Are you infatuated with an interesting, charming and intelligent hottie? A player has a genuinely magnetic aura that surrounds him. He has friends, and his own life. He can have his choice of any girl he wants practically, even if he isen’t willing to completely commit.
When it comes to players, women become magnetically attracted and drawn to them, along with dozens of other women under the same players spell. Odds are, if you are around your girlfriends they will forbid you from falling for a player. They will tell you that your chances of making him monogamous is zero, so stay the hell away.
If you find yourself obsessed with a player there is a slight chance that you’ll be the woman who lands him. Someone will, so then why not you?
Don’t go fatal attraction on that player
If you find yourself falling blind for a player, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to go fatal attraction on him. This type of behavior will make a player run for the hills. If you are the girlfriend type and you run across a player, the odds are that you will give him the boot the second you realize you aren’t the only woman. This is smart in the sense that you won’t get your heart more broken. But you also won’t get the guy as he has plenty of other options to fall back on. That’s the thing when dealing with a player, you can’t win.
Get to know that player
Find out what you are dealing with. If you can get the skinny on your player boyfriend from his past or present friends or girlfriends, it can be very helpful. Don’t go stalker but do find our more about him. For example, that woman that is also appearing all over his Facebook? If you have the nerve you could send her a note. Are you dating Mr. Player? If you have a minute could you let me know what your experience was? If not, please just ignore this email. You’d be amazed at what sort of response you might get.
You might get a response back about your guy that gives you a whole lot of insight! He’s a loser! Oh him? If I ever did know him, he didn’t leave an impressive impact. You don’t want to be a snoop OK, but you are dealing with a player. Don’t delude yourself and think he’s turned perfect over night because he hasn’t. If you know what you are dealing with then you will set your expectations right early on and not expect him to be some magical prince charming only to quickly morph into a using frog before your eyes.
Have good boundaries when dealing with a player
You may not be able to rope or force a player into being monogamous right away or ever for that matter. Monogamy is something he’s have to be inspired to do, and you’ll never be able to force monogamy on a player if its not his bright idea.
You may not get your way with him, but if you have good boundaries you can give a player guidelines to toy with. Your guidelines may not necessarily be exclusive relationship guidelines, but they should indeed be good behavior guidelines. Make sure he sticks to them and when he doesn’t make yourself scarce for weeks. For example, he must call you in advance to make plans, he must keep his plans, he must call you not just text you. Insist you go out every now and then not just hang out at his or your place. If he doesn’t introduce you to a single person he knows, get rid of him fast.
If you have good boundaries your player will constantly be testing them and trying to wriggle around them. If you refuse to put up with any behavior you don’t like, you earn his respect. Have pet peeves such as him calling when he is supposed to. He will be used to women begging and demanding that he be a monogamous boyfriend. You won’t be. You won’t be turning him away over that, but rather over the little missteps he makes that are out of your moral code. He called you last minute for example, so you let the phone roll to voicemail rather than pick up.
If you have good boundaries your player will stay engaged and interested in cat and mouse with you. You’ll be different than the other girls who are making relationship demands on him. He’ll have fun trying to break all your little unique rules and when he discovers he can’t he will respect you more over time. Having little quirky boundaries will be more interesting to him than the girl who says, exclusivity or nothing.
A player will fall for someone, eventually
Even players will fall for someone. If and when they do, it may be the girl that needs him the least. He is so used to being chased and pressured that the independent popular girl that has her own life with or without him reigns supreme. So do your thing and be independent. The less you need a player the more he will want to spend his time around you. Be sure to show him your boundaries however make those boundaries yours and yours alone. He will respect an original girl who marches to the beat of her own drum and no one else’s.
Texting a player
If you want to text your player and you are afraid you’ll come off as too much of a pursuer, then don’t be. Your goal should be to text him as your mood dictates and keep yourself real busy otherwise. Are you remodeling your living room, send him a picture of your new design and ask him if he likes it. Sometimes flirt, other times ignore. Just be unpredictable and your own person with your own interests. Don’t always be trying to find out what he is up to in his exciting life. Assume his life is boring in fact. The more you focus on your own life when dealing with a player, the better of you will be.
Your investment in a player
Once you figure out your guy is a player, invest your time and emotional energy accordingly. Flipping him is as likely as winning the lottery. So consider him a game with low odds but still a game. Manage down your investment in him because the minute you become way more interested in him than he is in you, is the minute you lose all power in your relationship with him. Men instinctively know when they have the upper hand in a woman and their natural tendency is to take advantage of women they have total control over.
The only way you are going to really flip a player into a loving boyfriend is if he wants to be flipped by you. Every once in a while a player meets a woman who knocks his socks off, and suddenly to the amazement of others he becomes tame. He changes over night for the right woman leaving the one he strung along for years in utter shock and heartbreak. Just know that if he falls it will come from within him, not from anything you did to control or coerce him into it.
Read up on game and pick up artist and player mentality
Players up their game and they learn to be douche-like on an almost almightly level which makes them a challenge to women. Seeing as women always want what they can’t have, these players become spoiled with meaningless relationships that are easy come easy go. If you are dealing with a player read up on player tactics and game so you understand where this spoiled brat is coming from. You don’t want to become jaded yet it can be extremely useful to understand a bit of the player psychology.
Do you know what a negative hit is? It’s a casual insult that makes you want to defend yourself or prove yourself wrong to the player. Do you know what the law of abundance is? It’s a thought process players adopt that there are many more women where you came. This helps him to never get stuck hopelessly on you as he understands that he does have options and he exercises that by going out and meeting other women constantly, called sarging.
If you don’t understand a players psychological tactics, you won’t be able to handle him and you will cave under the pressure. If you do understand how he always gets his way you will be able to respond better to all of his moves. If you think you might be falling for a player then read up on how players act so you aren’t an innocent deer caught up in the headlights.
Be sassy and your own person. Don’t let a player break down your moral code
While you don’t want to give your player ultimatums you do want to be sassy and let him know the attributes you desire in men. Such as loyalty, phone calls, and good behavior. Respond positively to his good behavior and then pretend he doesn’t exist when he behaves poorly. Players are used to women who bitch, moan and complain when they misbehave. They still get all the attention, even if its negative attention and women who throw child-like tantrums over them. Players always control the relationships they have with women by having the least amount of interest. That is how they get their way.
Turn this around by being sassy with your player and not putting up with his shenanigans. If he starts up with you then just ignore him. If you have to blow off a player for misbehavior, and then spent the night wailing on the phone to your girlfriend, crying why why why, then you shouldn’t be dating a player. If on the other hand, you go out and do something else not caring since he didn’t treat you right, you may have met your match!
Lastly, if a player is making you completely miserable more than 75% of the time, opt out. Put yourself and your own safety, physical and emotional integrity first. When you are no longer having fun there is little point to sticking around longer for a player. One of the biggest mistakes is to stay in a bad relationship just because you’re already invested in it and wasted a bunch of time.
Don’t beat a dead horse. You may have to add yourself to the long list of his casualties, but then again, you knew that landing him was just as likely as winning the lotto. If you are not having fun, its definitely not worth it. If your relationship with a player is over and you have trouble putting him out of your mind and moving on, you may want to consider no contact. Going no contact can help get a player out of your system for good. Think out of sight, out of mind.