The ugly truth is that men will use women for sex. This is no secret, but it hurts to know that a man will have intimate relations with a woman they have very little actual feelings for. Of course there has to be attraction there, but unlike women, men can be attracted to women that they are nevertheless not interested in as relationship material. This article lands itself on a site about texting because most of the time, women who are text obsessed over men are those who are engaged in physical relations with men that aren’t interested in them enough. Ergo, the problems with text are really problems with men who are not truly interested.
If a man goes through a drought he may not have a list of numbers to call at a given time, or maybe he broke up with a girlfriend and is not really over it. This mindset is a difficult one to deal with because he wants the affection but he doesn’t really like you enough to draw you into his life. It leaves the woman in that text relationship way station where he is interested enough to give her crumbs, but she is always feeling neglected and wanting more from him. He wants it that way because he wants to manage down her expectations and keep a good thing going until he moves on. So you have a real disconnect between what she is wanting or expecting, and what he is offering up, which is mostly just his warm body and crumbs of affection.
So how can you tell when a man is just using you?
Men don’t go around doing this to women with malicious intent. They simply come across women they are fine to have sexual relations with but not interested in for a relationship. If a woman is willing to go along with such an arrangement, men will take advantage because they assume two consenting adults. He also assumes that if his behavior is at a distance, she understands that the relationship is only casual without him spelling out the obvious. Sadly, if she engages in the relationship because she is clueless or willing to accept substandard treatment from a man she is smitten with to have what little she can of him, it becomes her fault for going along with the setup. She could opt out, but doesn’t.
The key is to identify men who are in this mindset with you, and remain lucid rather than in denial. A man who is using you will make no commitment to you whatsoever. That is the first sign that your relationship will never work out the way you want it to. If you even mention commitment who will factory out lies, go missing, sidestep the subject, or feed you lines like how he doesn’t believe in commitment and how he lives day by day. This type of man will come up with statements such as, commitment is for failure just look at all the divorces. He will grab at anything to evade commitment, an exclusive relationship, or even spending regular time with you.
A man knows when a woman likes him more than he likes her. With this type of women, if he wants to keep seeing her, he will downgrade their interactions to slowly manage down her expectations and train her not to expect anything from him. He does this on purpose and he knows that he is doing it. No he is not that busy with his job. No he is not a workaholic. In fact, he would drop his commitments like a hot potato to spend time with a woman who was girlfriend or marriage material in his mind. But he won’t do that with a woman he is only intimate with.
When you are with a man in a noncommittal mindset, everything will go fine as long as you put zero demands on him and let him show up when he is good and ready. But the second you press him about making plans on the weekend, inviting you over, meeting his friends, and hanging out on a regular basis, he will get really, really busy. Invariably this leads to his pulling back when you nag, and you nagging him more and more.
A man trying to fend you off is going to ignore your texts, take days to respond, break plans, make plans only last-minute, and refuse to go out with you in the light of day. He will only come over and hang out and the second you steer him into a different plan he will find an excuse not to do it or simply go radio silent on you. This guy will drop you in a heartbeat if he finds something better to do on a Friday or Saturday night and some men won’t even give you a Friday or Saturday night because that is prime time for him to meet other available women and go out with his friends.
A man with this mindset is not going to go bum around town with you, or take you on a bunch of errands. He is only going to show up when the situation involves him getting physical with you and making a timely exit. He may say a bunch of promising things when he shows up but afterwards you will realize that you never really go out with him. That is how you know. You also know because he will never show serious interest in your life. He won’t know where you went to high school, how many siblings you have, what religion you are or anything other than what you tell him. He does not care deep enough to ask about things.
You can spot a man who is using you for sex because he will not know when your birthday is and days of meaning to you will have zero meaning to him. There will be no Valentines day flowers or anything like that, and you could tell him your birthday is next week and he will never bring it up say Happy birthday or ask you what he did. Likewise, you will notice that vacations, birthdays and holidays are times where you are not included in his plans. The writings on the wall are very, very clear. The main problem is that women delude themselves and assign the disinterest to his being busy, the relationship being new, and anything else they can dream up.
