How to handle a boyfriend that is a flake

Have you ever had a boyfriend that can’t plan anything?  Some men are so frustrating.  He’ll text you asking if you want to hang out.  So, you’ll plan your day around being able to hang out with him.  The only problem?  Hours have gone by and you have not heard from him.  So you text him and ask if you are going to hang out and if so, when.  And what do you get back from him?  A sorry, not sure.

It can be incredibly infuriating dealing with a boyfriend that acts like a flake.  You never know if you are going to be doing something, and you never know what time you are going to be doing it.  You constantly have that feeling of being left hanging.  There are other things you could have been doing and taking care of in the meantime.  So you might wonder what should a girl do about this type of boyfriend behavior.  Should you be patient, refuse to hang out at all, talk to him about the problem, or play-act dumb like you are equally easy going?

How to handle a flake

The best way to handle a flake is to make your own plans.  The more this person flakes on you the more that you should not rely on him.  He clearly has demonstrated that he doesn’t value your time.  It’s pointless to argue about it either.  I know it can be disappointing to think you have plans then be forced to cancel them when he does actually materialize just on the principle that he acted flaky and kept you waiting.  But the fact is that it pays to make yourself unavailable at times if he acts like a flake.  Just be careful to opt out when opting out suits you, and go along with his last minute plans when going along with such plans suits you. 

Let’s say you have other things to do and he’s acting flakey.  Just do those other things because you’ll be happy you did.  When you finally hear from him you can let him know that you went ahead and made other plans because you didn’t hear from him confirming anything.  Opt out.  There may be another situation where you like him and don’t want to miss a rare opportunity to see him.  If you only get to see him once a month and on that one night you have to teach him some moral lesson that he can’t be a flake then you really only hurt yourself. 

The idea is not to become his mother who tries to train him.  It’s more about letting him know that if he is going to string plans along there is a reasonable chance that you will not be available once he figures out what he is doing.  All he needs to have happen is one single evening where he is left plan-less because he never followed through with you and so you went on and become unavailable that day.  If he learns that you aren’t always there like a doormat he will be more likely to firm up plans with you in the future.

What if he still acts like a flake

Some men are just flakes by nature.  If he is a boyfriend then you’ll get used to his last minute planning mindset and he’ll likewise become aware of your planning mentality.  If he’s into you, he’ll compromise and work it out.  If however, you show him that you are not going to be a doormat and he still leaves you hanging there may be deeper reasons.

A man who can’t keep a plan in advance is quite often a man who is purposely keeping his options open.  Men know where they are, and what they are doing.  They do.  And if they wanted a plan for a Friday or Saturday night they’d solidify it early in the week.  They solidify golf night with their drinking buddies don’t they?  They solidify a date with the new hot girl they just met, don’t they?  They know exactly what to do, no excuses. 

If he continues to put you on ice you may want to consider that you are a casual dating option for him and not his girlfriend.  This type of man will never be able to solidify plans until the last minute because he doesn’t know what his best option is yet.  There is one last thing to consider which is that he may be doing flaky act on purpose.  Men know that when they date you expectations set in.  It’s entirely possible that he does not want you to be a girlfriend.  He doesn’t want to be responsible for you or have you relying on him to be there like clockwork.

To keep your relationship from progressing he may purposely keep you on ice and act elusive and unreliable.  It is a tactic that keeps you from being his girlfriend and leaves you in the hey let’s hang out when convenient zone instead. He’s managing your relationship expectations down by such behavior.  It’s up to you whether you’re willing to put up with that or not.  Dating books advise that you should radically reject such disrespectful behavior from him at the get-go in a relationship.  Boundaries are easier set and stuck to early on, before you’ve fallen head over heels for him.


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