Has your relationship hit a snag? These are some tips for saving your relationship with him. The goal is to create a better relationship than ever before with him. If you sense him calling less and responding less to your text messages his attraction might be fading. Here are some tips to get back on track and get him attracted to you again like he was in the beginning.
Realize that relationships don’t always progress normally
In the ideal relationship you meet him and its on. Everything goes well, you get to know him and after some time together he becomes exclusively your boyfriend. It’s a nice story and yes it does happen yet many relationships don’t take an easy route at all. There are twists and turns. It may not work out.
If you thought he was the one but suddenly he’s pulling away and you’re panicking don’t be surprised. This happens frequently to women. It may be worth trying to ride the glitches out in the hope that the relationship survives. The main trick to saving a relationship gone awry is to remain calm and demonstrate good relationship skills. That’s your very best hope.
Forgiving means really forgiving
It’s easy to say that you’ve forgiven someone. Let’s say your boyfriend flaked, dated out, lied, stole or did something horrid. You hated him for it and had a big falling out, yet you still like him and want to be with him. So you forgive, right? Not so simple. Deciding to forgive someone and continuing to see them because that’s how much you want to stay with them, is one thing.
It’s easy to brush an issue under the rug and go on dating him. What’s hard is to actually live that forgiveness. That means eliminating all resentment completely. It also means never bringing the topic up in current arguments. It really means forgiving not just on a superficial level. It goes beyond just continuing to date him as you need to completely forgive in heart and soul. If you never bring a topic up again that you’ve forgiven, then you’ve really forgiven it.
Did you know that cheaters often come back and want to stay in the relationship? Cheaters have an easier time saying it was a mistake let’s move on and forget it ever happened. The woman cheated on sometimes claims she’s over it because she doesn’t want to break up when she isen’t over it deep down. Every fight back slides into the cheating and it gets brought up and beaten like a dead horse in every fight. The relationship can actually fail from such continual erosion. He wants to make it work as does she but she literally can’t. She can’t because her forgiveness isen’t complete. She hasn’t let it go.
The key to saving a relationship that’s gone awry is to forgive the past and let it go, not bringing it up again. If you have text message wars with your boyfriend they are most likely harping on past issues and the same issues over and over. Many women admit to dragging in past indiscretions to the current fight. Big mistake. Live forgiveness by letting it go, and not bringing the issue up again ever no matter how relevant it is to the current situation.
If you can live forgiveness you’ll find that your arguments become simplified. They only focus on the issue at hand and are way less likely to degenerate into text rantings and breakups.
Make sure he’s on board
It takes two to make a relationship work. You don’t want to back him into a corner and force him into a relationship or make him think he’s doing relationship work. For him, things should just flow easily. So he probably won’t be interesting in fixing a messed up relationship with you per Se. But he has to be into you to at least a certain degree. I mean, you’ve got to reestablish contact. You need to be talking to him and hopefully seeing him and he needs to be communicating with you as well.
The point is, if your boyfriend has truly cut you out of his life, left and moved on then much of your relationship may just be in your head. Just because you text him or he still talks to you doesn’t mean you are in a relationship. Fixing mode is a turn off to men. And if he’s already out the door you can’t fix anything. The best thing is to take stock in the relationship and see if there is any hope in working it out. I think on some gut level women do know if they have a chance in hell of making something work with a man they are dating. He has to be receptive to hearing from you and if he isen’t you may want to steer clear for a while.
The key is to be realistic and try to save a relationship that can be saved. If you’re having an imaginary relationship with Brad Pitt, or someone that is married, or engaged, or already living with another woman, get a load of reality. Fixing the relationship may be pure fantasy land. If on the other hand you believe he really liked you and he is merely avoiding you out of hurt/anger or only casually dating others, you may have a chance to work it out.
Fix yourself because change creates change
Women tend to be selfish in relationships and it’s really about me, me, me. Men despise this. They often feel like what they point out is getting completely ignored by the woman they are dating. For example let’s say he’s indicated to you a behavior that he doesn’t like. And you ignore that. For example he says don’t criticise my friends since you know nothing about them, or don’t badger me with texts while I am working. When he says something bothers him he really means it.
Men often have strong boundaries and criteria for girlfriend material. There are certain behaviors in a women that will put them out of girlfriend running. If he finds you to act in a manner he determines to be distasteful he will not consider you girlfriend material and he may literally leave you over it. Usually a man will let you know he has a problem once or twice. But if you’re so busy worrying about yourself you might miss the warning and so you don’t pick up on it. So you don’t change the behavior, he concludes it’s hopeless and decides to move on.
