How to handle the man who won’t text you back after a fight

Have you ever been in that situation where you got into a spot with a guy you are dating or even your boyfriend, and it rubs him so wrong that he starts totally ignoring you?  It may start with you asking what the problem is, and his staying that you texting him is the problem.  Now if you are texting him repeatedly after a fight you really need to back off and give him some space.  Once he is missed the absolute worst thing you can do is keep haranguing him. 

Provided that you aren’t hassling and nagging him at work or causing serious problems with obsessive texting, you should stop worrying about making up with him.  Start worrying about yourself instead.  Start asking yourself some serious questions about whether you should continue to pine over, obsess over, and chase after, a man who doesn’t consider your feelings.

Believe me when I say that what he is doing it to you right now he will do to you again.  It’s just the law that bad patterns repeat themselves and are very hard to stop because you are talking about someones emotional style and they’ve developed that style for a long time before you came around. If you have gotten into a fight with a boyfriend or lover and now he simply won’t respond to you, even when you’ve calmed down and only texted him once a week or so to apologize, or once every couple of days, this is not a man you want a future with.  While you are so busy being pathetic you aren’t realizing that men who treat you this way early in the relationship, are not going to change later on.  In fact, the silent treatment behavior will get way worse because the way they are handling the situation is with a shut down and a shut out.  It’s mean.  An upstanding man would take the time to explain to you that he simply isn’t interested in dating you or being your boyfriend or lover anymore whatsoever.

Even if you do make up with him eventually by crawling back, apologizing, or begging him, if you let him do this then his behaviour and what you show you are willing to accept from will no doubt get even worse over time. You should consider yourself lucky with his letting you see this behavior now before your fall in love or get married.  You still have a chance to move on and find a mature who is non-abusive and with whom you can share your life.  A man who is normal and who genuinely cares about you,  is always concerned about how his behaviour affects you and the relationship.  He will have the basic genuine decency and ethics to give you the information you need and he will be willing to communicate.   Harassing him won’t help so back off and let him come around to you on his time and terms. If he cares, he will cool off and talk to you, not just pretend he doesn’t know you anymore.

There is only one exception to this and that is the man who you have only dated briefly.  He may do an exit stage left at the first sign of trouble and because there isn’t much invested by either one of you in the relationship, he might just pull a disappearing act and hope you get the hint.  But if this is a man you’ve been involved with even briefly, his blowing you off and discarding and disregarding you says something about his character and it’s not good.

Silent Treatment is a classic form of emotional abuse.  Over time it will really erode your sense of self-esteem if you let it. What better way to make someone feel insignificant than just discard and ignore them after a fight, even though they are trying to reach out? Do a web search on emotional abuse.  You will find plenty of information on passive aggressive men and he may even be a possible narcissist or sociopath who can’t even have genuine remorse if he tried.

Learn to discount proclamations of affection such as  “I love you” because if his actions do not back them up they are lies. Rest assured if you do not feel loved then the chances are you are not loved, despite what he says.   A man who genuinely cares about you is always going to be willing to talk to you every couple of days.  He may be the type that shuts down and blocks you out after a fight, wanting the whole problem to go away.  But if you give him some space and don’t hound him and he genuinely cares, he will definitely come back around. 

Don’t just forget about what happened should he resurface  after a silent treatment run though.  Think long and hard if a guy that checks out on you for long periods of time is going to work out with you.  If you are very independent and can handle a man who distances himself and ignores you when angry you should be OK as he may just deal with things by shutting down.  But if you are a woman who is sensitive and values communication, this is likely not the man for you no matter how gorgeous hot or perfect for you that he may seem.

You need to believe to the core that if you accept this type of treatment you are allowing him to be abusive and it will not change.  The fact that he shuts down is not a good enough excuse for his behavior especially if it causes you serious emotional pain, messes with your head hard, or hurts your heart and makes you depressed.  Women get incredibly hurt and damaged by men who leave them in limbo with no closure.  Even if you do take him back later, or manage to apologize or entice him back around you should be wary of this type of man.  Do your research well on silent treatment and passive aggresive men. 

When you think he is the one and you’ve invested your love, money, time, and energy, into him there is the temptation to accept him back no matter the cost.  This type of fight – silent treatment, then make up after you’ve been tortured for a couple of months and broke down groveling back to him, will never serve you well or make you happy in the end.  A man who doesn’t care how his actions affect you is way worse than even no man at all.

If you want to know how to handle the man who won’t text you back after a fight then drumroll please, the answer is to back off and re-evaluate whether this man is for you as well.  You need to create plenty of space and start thinking about your wants and needs in a relationship.  Amazingly, when you care about how you are treated and take it seriously enough to walk out on an abusive relationship, then you will be treated so much better by men in general.  Accepting poor treatment just brings you more poor treatment.  Having solid boundaries and requiring careful communication will lead to men respecting you way more.

I know that this is really hard but if he won’t answer your texts then continuing to bother him or plead to him is going to repulse him completely.  Disengage, back off, and back off even further than he ever thought you would.  Unless you want to be dealing with a guy that blows you off and stops talking and responding to you every time you cross him wrong, you may be better of without him.  Lastly, examine the reasons for the fight and make sure that you aren’t pushing him away by acting overly needy, aggressive, pesty, or sneaky. 

When you get that infamous silent treatment, don’t chase him to fill in the gap his distance is creating.  Back off and give him plenty of space and during that time think carefully about whether you want an emotionally unavailable men who poofs on you at the first sign of trouble.  A man who loves you, or even has the potential to love you, sticks around.  He might need time to cool off but he will always come back around and you will instinctively know that he cares about how you feel, not just about how you make him feel.  A man who actually cares if you are upset and seeks to understand why, is the man for you.  A man who gives you the silent treatment for a few months and only starts talking to you when you throw yourself at him, is not.

He won’t text you back after a fight


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