How to successfully date a serial dater

This article gives women a few dating tips for how to successfully date a serial dater.  First of all, when you try Internet dating you must not be naive.  While you may be innocently jumping online looking for love and a relationship, you don’t know the true intentions of the men online that you come across.

Mindset of a serial dater

Most men will say that they are looking for a long term relationship however they may not be seriously looking for that at all.  You have no idea what the mindset of the man who writes you really is just based on a profile.  Obviously everyone puts their best foot forward online so take all information with a grain of salt.  People regularly bump down their age by a few years, bump up their income by a few categories, and state they are looking for long term whether they really are or not. 

Men commonly get online with the intention to meet a wide variety of different women and date for the sake of dating.  Sure if lighting struck and the perfect woman materialized they’d commit but that is unlikely for a serial dater.  He’s in it for the dating experience and that is something that some women have a hard time grasping.  He may be online just looking for sex and his true relationship mindset is a whole other story.

Serial daters

You might be online for a few months or occasionally.  A serial dater however, may have his profile up for years on end.  A serial dater is looking for perfection.  He’s a perfectionist looking for a women that probably doesn’t even exist.  This type of man is likely to get into online dating as a long term habit.  The Internet becomes his food source for having a long string of Internet relationships.  Do you want to be just another woman on the scenic route of his multi-year tour to meeting Miss Right?  No.

A serial dater is likely to have been online for a few years by the time you come across him.  He’s a perfectionist looking for a woman who doesn’t exist and even if she did she probably wouldn’t want him in the long run.  He is likely to be rather secretive about where he lives and what he does for a living.  This gives him an easy escape hatch to slip out of a woman’s life quickly and efficiently after a few months of dating.

If a man doesn’t show you anything about his real life within the first few months of dating, it can be a sign that he is a serial dater that is keeping his privacy secure in case he needs to run.  Make sure at the least you see his house and meet a few of his friends before getting physically involved with him.  If you get physically involved without seeing his place or knowing exactly where he works or meeting a friend or two of his then expect that your relationship might wind up in a bubble of just you and him.

A serial dater runs at the first sign of trouble

You can recognize a serial dater because he is going to be the type that has fully realized that if it doesn’t work out with you there is someone else a few box clicks away.  He’s aware of the wide variety of options with online dating.  If the man you are dating runs at the first sign of trouble he may be a serial dater.  This type of man had better be worth your while because keeping him around when he is a runner will be a massive headache for you.

If your man doesn’t taking his profile down and still wants to get physically involved this is a clear sign that he is keeping all options open even while trying to get intimate with you.  This is a classic serial dater warning sign.  Do you really want to get physical with a man who is still online waking up the next day writing women asking if they want to go on a date?

Confidence is key when handling a serial dater

Since your guy may run at the first sign of trouble you are going to be one self confident girl to handle him.  You must show him your imperfections without batting an eyelash and have confidence.  He needs to believe that working things out with you is beneficial to him.  The scales must be tipped so that he views you as someone with options as well, not as a sitting duck. 

If you are a sitting duck he is going to play duck duck goose.  Let him know that other men are interested in you.  You can’t fake it either.  If you want to get a serial dater to change his ways you can’t pretend men are into you.  You need options or at the very least a good back bone.  You need to really believe that if he gets out of your life that you’ll be fine.

If you aren’t a confident girl it is likely to be a bad idea to try and capture the heart of a serial dater.  It will be a tough emotional ride and you’re going to have to be just as alpha as he is to tolerate it.  So work on your confidence or find a different type of man who is more inclined to be a boyfriend.  Look for a man who doesn’t enjoy the dating/searching process as he’ll be the one to take his profile down and make a genuine effort to get to know you.

Don’t try to please a serial dater

Most women go out of their way to look their best and be on their best behavior.  They do this almost to the point of being phony.  They post all their best pictures and try to up-play their social life, beauty and connections.  That’s all good when you’re dealing with a nice guy, but with a serial player you need to stop trying to please him early on.

Instead of continuing a phony I am perfect stepford front, you should drop all acts and become the real you very quickly.  Be yourself and then you’ll be able to see if he really likes you.  If you drop your pretences he’ll be more likely to drop his too.  Months and years can go flying by wasting precious time on a serial dater so be sure to cut to the chase quickly with him to save time.

Don’t tolerate bad behavior from a serial dater

When your serial dater pulls crap on you, don’t just brush it aside or sweep it under the rug.  Never be afraid that a serial dater will leave you.  He’ll be used to women trying to accommodate him to have him and he’ll try to pull one over on you.  He’s used to dating women and he knows what to say and do to ensnare you.  He might give you the full court press coming on really strong so that you feel like you’ve known him forever after just a few dates.  It’s all designed to get you in bed quickly so take your sweet time getting to know this serial dating numskull. 

If your serial dater pulls one over on you by continuing to be active online, updating his profile photos while simultaneously trying to bed you, blowing you off, taking too long to return phone calls and texts or going mia, call him out.  Call him out on these behaviors and hit him out of the park if necessary.  Let him know early on and quite clearly that you’re not falling for any bull whatsoever. Be assertive and alway make it clear what you want so that he understands it won’t be all about pleasing him.

If you are confident, completely yourself, and totally unwilling to accept any flaky date breaking behavior your serial dater won’t know what hit him.  He’ll view you as a strong woman and he’ll be attracted and more inclined to respect you. Force him to get to know you and don’t even bother being perfect.  Embrace your own imperfections.  Never, ever compare yourself to other women and don’t let the competition affect how you treat him. 

If you do these things your serial dater might actually stick by your side for more than just a few months.  Don’t try to please him.  Don’t put up with flaky behavior and if he cancels dates or going missing tell him to get lost.  Do be uber confident.  Don’t be jealous of the competition you need to be able to ignore it.  You must have the attitude that if he gets out of your life there will be a replacement for him. 

You must feel like you don’t need a man to fulfill you.  Never pretend on any of these characteristics.  You can’t fake being a woman that can deal with a serial dater.  If you are the type who envies the other women and feels paranoid that he will trade up to a better one your insecurity will be your own undoing.  If you can’t handle the competition don’t date this type of guy.

If you don’t have it in you to be a strong confident woman, don’t waste your time chasing a serial dater because it will never work.  If you are a gentle sensitive soul, find a man who is interested in getting involved and bringing you into his life without any games.  What do you need with being a man’s current box click on his scenic search for Miss Right.  You don’t.

Serial Dater


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