Men do have behavioral pet peeves and if you break those boundaries they will track you off the girlfriend path never to track you back on to it. You’re done. One of the biggest pet peaves they have is present-ability in public. You must act right. Be someone he could bring around friends and families fully confident you won’t wear, do, or say anything stupid, negative, critical or embarrassing. He may be the biggest social ogar in town but trust me your present-ability is of utmost concern to him. If you aren’t the type of woman he feels he could bring to a business or colleague meeting without a worry, he won’t girlfriend you.
So if you want to save your relationship you must take stock of your own problems that led to its shakiness. Did you text too much, bother him all the time, act obnoxious, or ignore his needs? Getting back together won’t work if you don’t change. You could get intimate with him in a makeup session but if you haven’t fixed anything on your end the same issues will undoubtedly return.
If you want to save the relationship then focus on your own life. Make it more fulfilling and independent of him. Think oh so carefully about the problems you created in the relationship and gently let him know that not only do you acknowledge them but you are working on them. Then, just like living forgiveness you need to live change. Not just say you’ll change, but change. Men don’t respond to words in a text message but they do respond to you behaving differently.
If you were doing behaviors that led to him doubting you, live a change. This is way more than promising to change, bringing up the same old excuses, begging for a chance to change and so on. Just change for real. If he said you’re text messaging too much (a simple example) then don’t text him. Men extrapolate like crazy. If you can’t behave or control your behavior on text then trust me he will extrapolate that to you don’t know how to behave in general.
If he said you’re rude, work on not being rude. If you embarassed him in public you need to be way more careful to demonstrate demure etiquette in public. Never put him down in public as that will end your relationship for sure.
Have your own needs clarified and use a velvet hammer
Once you listen to issues that he has, acknowledge them and commit to changing not just saying you’ll change, you’ll have his eyes and ears. But you have needs too so don’t let those get thrown out the window. Casting aside your needs just to be with someone will fail. Eventually you’ll get bitter and resentful and your unmet needs will ignite like a gasoline lit fire. Create your own boundaries and stick to them.
A man has to know that you’re willing to walk if some boundaries you’ve established aren’t adhered to. Now you can establish those boundaries and be gentle yet calmly pursuasive about enforcing them. Think of your needs as a velvet hammer. It’s a hammer but it has a soft soothing cushion to it.
Let’s say that he doesn’t value you. He’s only texting and seeing you at his convenience. If you allow him to use you as a mere convenience he’ll get used to it and become more set in his ways as he learns that he can get away with this behavior. If you want to effect a change then you have to lay down the velvet hammer.
Let him know that you’re aware of the abundance of women out there but the fact of the matter is that you’d like him to go out of his way for you from time to time. If he doesn’t, then make yourself less available to him. You might have to suffer for a while and be jeolous but if you adhere to your own boundaries he’ll respect you more. Do this without fighting, blaming, or being hostile and you will reign supreme.
Be open and honest as to what you need in your relationship with him. Be willing to walk if your do or die standards aren’t met. Make sure you are open and honest and very generous to him. Showing that you are able to be generous with him and go out of your way for him may get you more of his attentiveness in return. Be willing to give and you may improve your chances to get.
Be positive and never let the best of your personality go away
Think about new women he might be dating. They are fresh, positive and have a newbie attitude towards your man. This might be attractive to him. Don’t be heckling, complaining, and nagging him in the background in comparison. Fresh and new will win over nagging old hag. He’ll be way more tempted to invest his time in new women who are pleasant and vyeing for his companionship.
Try to be positive and sprinkle in your own original personality to your conversations. Don’t always talk about issues and arguments. Be a playful fun date like you originally were. Yes you want to work things out, but he’s more likely to do that if you continue to be happy and good company. Don’t get so down that he feels like he’s under a black pressure crowd just to deal with you. It will drive him away.
Always be improving your life and doing fun and interesting things. Make sure you are pleasurable company even if you two have issues. Make him remember why you are so great and what he liked about you in the first place. If you feel him backing away the last thing you want to do is lose the original vivacious personality that attracted him to you in the first place. Keep your sense of humor, playful spirit and beauty in place. If you have your act together he might go away for a while but he’ll be back.