implode with commit demands later on that will drive him away. You need to shake the ground up regularly with small tremors to make sure your relationship is on track rather than waiting for an earthquake to strike.
Never be scared to ask for and demand what you want
Don’t ever be scared to ask for and demand what you want out of a relationship with a man. The biggest strength you need to have is that you can put the importance of what you want over the importance of staying with this particular man. You have to have that core belief and resolution that you will leave a man if your relationship is casual or sub-standard in any way.
Women are scared to put their foot down and really that is why they get walked all over. If a man is really interested and serious about you then he will not be driven away from you just because you have conversations about where your relationship is going. Remember that relationships that exist primarily on the text message air waves are rarely the good ones. If you’re texting him asking him what he is up to that weekend then seriously, its a red flag.
If you’re wondering why he hasn’t texted you and Adda Adda Adda its another red flag. You should be in his weekend not texting him while he is living his weekend. If you aren’t, its just a text message relationship. Texts are great fun when you are in a relationship because you can keep in touch. But when texts are the relationship in its entirety, its time to seriously quit it.