If he knows you aren’t going to make it with him for the long run, he is not going to invest in you and let you know about the things that matter most to him. He is not going to call you on any regular basis and more than likely he will just text you on occasion instead, and train you to have to text him and be the man initiating things rather than him. What this does is get him off the hook of having led you on. You’re the one asking for it, so its your responsibility to take care of yourself and realize its casual, is what he thinks. With a man like this, true emotional intimacy is the exception, not the rule.
Understand why you are allowing him to waste your years
There are some women who simply ignore the signs and get used for a couple of months before she wised up, asks for more, and then gets jettisoned because she is now making demands. These women he gets the best of while he can, and when she wised up and moves on, he has no problem. She even becomes a potential occasional sleeping partner to him because now she understands the relationship is not going anywhere but may choose to still hook up with him which is aye-ok with him so long as no demands are placed on him. A man can waste years of a woman’s time like this, while she still hopes. He just leaves down the road when he finds someone he actually wants to commit to. This man will see you on occasion until he gets into a committed relationship with someone else and dumps you, surprised if you get upset. He assumes you understood the parameters by now.
Then there are some women who know they are being used but they allow it to continue. Here is why. They allow it because he is a man who is out of their league and she likes him so much that she is willing to accept crumbs to be with him because he is so alpha. Maybe he is rich, maybe he is hot, maybe he has a lot of friends and is a blast to be with. She knows she can’t have him exclusively but she gives up her self-respect choosing to try to have the time of her life with him. She rationalizes it as, I only leave once and I am going to just take what I can get from him. She hopes he will eventually get more serious with her but it never really happens. What women don’t realize is that the initial fling she has can become a long drawn out emotional drain where she is chasing after a man who ultimately doesn’t want her. She bangs her head up against the wall and comes out of it with nothing but a good time and a total loss of her self-respect.
There is the third option, which most women decline to take. That option is to realize she is associating with a man who isn’t going to cherish her for real, and tell him that it just is not working out. She would rather lose him than become hopelessly and pathetically attached to a man like a fool, deluding herself that he really cares. One of the reasons women don’t walk away, is that good guys are hard to come by and they don’t want to go back into the lonely single isolation having to dig up a new guy. This is usually a mistake because the sooner you wean yourself away from a man who is using you, the better off you are. Believe it or not being lonely and single can be better because it starts the process of getting over him and healing so you can move on with your life rather than drag it out winding up heartbroken and mourning a relationship that never really existed except for some sex.
When you are writing into this website for example, on how this guy you are seeing never texts you or initiates or spends weekend time with you anymore, don’t candy coat the truth. The key is to understand that men will do this without being blatantly malicious. They are simply seeing someone who they know it probably won’t work with in the long run. They view it as an interesting experience, a love affair, or passing time waiting for Mrs Right. If you are with a man like this, you can bend yourself over backwards accepting poor treatment and it won’t get you anywhere but frustrated. Then when you vent on him and send him a bunch of texts, he will cite that as the reason you two aren’t serious. Wrong, it’s because he wasn’t serious about you in the first place and you are merely reacting negatively to the rejection by texting him too much and clinging on for dear life.
Know when you are getting used and when his intentions are casual by how he acts, how often he contacts you, what you two do together and whether he includes you in his life with his other friends or business partners. You have a choice to decline such relationships even it means back to the horrible being single pavement. Even though you don’t want to throw out what little you have going on, or think maybe you can keep it going just like he is while you try to meet someone else, this rarely works. Women get obsessed and attached and if you are that into him, you are not going to be able to meet other guys. If you aren’t into him then it’s easier to be casual but odds are that if you aren’t into him you wouldn’t be with him, so this is a guy you really like therefore you won’t be able to focus on other guys while he is in the picture.
What women don’t realize is that if you cut chord with guys who really are not interested in you, it only takes a couple of months, maybe six months to go on functioning fine without them. It seems like a long haul but you actually wind up healthier and saving quite a bit of time. Women who have pursued go-nowhere relationships really understand this well. It can waste time, years even, and even take you through your marriage and child-bearing years leaving you alone.
If you really look at the facts, surmise how interested in you he is, and become realistic about a relationship rather than living in what you hope will happen world, you will actually be more attractive to men. They will instinctively know that you aren’t the type of woman to be used. Overall, identifying and weeding users out of your life will help you attract men. Not only that, men will treat you better because they will know that they aren’t going to get away with dismissive behavior with you. Know when you are being used, know why you are allowing it, and know how to cut ties with users.
Know when you are being used for casual relations
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