If you feel committed to your guy but are not so sure he feels the same way, there are subtle methods to employ to figure out if he is dating other women. This is a delicate matter because accusations and cell phone spying, while they may get you the answer you seek, are sure fire ways to destroy a relationship. Try these methods to ascertain if you should continue in your relationship with him.
Ask him
The easiest way is to just ask him. Some men who are playing around become angry when confronted and will try to shut you down and make you think you’re psycho. Asking him however, is not psycho. Just choose the right time, trust your instinct, and listen carefully to his response. If he gets overly angry or oddly suspicious or has to think a little too hard to issue a response, you might have your answer.
It’s one thing if he claims to be exclusive with you while secretly seeing others. It’s another thing if you two are just dating and he hasn’t committed to exclusivity. If you aren’t exclusive by mutual agreement, then he might justify dating others as above board since he hasn’t made any promises to you as yet. He’ll just omit his activities for as long as he can until some sort of conversation about it comes up.
If he avoids relationship talks with you and squashes such conversations with trite pat sayings like, let’s live in the now or take things one day at a time, or says I am not ready for any kind of relationship then it is likely he is still in a dating mind set. Believe him. If he has active dating profiles he is still dating others, even if he play down the significance of his still being online. Obviously, he might want his cake and eat it too. He might try to downplay his activities. But usually he will let you know what is going on. Don’t brush his honest admissions under the rug.
Problems
Men definitely need to feel valued in a relationship. If he is sharing feelings with you that he is unhappy or you two are fighting, there may be problems that you need to deal with. Sometimes these issues can lead him to start thinking about and even dating other women. Trust me that the moment he thinks that you are not the right woman for him, his mind will wander and so eventually will he.
Chat with his Friends
His close friends are usually aware of what he is up to. It is not fair to use his friends as stooges to get information. It is fair, however to be friendly with them. His friends will have a bit of unease if they are covering up secrets for their buddy. It’s male code to do that one the one hand. On the other hand, their body language and attitude can give you clues. If their friend is a cheat and they know it, then they are going to be uncomfortable about it. They might reveal it in their behavior if not in direct words. If they like you, they may even drop hints that your guy is playing you.
If his friends are hidden and you’ve never even met him, you can assume you’re being isolated from major aspects of his life and that he is likely dating other girls. If you feel like you are being contained and kept at a distance from his every day life, you probably are.
Let him slip up and tell you by Accident
Men often slip up when they are cheating or being a player. If he likes someone else for example at work or elsewhere, he might drop obvious hints about it right to you. If you think he might be wandering pay close attention to your conversations with him. Liars act shifty, move quickly, avoid conversations, get angry too fast, and give you a general feeling of unease.
I was once dating someone who mentioned that he didn’t have a lot of extra income to pay for expensive dates. The way he said it was like this
I don’t have the money to pay for expensive dates.
I tell everyone up front that I don’t.
If you read between the lines, he was admitted to dating and going on dates, and confessing that he was telling all of his dates is finances were limited! Obviously everyone included more women than just me. And I tell indicated he was telling them that now, not just in the past. That was in a direct conversation! If he is actively dating others or smitten by someone at work such as a co-worker, he will usually drop hints about it even to you because he just can’t muzzle and censor all of his thoughts. Sometimes they just spill out in the course of natural conversation.
Secretive
You don’t have to breach his cell phone text message inbox, sent calls, face-book profile or email account or sniff his coat to know if he is dating other girls. Sure you would get the answer using such methods but it will also erode your relationship and cause fights if you recover information in this manner.
It is easy enough to just watch his behavior. If he is secretive about his cell phone and computer accounts then that tells you what you need to know right then and there. Does he silence his cell phone on your dates? Does he take his cell phone to the bathroom with him or leave it sitting around?
Aside from secretive behavior to protect his electronics, he will act secretive and weird when it comes to explaining what he has been up to. Usually men who are dating other women use the busy excuse until they wear it out. That only works for so long before you are on to it. If you think he is trying to cover up where he has been and what he has been up to, he probably is. If he goes missing in action for long time intervals it’s a very clear sign he is doing something else or pursuing someone else.
Trust your Gut
Trusting your gut is advisable. Usually when you catch on to his lies your boyfriend will get defensive and accuse you of false accusations. It’s almost funny that the more you are onto something real, the more irate he will be when confronted. The bottom line is to trust your gut instinct. You don’t always have to be a spy or invade his privacy to know what is going on.
I’ll give you an example. A friends college boyfriend went missing in action over the winter break and vacation. He texted her less, was available less, and barely responded to her text messages on New Years evening wishing him a happy new year. She felt a feeling of unease about their status but brushed it aside convincing herself that it was just because they were going their own separate ways what with finals and then winter vacation in their own home towns.
Month’s later, it turns out he had been seeing someone over the winter from his home town. Ergo, his dropping off the radar. Though they hadn’t had any talks about exclusivity, she confirmed the information when she saw a picture of the two come across his face-book. It took a whole month before his conscience caught up with him and he apologized for hurting her. So the fact is that while a face-book photograph confirmed what was going on, and he eventually came clean with her, she knew what was going on in her gut way earlier than that. She knew when it was happening.
If you like him, then flying off the wall over his activities and spying on him out of jealousy likely won’t serve your relationship objective with him very well. If you become your own private investigator then the odds are that once you uncover the culprit you’ll most likely be breaking up with him over it. If you start digging then the chances are you won’t like what you manage to dig up.
Lastly, if he has not discussed exclusivity with you, assume that you are not exclusive. That will save you plenty of head aches. You usually don’t have to snoop his bills, emails, text messages, or instant message chats to figure it out. Watch his behavior, trust your gut, and work towards open honesty in words and actions with him.
|
