Relationships that exist mainly on text message bear the telltale signature of being casual relationships. They have the intimate components of a relationship yet everything else is entirely missing. This type of relationship has been coined the late night call or booty call, and is the holy self gratification grail for men and emotional hell on earth for women. Some women have good radar for this call and know exactly how to avoid it. Others, don’t recognize it because it slowly creeps up on them.
The late night call is the hallmark of a casual relationship going nowhere
Sometimes the late night call is the standard mode of the relationship from the start. This is usually when a woman is on the rebound and not watching her boundaries, or willing to drop her moral standards to have a chance to hook up with a man who is out of her league physically or financially. For example, she might throw caution to the wind for the cutest guy she has ever seen in her whole life up until that point. Whether you are bamboozled into a late night call because you fail to see it for what it is, or willingly go into an intimate encounter as an adventure thinking you can remain removed or flip it into something more later on, the late night call is a very bad idea.
The reason the late night call is a bad idea for women is that it is almost impossible not to become emotionally sucked in. And just a few intimate hours with someone can escalate into months of mental torture over that someone. Women can take a few hours with a man and contort it into months of mental energy and even make it become a full blown fantasy relationship. It can be a couple hours for a man. It can be oh my god this is the man I’ve been waiting for all my life for a woman. Because of the potential for a serious imbalance of perspectives, women should look for the late night call red flags and try to avoid falling into the trap.
He calls or sends a text message for plans that very evening
The number one sign of a late night call is when he calls later on in the evening and asks for plans that very evening. He usually will have good excuses for the late call that he spouts out. For examply, he is at a game and can come by after, he is working and can come by after, he was with family and can come by after, he is finishing up something and can come by after, he is at a buddies birthday party with the guys and can come by after, or he wants you to get a room.
If you question his motives or don’t believe his story he will get mad. He will say, I’m busy and I am making time to go all the way over there and see you! He will act offended or hurt, call you selfish, and he will keep pushing for you to change your mind. He will claim he is just a spur of the moment guy, even though his earlier plans that night with his real friends were not made spur of the moment. He is only spur of the moment with respect to hooking up with you. He will try to guilt trip you into allowing him to get away with such last minute plans.
My advice is not to fall for it. Don’t have plans with him when the night is already over with. If you do, you are setting a strong precedent that you accept late night plans on a dime. You teach him that he can get away with it. Don’t even make an exception, because the exception becomes the rule. It is always a pain when he texts or calls and is pushing to see you late at night. He knows you are home so it makes it harder for you to draw the line and say no to him.
The easiest way to get out of this situation is to not answer his texts or phone calls when they come late at night. That way, you don’t have to get into drama with him. He will try to push if you come up with excuses like you are tired, out with friends, busy, have work the next morning, etc. He knows at some point you will get home and he should be able to weasel his way over. It is easier if he just can’t get in touch with you that night at all. Ignore the late night call. Text him the next day if you feel like it and say you were sleeping or tired and act like its no big deal. At that point, the night is over so he’ll be over it.
If he calls for plans that evening, just don’t answer the phone or respond to his text messages.
He only calls or sends a text message for one thing
If dates are conspicuously missing, and conversations about every day life are conspicuously missing, then it is a late night call. If he ignores all of your texts until you send him something suggestive, then you know it is all about an intimate encounter. A man who is not genuinely interested in you will avoid all real life conversations like the plague. He will be unresponsive. He will be busy. He will be gone. He will disappear for days if not weeks. He will leave you hanging and not text you back until, of course, he wants to come over. If your relation centers around intimate encounters and not much else, you must learn that this is a classic late night call.
He acts inconsistent and goes missing ignoring your text messages
Men know that emotional bonds grow stronger with continued and frequent intimacy. If he likes the intimacy but doesn’t want to take your interaction into any sort of real life relationship, he will be inconsistent and go missing all the time. He is not busy, mysterious or brooding. He is purposely managing your expectations and addiction to him downward. He doesn’t want you to learn that every Friday and Saturday night he has off is for you. He does not want to feel any obligation towards you. He wants to be free to date other women. More importantly, he wants to train and show you without having to tell you, that you can’t rely on him.
If you can’t rely on him then by definition he is not your boyfriend. Instead of his having to talk to you directly and be forced to say you just aren’t good enough for a relationship with him, he simply becomes incredibly busy and distracted on purpose. It is an act. That way, you can never rely on him for plans. After you sit around for months with no plans on the weekend because he doesn’t make them in advance with you, you get the hint that he is not your boyfriend and he never even had to spell it out using words. His behavior tells you and saves him the headache of saying that you are not cherished by him.
He always wants to text message you to come over
If it is a late night call he will compartmentalize you from the rest of his life. You will never meet his friends and family and never or almost never go over to his house. If he is always coming to your place he is establishing your place as the meeting ground. Guess what, your entire relationship is compartmentalized to your house and your area and you have nothing to do with his real life. Do you want a guy that peep holes himself into your life without ever letting you into his? You shouldn’t let him get away with this.
Sometimes the woman starts to wise up to the late night call and make more demands on the relationship. If he wants to keep you around he might step up a little bit to appease you but will sink quickly, rolling back into the lowest and laziest mode he can get away with. He will take you around his friends or his house once in a blue moon. You’ll be able to see right thought it. Injecting yourself into his life will be because you forced the issue and issued ultimatums. Had he really liked you he would invite you into aspects of his life with zero pushing on your part. Be careful if he throws you a few crumbs when you complain because he is just putting in a little work in order to keep stringing you along as a free night call.
Run this simple test. Turn into a mouse that for some reason or another can’t have him over to your place. Say its a mess, there’s a relative staying over, it smells like paint, there is a gas leak, you are with your mother, helping a friend move, you have a sore back, anything. Then see if he disappears or makes an effort to see you elsewhere. If it’s a late night call you will hear this question most of the time: Are U alone. What happens if you are not alone? You don’t see him. If he slinks back into the woodwork every single time you aren’t alone, it is a night call.
Hopefully these tip-offs will let you know that your relationship with him does not exist but for the physical. Do you really want to be the proverbial hole for somebody? If he always calls for plans the evening of, he acts inconsistent and makes it so you cannot count on him, only acts interested in conversations that get sexually suggestive, and always to come over to your house without ever doing anything with you elsewhere, it’s the late night call. Once you allow this call to succeed he will continue to treat you in this manner and you will never make it into any kind of real relationship with him.
Radically reject text message and phone call behavior that you don’t like
My advice is to radically reject his late night call behavior and send him back to the street instead. If you already accepted this poor behavior from him setting a pattern of you being an easy target, you can still flip personalities and suddenly radically reject it going forward. The only catch is to not sometimes accept then reject. Reject all the time now. Just turn from Jekyll to Hyde and never accept that behavior from him again. He won’t know what hit him.
If you were a night call and put up with that behavior, then you all of a sudden put on the brakes, he will probably pursue you for a while but then move on. Don’t draw the moral line as a ploy thinking that it will get you a relationship from him because it won’t. Do this to reject bad behavior because its better to reject it late than never. Do it to get your self esteem back in check. Do it to move on and break the emotional addiction you have to him. Don’t do it to try and force him into a relationship with you.
Once he has learned to disrespect you and got away with it in the past, he will never respect you again. Therefore, reject the night call as a first step to getting on with your life. Life, without a using night caller in it hanging on like a dangling cad and making you feel like you aren’t good enough. The main reason you weren’t good enough was because you lowered your own standards and accepted poor treatment from him longer than you should have. As long as you don’t make that mistake again you can rest assured that you are plenty good enough.